Roses Grow
by sharnii
Summary: Utena/Anthy, novel, post-anime, Utena's POV. Anthy finds Utena but the shocking events of the last duel seem to have taken their toll. And only time will tell if Anthy can grow past being the Rose Bride. Meanwhile Akio moves out of Check...
1. The Way Home

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

This is a _Revolutionary Girl Utena_ fanfic, set post-series and told from Utena's POV. Utena & Anthy are the major characters/pairing focused on (but we see a lot of Akio and a fair amount of other duelists). The genre is a wicked combo of drama/romance/angst/humor/symbolic-wtf.

This is novel length and continues in the sequel _Thorns Wither_. Warnings for eventual yuri, yaoi insinuated, violence, limited swearing, and very adult themes. Just like the series…

Complete author's notes are included at the end, and I reply to reviews in the review section. Comments and constructive criticism are very welcome. Additionally there is now delicious fan art for this story, courtesy of talented artists _scribblepop_ and _Arthkael_.

Front cover by _scribblepop_ – theotaku dot com/fanart/view/289400/roses_grow_fanfiction_promo

Apartment illustration for Chapter 3: A Time to Leave by _scribblepop_ - theotaku dot com/fanart/view/289944/utena_in_anthys_apartment_from_roses_grow_fanfiction

Bedroom scene for Chapter 19: For Friendship by _Arthkael_ – img199 dot imageshack dot us/img199/3868/arthkael dot jpg

* * *

Chapter 1: The Way Home

My first solid memory after the last duel is of Anthy. I heard a voice, her familiar voice calling my name as I rose up through jagged points of darkness.

"Utena-sama? Utena-sama, can you hear me?"

I opened my eyes. My vision was blurry at first but as I stared up I found myself staring into her deep green eyes. Long purple hair swirled like fire about her head (I said my eyes were blurry!) as she leaned over my bed. One small hand was pressed to my breastbone in that most familiar place.

"Utena-sama," she whispered. "Can you hear me?"

"Himemiya?" I gasped.

Her smile was like the rising sun.

"Utena," she said and her eyes filled with tears.

* * *

Anthy took me home from the hospital in her little green car. I remember looking up at a rickety apartment building with some surprise.

"I thought you'd be rich," I joked.

Anthy laughed primly behind her hand. She was wearing a pale blue skirt-suit made of some kind of soft material - I'm not really good with clothes' names. I knew it was soft because I'd reached out to touch her arm for reassurance during the drive. I was wearing jeans and a soft blue t-shirt that both fit surprisingly well, considering I was seeing them for the first time today. I wondered how she'd known my clothing size. Then I sighed. She had been the rose bride after all.

"Can you walk?" Anthy asked.

"Hey Himemiya, what do you mean?! Of course I can walk! I'm a champion athlete. You know that!" I vaulted over the passenger door to prove my point, and promptly crumpled on the pavement. I was still sitting there in shock when Anthy calmly walked around to bend over me.

"Let me help you," she said softly.

Still aghast over my own weakness, I accepted her pulling my right arm over her shoulder quite docilely. Together we made our way into the building and up its steep and winding stairway. I tried to walk mostly by myself but found my knees were liquid, and I kept stumbling over my own feet. I was leaning with practically my whole weight on Anthy's narrow shoulders but it didn't seem to bother her. Somehow, she felt as steady as a rock. She seemed to have no trouble half-dragging me along.

"You're, uh, a lot stronger then you look," I commented.

Her response was thoughtful. "Things aren't often what they seem."

By the time we finally arrived at Anthy's unit (naturally it had to be at the very top of the building) I was covered in sweat and breathing hard. Anthy by contrast seemed as fresh as the proverbial daisy. I felt unusually weak and dizzy as I watched her gracefully retrieve her keys and open the door, all with me draped over her like some dead-weight. My helplessness was embarrassing and inside I boiled with frustration.

"Sit over here," she suggested, all but carrying me over to the centerpiece of her lounge room, an antique-looking russet couch.

"What's wrong with me?" I groaned. I sank onto the couch with utter relief. Putting my arms over its back I arched my torso into a stretch.

"Better," I sighed. "Uhhh."

Dimly I noticed Anthy was leaning over me again, her fingers rifling through my bangs unsticking them from my sweaty forehead.

"You need tea," she decided.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. That was always her solution to everything.

"I don't like tea," I lied grumpily but she was already disappearing into the kitchenette I could see to my right.

"Figures," I sighed. She sure could move fast when she wanted to.

Taking the time to look around myself I thought that perhaps Anthy was rich after all! The outside of the building might not be much, but the insides of this unit were extravagant. I looked in wonder at hanging wall-length tapestries and well-stocked intricately carved bookshelves. Squinting I tried to make out a few titles.

"_The Rose of Versailles_", I read aloud. "_Legend of the White Snake_, _The Cask of Amontillado_, _Grimoire for the Green Witch_."

I blinked. What lousy taste. Where were the trashy manga I liked to read so much? These books looked so serious!

"_The Kingdom of Slender Swords_, _Enheduanna Priestess of Inanna_, _The Kama Sutra_."

I couldn't help but yawn. Anthy's book collection looked very boring to me, not my taste at all. And these were only the Japanese versions! The grand majority of the books had titles in foreign script...just how many languages did Anthy know anyway?

Bored with the books I looked around some more. The general color scheme consisted of deep reds and greens with furniture of old dark wood. Very Anthy. I then noticed the coffee table in front of me resembled a giant chessboard without any pieces, with a vase of blood-red roses at its centre.

I suppressed a shudder without really knowing why. Anthy picked that moment to glide back in, bearing a silver tea-tray holding a rose-china set. She sat next to me and poured my tea while I admired her delicate gestures.

"Did you decorate this place?" I asked.

"Yes," she smiled, "it was fun."

"It's very you."

She looked around her. "You think so, Utena-sama?"

"It couldn't be more so," My tone was dry. I thought about reminding her to call me just Utena, but I was so tired it just seemed like too much effort.

"Chuuuuu!" A familiar funny-looking monkey-rat-thing leapt onto my lap from out of nowhere, brandishing a cookie.

"ChuChu!" I exclaimed. "Where've you been? Is that cookie for me?"

"Chuuuu!" he squeaked, and promptly started stuffing the cookie down his greedy little gullet.

"Well that's disappointing," I said, glaring down at him.

"You want a cookie?" Immediately Anthy's soft hand pressed a cookie into mine. I shivered at her touch.

Like so many things between us it was fraught with meaning, while simultaneously meaning nothing at all. I think it was just the tiredness but I grew reflective.

_I don't understand her_, I thought while looking down and munching on the cookie. _I never have. Maybe I never will._

But somehow it didn't matter on that sleepy afternoon, as her thigh pressed up against mine on the couch.

My breathing slowed, the cookie crumbled pleasantly in my mouth, the tea was sweet.

ChuChu bounced on my knees, and Anthy drank her tea while staring at my face with luminous green eyes.

I gazed back and felt happy.

TBC in Chapter 2: What Not to Talk About


	2. What Not to Talk About

**Roses Grow**

by sharnii

Chapter 2: What Not to Talk About

That first night Anthy helped me get ready for bed. She provided me with pajamas of blue flannel, while she wore a long nightgown of palest violet. My hands trembled with weariness as I pulled my pants on. I struggled with pulling my tshirt over my head. Gracefully Anthy slipped behind me to help. I sighed at the sensation of warm hands ghosting along the chilly panes of my back. Then her hands lingered for long moments over the raised scar on my lower back. I froze.

Ever so slowly one hot hand inched around my waist to cover the exit wound under my right breast. A wave of some indefinable emotion pulsed through me. Helpless to control my reaction, I tore away. Pulling on my pajama shirt I took a few steps toward the wide white bed.

ChuChu was bouncing up and down on the pillows.

"ChuChu! You naughty thing!" I exclaimed, glad to pretend that nothing had happened. I sensed Anthy unmoving behind me, but I kept focused on ChuChu. I dived at the mouse-monkey but he slipped right through my hands, the crafty beast. He bounced over to the dresser where he chattered cheekily at me in the mirror. I flopped down and rolled onto my back, all of a sudden too tired to chase after him. Instead I watched Anthy as she slowly crossed to turn off the lamp, before hopping into bed next to me. Her face was inscrutable.

As always she wore her long hair loose for bed, and her glasses were still conspicuously absent. She turned onto her right side to gaze at me, and just like in the Chairman's tower the night sky was laid out behind her in glory. (Wall-length windows leading to a slight balcony were responsible for this effect – this was some ritzy apartment!) As always she was beautiful.

"Himemiya," I breathed wonderingly. She looked so mysterious in the dim light, with stars about her head. "Who are you?"

She blinked.

"I asked you that once," she said. "Do you remember?"

I searched my mind.

"Ah, you said you were watching my face as I slept. That I seemed familiar to you, right?"

"Yes." Her hand reached over to hold mine in that old familiar way.

The ritual had always calmed me, but now it did more. It was getting hard to think clearly.

"Are you sleepy, Utena-sama?" Anthy's fingers slowly stroked mine.

"I…I guess I am," I admitted. I yawned and my eyes began to drift shut.

"Does the scar hurt?" she asked so, so softly.

My eyes snapped open and I stared at her in silent horror. How could she ask me that?

"No," I snapped. I deliberately closed my eyes. Yet I could still feel her looking at me. Her hand had tightened on mine. Now slowly she began to stroke my fingers again. I felt my stomach flip-flop.

"Sorry Himemiya", I whispered, unable to bring myself to look at her.

Was there a catch in her voice when she answered? "There is nothing for you to be sorry for."

I sighed and tightened my hand on hers.

* * *

I woke to Anthy with a breakfast tray, sitting cross-legged facing me with a smile that was somehow both demure and devilish.

"Time to wake up, sleepy-head," she said. "Or ChuChu will eat all our breakfast."

I sat up in double record time.

"He better not," I grumped, rubbing fiercely at eyes gritty with sleep. "Oi Himemiya, I'm so hungry."

"That's a good sign," she noted passing over a plate of western-style scrambled eggs. They looked delicious.

"Reallysh?" I mumbled, my mouth already full as I started shoveling it down. "Hey, these are really good! How come these taste really good?"

"What are you saying?" Anthy looked slightly put out.

"Oh nothing," I lied, shuddering inside at the memory of Anthy's usual breakfasts. "Just, thank you. This tastes great."

"It's no problem." She began to eat.

Her long-ago voice echoed in my ears adding to that sentiment, 'I'm the rose bride.' I closed my eyes.

"I should cook from now on," I decided.

Anthy smiled at me and her eyes were very gentle.

"Alright," she allowed. "You can cook…sometimes."

Later that morning after Anthy had left for work I discovered the takeout containers in the trash.

"Hmph," I muttered to ChuChu. "She could of just said."

* * *

Still weak after the hospital for no particular reason that I could fathom, I spent the next fortnight loitering around the unit. Accordingly I grew exceedingly bored. I would grow weary so quickly there was no use in trying to exercise (although I did make quite a few abortive attempts. When I failed after a measly two sit-ups ChuChu would come and bounce on my chest). Besides Anthy had explicitly forbidden me to leave our new home.

"Why?" I asked her one morning, lounging on the bed and watching her dress for work. She still hadn't told me what her job actually was.

"You need to rest," she said firmly. "And it's not…safe out there."

"It's not?" I absently poked ChuChu as he played on my stomach. It seemed to be his new favourite place. "Why not? How come you can go out but not me?"

Anthy looked exasperated, which was a wholly new expression for me to see on her face. Like all these new expressions, she masked it quickly which I attributed to long habit.

"It's not safe for you," she modified her original statement. "Just…believe me, Utena. It's not safe for now. You need to stay here and get better."

"I'm not sick," I grouched. "I'm just…very unfit."

One slim eyebrow arched at me.

"Fine," I gave in. "But I can't stay here forever. I feel so cooped up."

"I know," her voice was soft as she came to sit on the edge of the bed and pet ChuChu along with me. "Don't worry, it's just for a little while."

"Okay, Okay." My fingers entwined with hers of their own accord.

And then, like moving in a dream I brought her hand to my lips. I heard her startled intake of breath and dropped her hand in a hurry. We stared at each other. Then she dropped her eyes.

"Work," she murmured, "I'll be late." She rushed from the room. It was rare to see her flustered…I stared after her feeling flustered myself.

My lips burned where they'd touched her.

**TBC** in Chapter 3: A Time to Leave


	3. A Time to Leave

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 3: A Time to Leave

By the beginning of my third week of incarceration, I was going crazy. I paced the apartment restlessly. I even had a route.

Bedroom. Circle the bed. Pause to finger the soft material of Anthy's folded nightgown.

Bathroom. Stare helplessly into the mirror. Think that my eyes looked somehow different. Often pull up my shirt to check if that raised scar was real. Turn around to look at its twin on my back disbelievingly.

Bedroom. Pace restlessly. Avoid looking in the dresser mirror.

Balcony. Lean on the railing while staring down at the city. Had things really changed? They looked the same… Stare up at the sky. When it was very blue I would feel a sense of deep unease begin to eat away at me. I would retreat quickly.

Hallway. Pause and stare mindlessly at the two lonely photos on the wall. I knew them by heart. On the right wall was the photo of Anthy and I, with ChuChu on her shoulder. On my shoulder rested a masculine arm in a long red sleeve…cut off at the elbow. On the left wall hung a photo of the gates of Ohtori…from the outside. It didn't look right to me. Unreal.

Loungeroom. Stalk around and around the russet couch. Eye the books. Perhaps flop down on said couch and make a cursory effort of reading one. Give up after about two minutes. Throw it down in frustration.

Kitchenette. Peer into the fridge for food. Decide that my roiling stomach couldn't handle any. Collapse at the table and stare down at it with my head in my hands. Stare at ChuChu tugging futilely on my wrist. Leap up and shove chair to floor, not sure why my emotions were reeling.

Begin again.

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat with minor variations.

Finally…

Hear Anthy fumbling with lock. Race to return abandoned books to bookshelf and chair to table. Plonk down in chair just as she entered kitchen.

Smile artlessly and ask how her day was.

Avoid her knowing gaze.

* * *

When she returned home on Friday evening there was a strange light in her eyes.

"It's time," she told me, sitting down across from me.

"Eh? Time for what?" I asked. I noticed vaguely how her red blouse hugged her curves. Then I blushed.

I looked up to see her amused eyes watching me.

"Time for us to leave this apartment. At least long enough for me to take you to dinner."

"Oooh really?" I was beside myself with excitement. "Gee Himemiya, that's fantastic! I'm dying to go outside; I can't stand it in this rattrap."

"I know it's been hard," she acknowledged, "but you've needed the time to grow stronger. Your energy has returned, right?"

I thought about that. If energy counted as restless pacing…

"Where are we going?" I followed her into the bedroom, bouncing lightly with excitement.

Her smile was coy. "It's a secret."

* * *

We walked to the "secret" which turned out to be a cosy restaurant only blocks away. I found my hand of its own volition slipping into Anthy's. We strolled in companionable silence. The air was fresh, if a little cold; it emphasized the warmth of our clinging hands. I found the unbearable tension that had been mounting in me start to slide away.

After only two blocks my breath began to shorten. Once again my weakness filled me with irritation. I didn't notice I was growling under my breath until I felt ChuChu's soft paws stroking my neck, from his sudden perch on my shoulder. Anthy had also slowed her pace to match mine.

"Don't worry, Utena", she said softly. "It's to be expected."

"I can't help it," I said, in a rare moment of self-insight. "I have to be strong. I have to be ready. Who knows who'll come after you next? I have to protect you!"

She had stopped walking now and was turned to me, her eyes wide in the moonlight.

"Is that what you want?" One dark hand reached up to cup my cheek.

I leaned helplessly into her touch.

"Yes," I whispered. "More than anything."

"That's funny," she whispered back, "it's what I want for you."

I stared down at her, suddenly at a loss.

"But why? I don't need protecting…do I?"

Her eyes seemed to darken, and her hand fell away.

"More than you know." She wouldn't say anything more. I sighed. She could be annoying like that.

* * *

In the restaurant we sat at a secluded corner table, hidden behind a large potted tree. Anthy ordered a very old red wine, which made me wrinkle my nose at its bitterness. I appreciated its warmth though as it slid down my throat. We were gazing at each other over our glasses when the unexpected happened.

A man pushed past the potted plant and stood towering over us.

"It _is_ you!" Touga pushed his long red hair out of sharp blue eyes. His voice lowered to almost reverent tones.

"Tenjou Utena…"

I blushed. Anthy grimaced. ChuChu leapt onto Touga's designer shoe and started biting his ankle. Touga hopped around in pain.

"Get off me, you foul…demon…monkey!"

I got to my feet, intending to pull ChuChu off his victim and the second surprise crashed past the plant.

"Kiryuu, where the hell have you gotten to?"

Saionji stopped and stared at us, his jaw dropping.

"You!" he growled at me. Then he saw my tablemate. "Anthy-san", he muttered sounding like a man drowning.

"This is bad," I murmured just as the third and final surprise flicked the plant aside and stood there in smart white slacks and shirt.

"I see," said Juri, her voice quite calm. But her eyes didn't look calm at all.

Now we all shared the corner table, staring surreptitiously at each other and downing too much wine. Our meals came and at first we ate in silence. Touga obligingly ordered more of the expensive red. He winked at me over his glass. His long fingers stroked the rim. Saionji glared at me. Juri stared at me and fingered her locket. I felt a hand stroke my knee and threw a startled glance at Anthy who was now seated to my right. She smiled in what looked suspiciously like gentle amusement. ChuChu sat on my lap and growled.

Juri was the first to break the awkward silence.

"So Himemiya-san…you found her, I see. How fortunate. How long ago was the happy reunion?"

To my surprise Anthy actually looked slightly uncomfortable. Her hand stilled on my knee. A pause. Finally as though the words were torn out of her:

"Three weeks ago."

I looked up to see three jaws fallen open and three identically shocked expressions. A piece of spinach fell out of Saionji's open mouth and onto the table. ChuChu pounced on it with relish.

"Charming, Saionji," said Touga, recovering himself first. Saionji glared at him.

"Three weeks," repeated Juri faintly. "That's all?"

"Why?" I asked, wondering at the strange reaction.

"Still not the brightest bulb in the lamp, are we Tenjou?" smirked Saionji. "Well some things never change, no matter how much time passes."

"Time?" I muttered, glowering at him while feeling a little lost.

"Look at me, Utena-san," commanded Juri. I did.

"How old do I look?" asked the redhead. I was surprised by Anthy's hand tightening suddenly on my knee.

"Um," I said, glancing at Anthy out of the corner of my eye. She looked worried.

"Um, you look…" I felt confused as I looked, really looked at Juri for the first time that night. She didn't look the same, that was for sure. Her hair seemed shorter, and merely wavy where once it had held tight curls. There was actually a light sprinkle of freckles dusted over her nose. That was new. My eyes trailed down past the locket (was it the same?) to sinuous curves. Was Juri…bigger?

"Utena-san," prompted the object of my attention. I blushed.

"Uh, I guess you look different. Older."

"The idiot has eyes," muttered Saionji.

"Beautiful eyes," amended Touga.

I frowned at both of them. Then I noticed they both looked older too. Taller. Broader shoulders. Saionji's hair not quite as wild, although his intense green eyes still held the same crazy light. Said eyes were fixed dreamily on Anthy. I contemplated hitting him.

"It's been five years," said Juri quietly. My attention whipped back to her. I felt my own eyes growing wide as a sudden chill snaked down my spine.

"Five years, Utena-san," she repeated. "Five long years since that godforsaken duel of revolution."

TBC in Chapter 4: Enter the Swords


	4. Enter the Swords

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 4: Enter the Swords

_Five years…_ Juri's pronouncement rang in my head.

My eyes went automatically to Anthy. I stared at her bowed head, searching for answers, searching for the truth. For some reason, I would believe it only from her.

"Himemiya?" I asked. My voice shook.

At that she turned to face me. Her hand lifted from my knee to my clenched forearm. It hovered there as though uncertain of my reaction.

"It's true," she said.

I stared at her uncomprehendingly. I stared back toward Juri who was biting her lip. Touga was watching me carefully. Even Saionji looked strangely sympathetic.

"Five years," I repeated faintly. I looked down at my hands, and for the first time noticed their thin tracery of scars. They looked newly healed…surely it couldn't have been five years? In my head I was suddenly back at the gate to eternity, prying at it desperately. Warm blood was leaking down my stomach and back as I strained with all my might. My hands slipped on the door. They were rubbed raw but I had no choice. All my life had been leading to this single moment. I had to open it…no choice…had to…

"Utena!" Anthy's voice was surprisingly firm. I felt her warm hands clasping my cold ones. I looked up into green eyes shining with unshed tears. It was enough to rouse me.

"Sorry," I muttered. "I don't know…I didn't…" I trailed off uncertainly.

There was an uncomfortable silence at our table. Finally Juri broke it.

"Well I want to know," she declared. She stared aggressively at Anthy.

"What happened at that duel? Where has Utena-san been?"

"What makes you ask me, Senpai?" Anthy's voice was like ice.

"You were there!" exploded Juri, bringing her fists down violently on the table. "And now you are here, the only one of us to find Utena-san after all this time! What are we supposed to think?"

"It's suspicious, isn't it?" noted Touga, undisturbed by Juri's obvious rage.

"Is it?" said Anthy. She had become very stiff beside me.

"Tell me!" hissed Juri leaning forward and getting right in Anthy's face. "I demand to know. We, the rose duelists who were trapped in that crazy game _demand _to know."

"It was you and…Akio-san," put in Touga. "You were behind the insanity there. Weren't you." It wasn't a question.

"You played with us," Saionji spat bitterly.

"You used us!" said Juri.

"Stop it!" I cried, leaping to my feet.

They all stared up at me uncomprehendingly.

I felt myself blush, but was angry enough to continue. I put a shaking hand on Anthy's narrow shoulder.

"The past is the past. Everyone here has secrets I'm sure, secrets they'd rather not share." I glared at Touga meaningfully. "Don't let Ohtori spoil this world too." My eyes went to Anthy's and my next words were just for her:

"This world where we met."

Hesitantly she smiled up at me.

"Still playing prince, Utena-san," said Juri as I sat back down. Her tone was half-derisive but her eyes had softened.

"Hardly playing," said Touga admiringly. "We're all here aren't we? Somehow…"

They all looked at me again, expectantly, hoping for explanations I didn't have.

"I, um," my voice faltered. "I don't really remember much. I mean, for me I just woke up…" I trailed off as Anthy cut me off.

"I found her in a hospital," she revealed. Her hand was back on my knee and I knew she was only speaking now to save me from having to.

"Three weeks ago," Anthy continued to enraptured looks. "After five years of searching. The years have been…very long."

"You couldn't find her?" wondered Juri disbelievingly. "With all your…resources?"

"No," admitted Anthy. "It was…confusing. I half suspected…"

"Akio-san," guessed Touga.

"Yes," said Anthy.

"End of the World," hissed Juri.

"That bastard," put in Saionji, glancing scornfully at Touga for some reason.

"Really?" I felt so confused. "But after the last duel…"

"He was still at Ohtori," Anthy told me, her hand stroking my knee. "Planning on re-running the duels."

"Oh." I looked down. So much for me revolutionizing the world…a sudden thought jerked my head back up. "But you left?"

Anthy smiled at me tenderly. "I'm here aren't I?"

That reassured me. Around me the conversation went on, as the others discussed Akio's probable motives in-depth, and exchanged insults. I however was lost in the hazy past, struggling to remember. My mind fumbled through the jagged pieces:

_Anthy taking my hand as we ascended together. The shock of seeing Akio revealed as my prince. A moment of wanting to rest in his eager arms, to rely submissively on his strength. Then…remembering Anthy. Seeing only deadness and pain in her eyes. Wanting above all things, to make that pain go away. To see her smile and be convinced of the smile. To save her!_

_I remembered the sword. And I skipped past it as always. For some reason my mind refused to settle, refused to believe what had happened. Instead I rushed forward to the cloud of angry swords attacking Anthy in the sky. My heart tore in two and was the only pain I was aware of as I stumbled forward, screaming her name. My will was the sword to beat against the rose gates – nothing could hold me back. I pried them open. I saw eternity…and it was Anthy. I reached…but…she fell. My world fell with her…and the castle of eternity rained down on me from the bluest of skies…as did the swords… _

"Utena-san!" Juri's voice broke me out of my stupor.

"Uh, y…yeah?" I blinked at her. Somehow I still saw a swarm of hungry swords descending on me...reflected in her piercing eyes.

"What do YOU think that bastard is doing?" she asked expectantly. I swallowed…the swords were rushing closer…Juri's mouth opened again and more words came out, only this time I couldn't hear them. A buzzing kind of clanging was filling up my mind. Metal on metal; no it was more like a mob of jeering voices. Juri's mouth moved and I could see the words didn't match up but it seemed like the mob was speaking through her.

"You've already failed," she said, her eyes filling with swords. "Go home, little girl. That's all you are, a girl playing dress-up. Pretending to be a prince. Ha! You can't save the rose bride. You can't save anyone. You said it yourself. Didn't you? Didn't you?!"

"No!" I cried.

"What?" I heard Juri ask. Then with new urgency: "What is it? What?"

"Swords," I muttered pressing my fists to my eyes. My head was pounding in time with my heart. I felt sick to my stomach. It was hard to think.

"What's wrong with her?" I heard Juri ask, as Touga said, "What does she mean by that?" I felt Anthy's (surprisingly strong) arm go around my waist and she was urging me to my feet. I wrapped an arm over her shoulders and let her usher me out of the restaurant. I could hear the others clamoring behind us.

We were halfway down the street, when Touga and Juri caught up with us.

"Saionji's paying," Juri said with a slight smirk. "Here," that to Anthy, "let her lean on me." She tried to take me.

"No, let me carry her," said Touga to Anthy. I could feel the heat of Anthy's glare without even looking at her.

"No, no," I said somewhat disgruntled at all this unnecessary attention. "I'm fine." I pulled away from Anthy to demonstrate, although I immediately missed her warm support.

"Really," said Touga disbelievingly. "That's why you almost fainted into your soup? Or did Juri-san scare you?"

"Enough," said Anthy, taking my hand and attempting to drag me down the street. "We have to go."

"Why?" said Juri, "and what about us? You can't do this, Himemiya-san. You can't control events just because you desire to."

"You understand nothing," said Anthy. She dragged at my hand and I went with her. Touga and Juri followed, still protesting.

Before we could get very far, a car roared up beside us, as green as the shocking-green hair of its driver.

"Hop in," said Saionji. "You want to run home for some secret reason? Well, this will be faster."

TBC in Chapter 5: The Tea Garden

My gratitude to _Lady Chani _for beta-reading.


	5. The Tea Garden

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 5: The Tea Garden

I was exhausted. I sat in the back seat of Saionji's car, squeezed snugly between Anthy and Juri. I could hear the guys talking in low murmurs in the front.

"So what happened?" Juri's thigh pressed warmly against my own.

"You're so persistent," I groaned, leaning my head back. I just wanted to sleep. "I don't know…the swords were there…I don't know why." I led my eyes slide shut.

"Swords? What swords?" I felt Juri lean over me to confront Anthy. "What does she mean?"

"The million swords of hate," murmured Anthy, and her tone (so regular, so everyday) made my eyes snap back open.

"Himemiya," I said. I hated when she sounded like that...like she used to.

"It's okay," she told me, but I had trouble believing her. "Go to sleep, Utena-sama."

"Don't call me that," I muttered, closing my eyes and leaning my head on her shoulder. "Please."

"Sorry," she said. "Utena."

I sighed. If they continued talking I didn't know it. I had escaped into sleep.

* * *

The next day when Anthy came home from work, I finally got the chance to ask her what had happened to our old classmates.

"Don't worry," she said, as we sipped tea on the couch (this had become our evening ritual). "I'm sure we'll see them again soon." I couldn't help noticing that she didn't sound too happy about it.

"Oh good," I said. "It was kind of fun to catch up, don't you think?" I was still tired, and a little nervous about what had happened: a perfect recipe for babble. "Especially Juri-senpai. Although I don't know why she has to harp on so much about…stuff. Saionji, eh, I could of given him a miss. And Touga-san is so changeable. Don't you find that? I mean one moment he acts the gentlemen but he can be such a player."

"What **did** happen?" Anthy's voice was calm but I had gotten used to doing Anthy-interpretation. She was holding her teacup a little too carefully. ChuChu was snuggled up on her lap as though she needed comfort. Her green eyes were just a shade too dark. On top of this, it was unusual for her to want to talk about…the past.

"The swords were there," I told her, becoming uncomfortable too. "I was tr…trying to remember. And then, I saw them in Juri-senpai's eyes. I couldn't believe it. And then…" my voice broke.

"And then," said Anthy.

"Then I heard them too," I revealed, shivering as I remembered it. "They spoke to me, Himemiya! In Juri-senpai's voice!"

"What did they say?"

I looked away. "I don't remember."

I put my tea down and closed my eyes. I didn't want to look into her eyes and see that she knew I was lying.

A long silence hung in the air between us.

"Maybe that's how they manifest in this world," she finally suggested. I opened my eyes and reached for a cookie.

"Maybe," I agreed without thinking. "Huh. That doesn't seem so bad."

"It seems worse," said Anthy.

I gaped at her, mostly because it was still so strange to me for her to openly disagree. And what did she mean?

"Well then, there's no point in hiding anymore," she said, rising and cleaning up. "I've gotten you a posting at my work."

My jaw dropped another five degrees.

"You did?"

"Yes." She actually grinned at me.

My jaw dropped so far it started to ache. This was the first time I had seen this teasing grin. It looked so…nice. But not terribly reassuring.

"So, er, that means you'll now tell me where you work, right? Where we work."

"You'll find out tomorrow," said Anthy, heading towards the kitchen. I stuck my tongue out at her back. She could be so annoying.

* * *

Anthy worked at a plant nursery, naturally, tending baby plants to adulthood. It was a rather large complex (complete with various glasshouses) attached to a tea shop (located charmingly in the largest glasshouse). I wasn't sure what to think. I gaped around myself at _The Tea Garden_ as it was oh so creatively called. We were in the tea shop part which consisted of wrought iron tables and chairs artistically placed between exotic-looking plants, artistic statues, and even a birdbath. A cobbled path wound between them, leading to the counter and kitchen area which was attached onto the back.

_How do the birds get in to use the birdbath? _I wondered.

"Do you like it?" asked Anthy.

"Um, I'm not sure," I said. "I suppose cash is cash, right?"

"There's something to be said for atmosphere."

I stared at Anthy. "Really?" I said doubtfully. "Doesn't it kind of remind you of, er…"

"There were things I liked about that place," said Anthy. "I served the roses willingly."

"Oh," I said. I didn't quite know what she meant. Fortunately, the boss was approaching. He was a large man (both tall and fat), who happened to work as the chef.

"Anthy-san," he cried in loud jovial tones. "This is your friend? Our new waitress?" He grinned down at me. "We need another waitress desperately. I'm sure you'll do splendidly. Anthy-san is an amazing gardener, after all."

"Uh thank you," I muttered weakly, letting Anthy introduce us. Apparently the boss (unusually) liked to be called _Boss_, which was fine with me. It made his name easy to remember. Before I knew what had happened Anthy had disappeared into one of the nearby glasshouses to tend the plants, leaving me to receive a ten-minute training course courtesy of Boss. Soon enough I was serving customers (badly). _Well_, I thought later on my break, _at least it's a job, right? And better still, I'm outside. Kind of._

Surprisingly, I grew to like my job. After I realized I should carry a notebook I didn't have trouble remembering orders anymore. The other waiters were friendly and made better conversation than ChuChu. Boss was a generous man, and better still spent most of his time furiously preparing desserts in the kitchen. Thus any mistakes I made were mostly unobserved. But generally visitors to _The Tea Garden_ were an easy-going lot, and I found the tension inside me relaxing more and more. Slowly but surely I was regaining my old strength. I began to think that maybe Anthy knew what she was doing. Occasionally I asked Anthy about having our classmates around for dinner, and she would always agree docilely. So far this hadn't resulted in any concrete invitations.

* * *

One afternoon I was walking through the rose glasshouse, looking for Anthy. I was on my lunch-break, which I often liked to spend with her. ChuChu rode on my shoulder (he attended work with us, as the boss thought he provided further "atmosphere"), surveying the plants with a royal air. I wasn't able to suppress a shudder as I peered around at the many-colored roses. This was my least favorite glasshouse. Unfortunately Anthy spent the majority of her time here: roses were her specialty.

"Utena." She appeared at my shoulder very suddenly, as was her habit. I almost jumped out of my skin (as was mine). Why did I never see her coming?

"Himemiya! Uh, are you ready for lunch?"

"Almost," she said, bending over a white rose with her watering can.

"You look tired," she commented.

"Yeah," I said, scratching my neck. I absently looked down at my hands. I could only just barely see the red marks from straining at the gate of eternity. They were almost faded away. "It's been a busy morning. How are the roses going?"

"Very well." Anthy put down the watering can and slipped her arm into mine. "But I can't breed some of the colors I'd like to."

"Must be a reality thing," I murmured and she nodded. It felt good to be pressed against her as we walked outside into the sun. I preferred being with Anthy when the sky was blue and I was out under it. It felt much safer than being alone. On her part, Anthy always seemed to find some reason to be with me if I had to go outside during work. I wondered if I was that easy to read.

"What do you feel like eating?" she asked me.

"Cake." I grinned. There was no way she'd give into that idea. But once again (as so often of late) she surprised me. I was beginning to suspect her of being controversial deliberately. She knew I reveled in any anti-rose-bride behavior.

"Alright," she said calmly, "let's go to the cake shop." So we did.

I started my afternoon shift feeling rather stuffed and slightly sick. _Maybe cake wasn't such a good idea_, I thought, as I cleared the empty tables. _At least not without something more substantial…_

"Utena-kun!" The newcomer stood silhouetted in the doorway. The sun was shining behind him at an angle that made it hard for me to see his face.

"Who's there?" I asked, squinting, but I already knew something was very wrong. The stranger stepped into the shop, letting the door slam shut.

"What's the matter?" he purred. "Such a relatively short time, and you've already forgotten your prince?"

I dropped my tea-tray. It was Akio.

TBC in Chapter 6: Prince & Witch

_Thanks to Lady Chani for beta reading!_


	6. Prince & Witch

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 6: Prince & Witch

Akio smiled down at me. He looked the same as ever, tall and knowing, albeit wearing a deep blue shirt instead of his trademark red. I couldn't even pretend to be friendly. I just gaped at him, clenching my shaking fists at my sides. Around us the few afternoon customers were starting to stare and whisper, as the room filled with tension.

"Well, well," said Akio as he glanced around the glasshouse, flirtatiously letting his green eyes rest on each and every customer. Behind me I knew that men and women alike would be blushing, and commenting on his looks. When it came to exuding sexual attraction, Akio was the master.

He had mastered me once, as a kind of game. Mixed in with helpless physical attraction, was all my newfound revulsion. I was terribly conscious of his subtle sense of menace. His eyes were filled with wicked schemes. I found myself backing up, until a nearby table hit my thighs.

"This is where you work?" asked Akio, his hungry eyes looking my waitress uniform up and down. "It's so…Anthy. I suppose that means Anthy works here too. Doesn't she." It wasn't a question. I watched as his eyes darted around looking for her. I suppressed a shiver.

"No," I lied, finally finding my voice. "She doesn't actually, and what are you doing here?" My voice shook a little, despite my best efforts to keep it flat and cold. I hoped that Akio would have regard for the avidly watching customers. Surely he couldn't try anything in a public setting? Surely…

He slowly stalked toward me. One languid step. Another. Another. I was frozen to the spot, caught by his small knowing smile. Now he was standing only a foot away, well within my personal space.

_Don't let him touch me_, I thought desperately. _Oh please, I couldn't bear it if he touched me_. He was so tall that my head was forced to tilt back to look up at him. I felt blood heat my face under his too-knowing gaze. Oh so slowly, one of his beautiful hands lowered to rest on my shoulder. I felt a scream welling up in my throat.

"Don't," said Akio, bending a little so warm breath tickled my ear. "Or…" His eyes flickered to one side and breathlessly I followed his gaze to a nearby table. Two young women were seated there having tea, one with blue hair and one with brown. As though at an unspoken signal, they turned their faces toward mine. I gasped as I recognized Miki's twin sister and Juri's 'friend'. I dimly remembered them from their black rose duels. Kaoru Kozue smiled at me wolfishly. Takatsuki Shiori reached subtly into her blouse to partially reveal what looked like a tiny handgun. I had run out of options.

Akio's hand clenched on my shoulder as his other hand moved to rest firmly on the small of my back. I was shaking with fear now, completely unable to pretend unaffectedness. Obviously Akio intended this to look like a lover's tryst, for out of the corner of my eyes I could see the customers turning away from us politely. The chatting level returned to normal.

"Where is she?" asked Akio again, his face dangerously close to mine.

"N…not here," I managed.

"Tell me!" he commanded running his hand from my shoulder down my back. His strong fingers raked against my skin.

"I know she is here. Just like I know you will tell me."

His fingers came to rest purposefully right over my scar. The thin cloth over his goal could not stop my strangled cry. I couldn't bear this…

"Don't touch her." Somehow, and as suddenly as always Anthy had appeared beside us. She looked and sounded furious. Had I ever seen her like this? Her eyes were flashing, her cheeks were flushed, her mouth was twisted in rage. Akio seemed taken aback but he quickly recovered, and he didn't let go of me.

"Anthy." His voice was rich and warm. "At last we reunite."

"We do nothing of the sort. Let go of her."

Akio stared down at his little sister. His mouth twisted in sudden anger, and one hand pressed cruelly on my scar. Deliberately he leaned down even closer to me.

"Utena-kun," he whispered. "Don't you remember? You'll never be her prince. Because you're a girl."

A surge of pain lanced through me, both in my heart and beneath his touch. I gasped for breath. I couldn't bear that memory. My knees buckled. The scar was healed; this should not be happening, could not be happening. I thought I saw a flash of a sword, piercing my very center, but it was gone before I could focus on it. Akio's powerful hands gripped my shoulders, preventing me from falling at his feet. I was semi-aware of Anthy tensing beside us, and a weird electrical charge building in the air.

"Utena!" she cried, and it seemed like the world exploded.

* * *

I came to my senses in the wreckage of the table, amidst the rubble that had been a nearby statue and the unfortunate birdbath.

"What happened?" I croaked to Anthy, who was lying half on top of me.

"We've got to get out of here," she said, getting up on her knees and trying to draw me up. Dazedly I rose with her, looking around us at the devastation that used to be _The Tea Garden_. It looked like a bomb had gone off! Around us shell-shocked customers were picking themselves out of the wreckage. I made out the deep blue shirt lying ten feet away, under a broken table.

_Was that..? No…_

"Utena!" Anthy's voice was sharp with desperation. "Now! Here, let me help you." I watched her numbly as she pulled my arm over her shoulder. We began to stumble toward the doorway. The door was hanging open, halfway off its hinges. I was staggering badly, and couldn't understand what was wrong with me. Looking down at my disobedient feet, I was shocked to see that my shirt was soaked red with blood. It was running from under my shirt onto the waitress skirt I hated, making it stick against my thighs. It was dripping onto my shoes.

"Come on!" ordered Anthy again, and we had reached the door and were lurching into the carpark.

"Stop!" cried a feminine voice behind us, followed by the crack of a gunshot. "Stop right now!"

We had reached Anthy's car, and she was wrenching open the door and pushing me inside. Moments later she was beside me, shoving her keys into the ignition. Another shot was fired. The back windshield shattered. I swore. Anthy floored the accelerator. I was shoved back hard against my seat, as we pealed out onto the road and away. Anthy was driving like a maniac. I could only brush away the shards of glass on the door handle, and hold on. The wind whipping through the missing back window whirled my hair around my face, so that I could barely see. Anthy was having the same problem.

She kept glancing into the rearview mirror, no doubt looking for pursuit. I managed to turn with some difficulty to see the flash of a horridly familiar red convertible. Was it gaining? I turned back around, panting with exertion. Anthy grimaced beside me.

"Hold something to that wound," she told me. "Utena, please."

"What?" I stared at her in confusion. Somehow, driving one handed she groped behind her seat for a cardigan of mine I had left on the floor.

"Here," she shoved it at me, glancing into the mirror again. "Hold this to your stomach." I obeyed her, mostly because I didn't like the way her voice shook. The drive was beginning to seem surreal to me, the road fading in and out ahead of us. My head felt woozy. Another bullet whizzed between us to shatter our front windshield. Anthy cried out and covered her eyes with one slim brown arm. Somehow, miraculously she kept the steering wheel straight with the other. I didn't even react, blinking as glass rained around my face. Some of it cut me…I was beyond lucky that it missed my eyes.

"Hold on," warned Anthy, wrenching the car abruptly down a narrow side street. We were in the city center, but I didn't recognize our surroundings…she wasn't heading home. A car honked at us as we roared past. We turned hard again, and shot out onto a main road between two trucks. I could hear a buzzing like static in my ears. It was getting hard to concentrate…I watched as my hand gripping the door handle unwrapped itself. I just didn't have the energy to hold on. My other hand slipped away from my stomach, dropping a sopping red cardigan onto my lap. I stared down at it in morbid fascination. Didn't it used to be blue? Anthy turned the car sharply again, and my body crunched into the door. I bounced off it as we turned yet again, slamming into Anthy. I felt her arm go around me and grip me tight, holding me in place at her side. It felt good, right. She was saying something, but I didn't hear it – I only felt the vibration. She pushed me down so my head was resting in her lap, and that was nice too. Her face whirled crazily over my head as she spun determinedly at the steering wheel. I thought that she was beautiful. I thought that just being with her made me happy. I thought that if we died right now, this wasn't such a bad way to go. I closed my eyes.

TBC in Chapter 7: Feel No Pain


	7. Feel No Pain

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 7: Feel No Pain

I woke up in a strange bed, in a strange dim room, with a dry mouth and pounding head. My back throbbed fiercely where it pressed against the mattress. My stomach ached too, and my hand moved reflexively to clutch it. I rolled onto my side and peered under the sheet. I was wearing only an unfamiliar pair of pajama bottoms, with bandages swathing my torso.

_Hmm, it didn't hurt before_, I thought fuzzily. Grunting with effort, I managed to push myself up against the headboard, where I leaned weakly. I felt hot. The cool air was nice on my bare chest. There was a glass of water on the bedside table, which I drained eagerly. Gradually I realized the bedroom door was slightly ajar, and voices were floating quite clearly through it.

"How did you get rid of him?" I frowned. That sounded like Juri.

"Oh…there was a lucky accident." I recognized Anthy's calm voice immediately.

"An accident?" A light male voice, also familiar. Who was that?

"A freak storm," said Anthy. "Lightning struck a tree that fell right in front of his car." A pause.

"Lightning," said Juri, in clear disbelief.

"Yes," said Anthy.

"That was lucky."

"Yes, Miki-san," said Anthy. Another pause.

"What happened to Utena-san?" Juri's voice was tight. "And don't spin me some story. You're never going to get all that blood out of your carseat."

"Will she be alright?" Miki sounded worried. "Shouldn't we take her to a hospital or something? That wound looks pretty bad…"

"She'll be fine."

"I agree with Miki-kun. She looks like she was impaled. Hell, she was half-dead when you got here! She probably needs a transfusion."

"She'll be fine."

"Uh, Anthy-san…what if she's not?" Miki sounded very young and scared.

"She'll be fine," Anthy's voice was strained. "We can't go to a hospital. He'll be looking there."

"The Chairman?" asked Juri harshly. "I thought you said his car was crushed."

"I did. That won't stop him. Not for long."

Long silence. When Anthy spoke again she sounded distant.

"He has Kaoru-san and Takatsuki-san with him." Gasps.

"Kozue," cried Miki at the same time as Juri murmured, "Shiori."

"Well," continued Juri rather dryly, "I can't say I'm surprised. Or even disappointed."

"We've got to save Kozue!" demanded Miki.

"Why?" asked Juri. Her voice lowered, became kinder. "Miki-kun, I know she's your twin, but she wouldn't be with him if she didn't want to be."

"That doesn't matter! I can't let her do this. And you shouldn't let Takatsuki-san."

"Why not? She's her own person. I'm not involved in her life."

"But…you love her."

Silence reigned again. Finally…Juri, expressionlessly:

"Past tense. And I was freed of all that, five years ago. The same goes for you."

"We can't save them," put in Anthy. "It's too dangerous. Arisugawa-senpai is correct. They've chosen to be with him."

Miki sounded desperate. "Yes, but you chose to be with him too!"

A strangled noise escaped me. Inadvertently I cried out:

"Don't say that!"

Three voices responded in shock. ("Did you hear that?" "Utena!" "Utena-san…") The door burst open, and light streamed in. My eyes went automatically to Anthy, searching for signs that she was okay. Her eyes were fixed on mine with mysterious intensity, which usually would have made me blush and look away. Now I only stared back hungrily. To my surprise both Juri and Miki froze in their tracks, staring at me with identical blushes. Anthy reached my side and sat on the bed, demurely reaching out to lift the sheet and cover my breasts. I realized what the problem was and flushed more hotly than my audience. After long moments of embarrassment the other two moved into the room. Miki took the bedside chair. Juri switched on the lamp then sat on the end of the bed. Her face was still red.

"How do you feel?" asked Anthy. Her cool hand stroked my hot cheek. She frowned and felt my forehead.

"Hmm okay, now you're here." I smiled up at her.

"Liar," she accused gently. "You're burning up."

"Doesn't matter," I murmured. "We made it."

"You always had a funny way of looking at things," noted Juri, rolling her eyes. I grinned at her.

"Yeah, you never liked it."

"No," said Juri, "I liked it. I didn't agree with it…but I liked it." One hand came up unconsciously to play with her locket. I wasn't sure what she meant but I kicked her teasingly with my foot. She smiled at me, albeit a bit sadly. I looked over at Miki curiously.

"Do you live here, Miki-kun? Um, where is here anyway?"

"Juri-senpai's apartment," said Miki. "I was visiting for dinner."

"Oh." I thought about that. I looked to Anthy who was now holding my hand. "How did you know how to get here?"

"I gave her the address when I invited you for dinner." Juri's voice was heavy with irony. "You don't know about that, do you?"

"Um…" I glanced up at Anthy uncertainly. Why hadn't she told me?

"Well, it's good that you came here," said Miki nervously. "We want to help. After what you did for us all, Utena-senpai…we need to stick together."

I nodded, but I didn't really know what I had done that was so great.

"Is it safe here?" I wondered aloud.

"For now," said Anthy. Juri and Miki exchanged uneasy looks.

"You look pretty bad," noted Juri, nodding at me.

"I'm fine," I said, raising a hand to brush away the sweat forming on my temple. "Just hot. Can we open a window or something?"

"It's too cold." Juri rolled her eyes. "You're sick, you idiot. No doubt from the, I don't know, gaping sword wound through your chest?!"

I scowled at her.

"You're crazy. It's not cold." Under the sheet I pressed my other hand tentatively against the bandage. It did feel like…well, like that other time had. That is from what I could bear to remember of it, which wasn't much. But Akio hadn't stabbed me…had he? The wound throbbed under my touch, and the room swam in front of my eyes. I slid down the headboard a little, and Anthy exclaimed and reached out to guide me back into a lying position on my side. I was unable to suppress a moan.

"Pain-killers," said Juri briskly. "I'll be right back."

"Please get the first-aid kit," Anthy said to Miki. "I want to change these bandages."

"Of course." He rushed out.

"Don't need pain-killers," I managed to get out from between clenched teeth.

"You're such a bad patient." Anthy started stroking my hair. My hand was resting near her knee and I reached out and touched it for comfort.

"Am not," I said, but even I noticed my voice was slurring a little.

"Yes, Utena-sama," intoned Anthy dutifully. I looked sharply at her just in time to see the smug smile flitter over her features, and I sighed. She was actually playing with me. How rare and wonderful. And just a tad annoying.

Her hand was tangled in the hair at the nape of my neck now. Her melancholy eyes watched me as though I might vanish given half a chance. Wasn't that how I was supposed to feel? When had everything changed?

"Himemiya," I asked, then forgot what I was saying, then remembered and started again. "Uh, where's ChuChu? Did we just…leave him there? Is he okay?"

"Let me check," she closed her eyes and for a moment I wasn't hot anymore, for the room got very cold and dark. I shivered in the blackness and reached out to Anthy, groping for her arm. I found it but it didn't help…her skin didn't feel like skin. My heart started to pound; I levered myself up on my elbow, feeling her hand fall limply from my head. Breathing heavily, I managed to roll out of bed, but lost my balance and landed hard on my hands and knees. I knelt there for a long moment, trying to get the strength to call out for the others. Before I could, the room lightened, and a blessedly familiar hand smoothed my shoulder as Anthy knelt beside me.

"What are you doing?"

"I uh, I uh…" My head whirled. "Where'd you go?" I pushed my head against her nearby chest and closed my eyes in relief. In our awkward position she was only able to half hug me. When she answered she sounded uncertain.

"I was looking for ChuChu. Come back to bed." She helped me back beneath the sheets.

I was shivering. "Is he okay?"

"Yes. I told him where we are and I'm going to…get him soon." Somehow in my feverish state this strange Anthy-saying made perfect sense. With her warmth beside me the shaking stopped.

"Oh. Good. I miss him."

"He misses you. And he's hungry." She giggled.

"Poor ChuChu. He's lucky he's got you for a friend."

"I don't spoil him like you do."

"No, you spoil him worse," I griped.

"That would not be possible."

"That's weird, because that's what happens."

"Go to sleep, silly."

"Na…you…go to sleep."

"You're sleepy. I can tell."

"Yeah, yeah. I guess I am. But I don't…spoil him…like you…do…cos…"

"Goodnight, Utena."

TBC in Chapter 8: The Sword of Logos


	8. The Sword of Logos

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 8: The Sword of Logos

I awoke in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, with pain burning a laser-hole through my abdomen. It was unbearable. Groaning, I curled up in a ball. The pain filled up all my awareness. Hazily I felt Anthy curve around my back and heard her sleepy voice call my name. After I don't know how long, I became aware that my head was somehow now in her lap, and she was half-forcing me to drink down some cloudy liquid. After another incalculable passage of time, I came back to myself as the pain faded to manageable levels. I was still in Anthy's lap with her hands stroking slowly through my long hair. I sighed and snuggled closer.

"Better?" she asked softly.

"Yeah." I sighed again. I felt safe, a feeling I had come to associate with her.

"Can you sit up? I didn't want to disturb your rest by re-bandaging."

"Yeah sure." It was actually quite the effort, but I managed it with her help, and some huffing and puffing on my part. During the effort I realized my breasts were still bare, and I felt my cheeks warm. It wasn't that Anthy hadn't seen me naked before, for various reasons. It was more that it felt good to have her see me this way, although that was stupid because I was sick after all, and there was no way she would even be looking because…my feverish thoughts didn't make sense, even to me.

"Lean forward," she said, so I did, resting my head against her shoulder for support. Very carefully her hands reached around me and started unwrapping the bandage.

"Does it hurt?" she asked for the second time that night.

"It's alright," I said. But I was unable to suppress a whimper when her hands brushed my back. They stilled immediately. I waited for a wave of pain and nausea to pass, breathing into her neck. She waited with me.

"Ready?" she asked. I clenched the sheets in my fists and nodded slightly against her. Very slowly she unwrapped the bandage, waiting several more times for me to manage the resulting pain. My fists were clenched so tightly they were starting to ache.

Finally the bandage was off, and Anthy's gentle fingers moved over my heated skin, checking the area around the puncture.

"Is it bleeding?" I managed to choke out, my voice muffled by her neck. I spit out a bit of her hair. I trembled, half afraid she'd say yes.

"No, it's stopped." Her voice was anxious. She pulled back, holding me in place by my shoulders as she studied my stomach.

"How is it?" I asked, sneaking a gaze downward. I saw a barely healed scab, positioned exactly where the scar had been. The skin around it was inflamed. I heard someone whimpering, a pitiful weak sound. With some shock I realized it was me, and that I couldn't stop. Anthy's hands tightened on my shoulders.

"Utena!" she pleaded. "It's alright. You're alright. You're here now, with me. Not there. Not there. Never again." The whimpering subsided, and then to my horror I began to cry. At this Anthy pulled me forward into her embrace, and I sobbed into her soft hair. I wept for a long time. The volatile combination of pain, fear, past and fever overtook me, and I barely knew where I was anymore. Anthy was stroking my upper back, her hands blessedly cool on my bare skin. When I had calmed somewhat, she wrapped new bandages. I watched her hands, as I alternated between sniffling, and concentrating on breathing past the pain.

My half-formed thoughts were chaotic. I didn't recognize myself. Where was my strength, my spine? What was wrong with me? I had always comforted Anthy, hadn't I? Yet now she was always the one to comfort me. It felt so wrong. I hated feeling weak, and utterly like a girl. But I couldn't hate Anthy's closeness, or her cool hands brushing my body. We were together somehow, and that was all that really mattered. Wasn't it? I silently watched her finish, put away the kit, and guide me back beneath the covers.

Lying on our sides face to face, with one of her hands resting lightly on my hip, I began to feel better.

"Sleep," she told me. "I'll stay with you." It was hard to answer honestly but I made the effort.

"It hurts too much. But stay with me anyway." She smiled a little.

"You've got a fever," she noted.

"Yeah," I said. "I don't know why I'm always the sick one lately. When are you gonna need taking care of?" Her hand slid up over my side, and then moved to my face, cupping my cheek.

"You always do that," she said. I finally smiled back.

We lay in silence for awhile. She stroked my hair some more. It helped me move past the lingering pain.

"Hey Himemiya," I said eventually. "What did he do to me? How did this…" My voice trailed off, but she seemed to know what I meant.

"I don't know," she said carefully, "but I think he…stabbed you."  
"With a sword?" I asked.

"With words."

We were silent again.

"It must be how the swords work…in this world," Anthy mused, her eyes very bleak. "Words of hate, working like invisible swords." Her hand stilled. "My words. He used my words. He used the sword I gave him." I stared at her. There was no point in denying it. Although I had denied it up to now, those words still hung between us. It cost me a lot not to change the subject.

"H…Himemiya," I started hesitantly, "I know you didn't mean it."

"Do you?" she looked at a point somewhere over my shoulder. "Sometimes it doesn't seem like that." My breath hitched. I felt like crying again.

"I'm sorry," I said helplessly. "I couldn't be your prince." Her eyes snapped back to mine with something like shock.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing," I mumbled. My head was aching now, pounding in rhythm to my heart. I was so hot. With her eyes on me, it was too hot for comfort. "I don't know what I mean."

"You are a prince." Her hand was suddenly hard where she gripped my chin and forced me to look at her. "Utena, you are my prince. We wouldn't be here if that hadn't been true all along. I'm shocked, you're shocked, everybody's shocked. But we're here. What will it take to get that through your thick skull?!"

I stared at her incredulously. I didn't know how to respond. Aggression was so rare for Anthy, and name-calling was rarer still.

Finally I muttered:

"Thick skull? Uh, doesn't that seem a bit harsh?"

"It seems appropriate," she snapped back. I realized with a jolt that she'd lost her temper. It was a first. I'd certainly never been on the receiving end. The revelation sent me from miserable to ecstatic in a few crazy heartbeats.

"Okay, okay, you win," I told her, smiling conciliatorily. "I'm thick, and you're right." She narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"I know I'm right." We stared intensely at each other and then…

She flashed a sudden grin, in that new and especially shocking fashion of hers.

"I suppose 'thick' _is_ a little harsh. Since you realize I'm right."

I grinned back. I reached out to entwine my fingers with hers.

"I think we just had our first real fight," I murmured.

Anthy blushed. It was cute.

"Oh we've argued before," she murmured back. "Just not so…overtly."

"I like it," I told her boldly.

She just sighed affectionately.

"You would."

"Have we really argued before? Really?"

"Oh yes." Her eyes twinkled as she assumed a demure expression. "I won then too."

"Hmph."

Another long while passed of lying in the dark, trying not to dwell on the constant aching. Anthy was humming something under her breath as she played with my hair. It was wildly pretty. Like her. I thought to ask:

"Is this…what it was like…for you?"

Her hand stilled again, before slowly starting to smooth back my bangs.

"I don't know," she said, "what is it like for you?"

I fiddled with her nightgown where the skirt draped over her thigh.

"Um, like fire I guess. That burns me and won't stop burning."

"Yes," she said her voice a little distant, "and eventually it burns so much that your body shuts down to it. You become numb."

I felt my breath catch in my throat. Silence stretched between us. Slowly I said:

"But you had the million swords to deal with. I only have one."

"For now," she reminded me gently. "We don't know what happened to the swords." A slight pause. "Do we?" I felt myself tense. Given our position, it was impossible for her not to have felt it too.

"Himemiya," I said, and my voice broke disturbingly on her name. "I…I can't bear to think about…that. Not yet."

"Okay." Her voice was so gentle just then. "Okay." More silence.

"I'm sorry," I said, clutching at her skirt, "so sorry. That I didn't see. That I didn't pay attention to your pain. I was so selfish…"

Her fingers moved to graze my lips, stopping me.

"You saw what I wanted you to see," she told me. "And you saw a lot more than any other, without even knowing it." Her voice was thoughtful. "You sometimes saw more than me."

"I did?" my voice was wondering. My lips tingled where they brushed against her fingers. I could hear the smile in her voice as she answered.

"Yes, Utena. You still do."

"But I was still selfish," I told her.

"So was I."

I managed a smile against her teasing fingers.

"So we're both bad?"

"Only if we're both good."

I laughed.

"Okay, okay, you win."

"Like always," she said with deliberate calm.

"Yeah, whatever."

TBC in Chapter 9: The Prince Unmasked


	9. The Prince Unmasked

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 9: The Prince Unmasked

Suffice to say, intermittent sleep, and a whole lot of pain made for a crabby Utena. After a few days of nursing by Anthy my fever abated, and then a week drifted by in which life seemed to slow down to a crawl. This was probably a side-effect of the pain medication I was practically overdosing on. I had no idea how Anthy had borne the pain. How could she possibly have endured a million swords instead of a measly one?

I knew that the others were planning something. As I alternated between the bed and the couch they would go about their business, with many whispered debates over what we should do next. I didn't catch much, but a strained sense of purpose hovered in the air. It made me edgy, much like the bright blue sky that persisted outside Juri's wall-sized windows. Miki seemed to be a permanent houseguest…after a couple of days I divined that he'd actually moved in. I wondered just how big Juri's fancy complex was. It sure was nice, like living in a five star hotel, but I missed Anthy's unit with the quirky decorating that reminded me of her even when she wasn't there.

On this particular morning (I had lost track of which day it was) Juri and Miki were eating breakfast at the low table they'd drawn up next to my couch. I didn't know where Anthy was. Having arrived under mysterious circumstances the previous day, ChuChu was now perched on the table, eating with furious determination. I gazed at his wiggling tail as it drew pretty patterns in the air. It was calming.

"Eat something, Utena-kun," ordered Juri, looking pointedly at my bowl of ramen. Why were we eating this for breakfast anyway? Perhaps Anthy had prepared it: she made strange dishes at equally strange times. Half-heartedly I fiddled with my chopsticks. I knew from past experience that Juri would force feed me if necessary. It was a good incentive to eat, but I still didn't have much appetite. Not to mention if Anthy had made this, I didn't think I was in for a treat…

"So tomorrow then," said Miki, between sips of tea. "Has everybody confirmed for our big meeting?"

Juri ticked names off on long fingers. "Let's see. Touga-san, Saionji, Nanami-kun, Tsuwabuki-kun, Shinohara-kun, and even Sonoda-kun. And of course us, and Himemiya-san." She said Anthy's name like it tasted bad.

"Why don't you like her?" I asked curiously.

Two pairs of semi-shocked eyes met mine. Juri didn't dissemble.

"Because I remember her manipulating me and everyone around me constantly. Because she made you blind to the stupidity you were committing, and because I can't bring myself to trust her."

"Oh." I fiddled with my chopsticks some more. There was an embarrassed silence. Chuchu's tail was frozen in mid-wiggle. I forced myself look up into Juri's straightforward gaze.

"But you're wrong, y'know. You just don't understand her. What she's gone through."

She simply arched a fine brow at me. "So you say. Look, Utena…"

My eyes widened at the missing honorific, and at the sight of her leaning over the table to take my hand, chopsticks and all.

"We'll have to agree to disagree. You can't change my mind about her. But you've changed my mind about your bad habit of playing prince." She cleared her throat, shifting uncomfortably. "You deserved to be the victor of the duels. I…admire your nobility."

I looked at her hand and blushed like an idiot. To my chagrin Miki chimed in.

"Yes! I think uh, that all the duelists came to see your nobility, Utena-san. I can't tell you how happy I was when I saw you holding onto your shining thing no matter what." His big blue eyes were very earnest.

I turned redder. "Stop it," I muttered. "You two are being silly."

"And you're an idiot who's far too loyal for her own good, and who can't even eat breakfast properly." Juri glared at me, but I was starting to see the affection hidden just beneath the frost. It was like you had always thought the surface you skated over was a lake of ice, but the greater reality was the current swirling underneath. The thought surprised me. How did I know that? After all, I was the first to admit I'd never been particularly deep.

"So eat," Juri said, releasing my hand. Meekly I lifted my chopsticks to my mouth. Fondness notwithstanding, this was why they were planning on helping Anthy and I? They felt like they…owed me something?

"I wonder why the chairman hasn't come yet," mused Miki, politely changing the subject. "He must know where we are, right? He seems to know everything." He shivered.

"Yes, it's strange." Juri looked thoughtful. "Maybe he was hurt in that so-called accident Himemiya-san claims happened. Can he be hurt?" They looked to me expectantly. I simply shrugged. How would I know? Besides Akio was too disturbing to even think about. Juri frowned and continued her line of thought.

"Well maybe he only knows everything about Ohtori. Maybe he's as limited here...as us." She threw up her hands in irritation. "We don't really know! We need more information."

"We should ask Anthy-san," suggested Miki. Juri glared at him.

"A lot of good that would do. Unless…" she arched an eyebrow at me. "Maybe you should ask her."

"Me?" I choked on the first bite I'd managed to take. "Why me?"

"Because you're the only person she's likely to answer, that's why. Obviously. I can just imagine the utter nonsense she'd come up with if I asked her." She rolled her eyes. Miki grinned then flushed when I glowered at him.

"It's a good idea, Utena-san," he said hastily. "We can't hope to go up against the chairman without all the help we can get. We can't proceed on assumptions, we need the facts." He fiddled with the notebook on his lap. "We've got to approach this logically. We have to win."

"Win what?" I snapped, almost immediately feeling guilty. Rubbing the back of my neck I started again. "I mean…why are we trying to fight Akio-san?" My voice tripped a bit on his name and I saw Juri blink. "We should be running!" I added. "You've been wonderful to help us, to help me, but why are we planning to attack? What are we hoping to do? You should go on with your lives, and I'll take Himemiya and…"

"Stop," Juri held up her hand in a regal gesture. "What are you talking about? You're a prince. Remember? A prince, Utena."

"Yes," agreed Miki with shining eyes.

I blinked. "Well," I said, "hmm." I felt a bit like Juri had slapped me. "Er that was then…and Himemiya's saved now…I think…and there's no need to be going overboard and…"

"So what you're saying is that you were a prince only for Himemiya-san?" Juri sounded disbelieving. Her cool eyes pierced me. "The prince saves the princess, is that it? It was all about the damn rose bride?"

"Not the rose bride," I corrected firmly, as my temper began to rise. "She's Himemiya Anthy. Her own person."

"Maybe now. Maybe." Juri's voice was rising too. "But back then she was the rose bride. So you saved her. So what? You did more than that. You were so stubborn about your idiotic notions of the right thing to do – you dragged others up out of self pity. Even me." She laughed bitterly.

"Look Utena, you changed Ohtori, you made it possible for all of us to leave. We all began to wake up and realize the duels were an evil game we didn't have to play. We started to grow, to change. You inspired us to reach past pain for something eternal. You did that. You."

I blinked at her. Her interpretation of events was pretty shocking to me.

"Yes," agreed Miki again. "You changed everything, broke the shell and revolutionized the world! You did it for us too." His voice was almost pleading. "Right, Utena-san? Right? You're the reason we woke up, aren't you? You must be."

Juri's eyes drilled into me, and her fists were clenched and shaking at her sides.

"Why, Utena? Why did you do it? For her? Only for her?!"

I felt my anger die as suddenly as it had been born. Flushing I pressed myself back against the couch wanting to hide. But even now I couldn't lie…it wouldn't be right.

"Yes," I admitted quietly. "I did it for Himemiya."

They stared at me, stunned disbelief leeching the animation from their faces.

"She needed me," I pleaded with them. "And I made a promise such a long time ago, a promise I didn't even remember making, and being a prince was about that promise, even though I didn't always know that." My words were tripping over each other in my confusion and the shock on their faces wasn't going away.

I stumbled on. "Look, Himemiya needed someone to save her from that awful place, and only a prince could do it. Don't you see, she needed it so much." I buried my face in my hands. Their eyes were so accusing.

"That's not entirely true." Shockingly it was Anthy who broke the silence, and I peeked between my fingers to see she had entered in her sudden fashion. The doorway framed her figure in a way disturbingly reminiscent of the time she'd left me to go to Touga. Her face was in shadow.

"How long have you been there?" demanded Juri in cold fury.

"Long enough." Anthy stepped into the light. Her eyes flickered to mine but I couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"What do you mean?" Miki asked Anthy. He was still staring at me like he was a puppy and I had kicked him.

"Did you know you needed saving?" Anthy folded her hands in front of her. She smiled at us benignly. Juri crossed her arms defensively. Miki looked surprised.

"No," he admitted slowly. "I guess we didn't." He looked back toward me with dawning relief. "Neither did you."

"We didn't know a damn thing. We still don't." Juri abruptly rose and left the room, her shoulders very stiff. I stared after her, scratching my neck. This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all. Should I go after her? Would she hit me if I did?

"Tea?" asked Anthy, without really asking at all. She disappeared into the kitchen, an anxious ChuChu scampering after her. Miki smiled tentatively at me. I managed a sickly smile back. We sat in awkward silence, Miki tapping his pen on his knee.

"I er, should go and do that stuff I have to do." He got up.

"You don't have to go," I said feeling dismayed. Somehow I'd really messed breakfast up.

"It's a good chance," Miki explained, even as he retreated. "A perfect time for you to ask Anthy-san about the chairman." I opened my mouth to disagree but the door was already clicking shut behind him. Wondering if he'd gone to look for Juri, I settled for putting down my mostly full bowl in relief. It just didn't taste like ramen. And who could eat with severed expectations filling the room like swords embedded in crumbling stone.

* * *

Anthy stood patiently beside the couch while I shuffled over to make room for her to sit, with me leaning up against her chest. Carefully she raised a cup of tea to my lips and let me sip.

"It's good," I said, sighing as I relaxed back against her gratefully. "I'm glad you're back." I felt her warm breath stir my hair. ChuChu leapt up onto my lap and I started playing with him.

"I'm glad I came in when I did," Anthy admitted softly.

"Me too." My voice was small. She offered me another sip of tea. Afterward I tentatively framed the question burning on my lips.

"How much did you hear?" ChuChu pulled away from me to leap to Anthy's shoulder. She said nothing for a good thirty seconds. I wished that I could see her face. With some difficulty I made myself wait for an answer. I was slowly learning it was useless to ever try and force Anthy's hand.

"Nothing that I didn't already know," she finally said. I felt something lodge in my throat. My eyes burned. Desperately I held tears back.

"So…you're not disappointed? That I, uh, that I…"

"Did it for me?" One slim arm wrapped itself under my breasts to hold me tightly. "I'm glad." Her voice was filled with emotion, which was so alien to what I was used to from her and so wondrous. I clung to her arm.

"So glad," she repeated softly.

A great happiness filled my heart. We sat in cozy silence for an indeterminable period of time. I concentrated on the warmth of her body and the faint chittering as ChuChu began to play with my hair from his perch. I didn't want to break our hard-won peace with Miki's question. That could wait. The world could wait for us, now that we'd finally found each other in this new world of possibilities.

TBC in Chapter 10: The Meeting


	10. The Meeting

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 10: The Meeting

The big meeting was in full swing. I was seated on the overly crowded couch squashed between Touga and Wakaba, since they had both rushed to sit beside me. It was wonderful to see Wakaba again even if she was clutching my right hand tight enough to bruise it, and bouncing excitedly in place. It was rather uncomfortable being next to Touga, who kept edging ever closer. It made me nervous…and strangely hot.

My general edginess of the past week was multiplied by a factor of ten. I was focused on the stars outside the lounge's massive windows (although so many less than I could remember there being at Ohtori). For some reason the expansive glittering sky made me cringe. Every time I glanced toward the window I found myself looking away again. But I couldn't help my eyes drifting back, searching for something that simply wasn't there. A planet? A dueling arena? A sharp metallic rain, hurtling down forever? I shivered.

"Are you cold, Utena darling?" Wakaba clutched my poor hand even harder. "You're far too skinny. And you don't look well. Have you lost weight? You always used to eat so much; it took me forever to pack lunches big enough to satisfy you!" I flamed red and muttered something incoherent.

"Let me warm you up," purred Touga, smoothly sliding his arm around my shoulders.

"I'm not cold," I snapped, leaning away, directly into Wakaba's ready embrace.

"I'll warm you up!" insisted my friend, throwing her arms around me. She might be five years older now, and not quite as short but it was good to see some things didn't change. Even if it was kinda restricting to lose the use of your arms…

"But you're so small," Touga pointed out to her, "surely I have more body heat to offer." I flushed.

"I'm not cold," I grumbled as Wakaba squeezed tighter, "and ow, that sorta hurts. Would you lay off?" One of her arms was now dangerously close to my stab wound. I bit my lip and tried unsuccessfully to pull away. Wakaba must have used the past five years to work out…she was seriously strong.

There was snickering from someone. I was certain that if I dared to look up several pairs of eyes would be ogling the couch's occupants. How embarrassing. Drat, somehow my sweater had managed to creep up and Wakaba's hand was brushing over my bandages.

"Oh no! You're hurt!" she accused, immediately lifting my sweater even more to get a better look. Yanking it back down I glared at her, holding her hands away.

"It's nothing," I said. "Can you two give me some space for heaven's sake?"

"It doesn't look like nothing," said Touga, his eyes more steely than usual. Was that his hand brushing my side? I pushed it away without looking.

"That's a lot of bandage," agreed Wakaba. "What happened?" Her hand reached for mine again.

"Maybe she doesn't want to say what happened," put in Touga in his most snotty voice. "Maybe you should give the lady some space."

"Maybe you should sit somewhere else, and then there'd be plenty of space," retorted Wakaba. With a sigh I flopped back and closed my eyes, tuning out their bickering. This was normal at least - they'd never liked each other. Five years apparently hadn't changed that. With another sigh I opened my eyes again to look around the room.

Miki was chairing the meeting from one of the two armchairs, and Juri was seated in the other with folded arms and a steely gaze. She hadn't spoken to me since the ill-fated breakfast of the previous morning. I tried to catch her icy eyes, but they were fixed somewhere just over my head.

On the floor around the low table knelt Anthy, Keiko, and Nanami with an attendant Tsuwabuki. Saionji had dragged out a hardbacked chair from the kitchen and sat glaring at the floor. The atmosphere was buzzing with excited tension.

"Ahem," said Miki, waiting for my couch-mates to subside. "Back to the topic at hand." Making sure to meet everyone's eyes one by one, he summed up his earlier speech.

"As I was saying, that is why we've called you all together. Anthy-san has found Utena-san but the Chairman has found her too. We all remember that it was actually he who was behind the madness of the duels, that hurt us all so much." His lip trembled for a moment, and I knew that he was thinking of his twin. Straightening his shoulders he pushed bravely on.

"It's because of the er, shining example of Utena-san that we all have managed to graduate in these past five years. So we have to help her now."

"Uh, shouldn't our first priority be our own safety?" Keiko looked nervous to be speaking up, but determined nonetheless. "The assistant chairman…he's very dangerous. Who knows what he's capable of? What he wants to do to all of us?"

"Really, Sonoda-kun." Touga sounded amused. "I'm sure the chairman has better things to do with his time." His thigh shifted closer to mine. I shifted closer to the bouncing Wakaba.

"That's right!" snapped Nanami, glaring at her ex-minion. "Why would he have any interest in an insect like you?"

"Yeah!" agreed Tsuwabuki. He might be older, but he still seemed to be Nanami's yes-man. I thought that was somehow sad. Hadn't he wanted to grow up? Growing up meant changing old habits, bad habits…a metamorphosis that gave you wings and demanded you fly somewhere.

Keiko flushed and looked down. I could see her hands shaking with anger as they wrapped around her teacup. It made me feel worried to see things like that. I was sure I never used to notice the details. What did it mean that I noticed everything now? Reflexively I glanced over toward Anthy, to find her already watching me. She smiled gently and I tried a tentative smile back.

"That's enough." Juri's voice was cold. "We're not here to squabble like children. We're adults now. Adults in the real world."

"And isn't it such a great place?" Saionji dripped sarcasm, surprising me with his bitterness. I saw in the others' faces that they were startled too. He ranted on.

"I'm sure we're all very thankful to Tenjou as the magical _prince_ who was victorious in the last duel. Pity that the last duel remains some great mystery that nobody's allowed to talk about in any detail."

"That's true," said Nanami, turning her head to glare up at me. "We spent years looking for you, and when you finally pop up nobody gets to know where you've been! It's ridiculous. Just like everything about you always was."

I tensed. It was shocking to hear even Nanami admit she'd been searching for me. My last memory of her involved her stalking off the games field in a huff after she finished insulting me. Yet she had looked for me…

"I'd like to know too," admitted Wakaba in a small voice. She'd stopped bouncing. "Can't you tell us, Utena?" Her eyes went all huge and beseeching. I felt a stab of guilt. Shifting in place, I tried to avoid the question.

"I don't really remember it all that well…"

"Really?" Juri's strong voice cut through the room toward me. "Is that really true?" Oh so now she decided to talk to me. I shrugged, feeling myself grow red.

"If that's true," continued Juri, "then why do you get so upset every time we ask you?"

"Touché," purred Touga. I felt myself begin to grow angry.

"It's not important," I snapped. "It's not relevant."

"That's the stupidest thing you've ever said," bit out Saionji. "Which is saying something. Whatever happens, wherever you've been, it changes everything. It changes what we do now."

"Or don't do," added Keiko nervously.

"Tell us!" insisted Nanami, ignoring Keiko, "tell us now!"

"Tell us!" echoed Tsuwabuki, in a most annoying fashion.

"Please, Utena." Wakaba squeezed my hand.

"It's time you tell us," agreed Touga, taking my other hand smoothly. I snapped.

"Stop it!" I pulled away from them both, leaping to my feet and rounding on them. "I can't tell you, alright?! I can't stand to think about it!"

"Why?!" Juri leapt to her feet too. "Tell us why!"

Wildly I looked to Anthy for help. But she just sat there silently, avoiding my eyes. With a shock I realized that she wouldn't help me now…perhaps she wanted to know the answer too badly? Or did she have another motive? Feeling confused and defeated, I lowered my head.

"Stop it," I repeated in a strained voice. My hands were clenched and shaking at my sides. Everyone except Anthy stared at me with varying expressions of determination, curiosity and pity. Their eyes burned me. I couldn't look.

"Utena." Juri's voice was unexpectedly quiet as she took my arm. Somehow she'd crossed the room to stand in front of me. "Utena, you must tell us. It's the only way we can win. And…maybe it will help."

"It can't help," I said in low despairing tones. "I don't think anything can help." Her hand on my arm bothered me, but I didn't have the energy to shrug it off. The anger had been an instant flame that burned me out and left me wanting. Juri gently tilted my chin up, forcing me to look at her. Her intense eyes were surprisingly kind.

"You don't know that. Besides, you've always been the champion of the truth. You always spoke it even when it hurt those you spoke to, or hurt yourself. You hate lies, remember?" Her other hand moved to my shoulder. "So be true to yourself. Tell us the truth now, all that you remember of it."

The room was silent and staring. To my horror I felt tears slide down my cheeks. I was Tenjou Utena, the girl who wanted to be a prince with strength and nobility as my sword and shield. I did not cry, especially in front of a crowd of my old schoolmates. Uncharacteristically I longed to flee. I had never run from anyone or anything in my princely career, but I had to run now. Tensing under Juri's light touch, I prepared to pull away and race for the door. Juri's eyes narrowed as she watched me, the same way they had during our duels.

"No!" Correctly guessing my intention she grabbed my upper arms. She actually shook me hard, just like she had so long ago. "You don't get to run! You don't get to run away from all the pain we've had to go through, wondering what happened to you. Straighten up, and tell us what you know!" I slumped in her hold and she angrily shoved me away, back down onto the couch between Wakaba and Touga. Looming over me, she crossed her arms.

"God, what's wrong with you?! You've lost all your spine!"

No-one said a word. I choked on a sob as the first admission tore its way out of me.

"Akio-san was there." Silence met this. Wasn't anybody surprised? I stumbled on.

"Akio was my…prince, the one who drew me out of my coffin when I was a little girl. Y'know, when my parents died." Saionji made a strange noise in the back of his throat.

"He looked so handsome in his white suit," I remembered, as a strange longing rose in my heart. "I was happy to see him, but it was…bad too." I stared down at my fretful hands twisting in my lap. "I felt like something was wrong."

"Of course it was." Nanami was scornful. "I tried to tell you!"

"Did you?" I looked up, and whatever she saw in my eyes made her own rebound away. "Did any of you?" I asked. So many guilty faces now, and nobody meeting my eyes but Anthy alone. She gazed up at me with eyes brimming with tears. She was biting her lip. Dragging my eyes from hers, I struggled miserably on.

"He was Ends of the World all along." My voice was bitter. "I never even guessed it until then. I was such an idiot." My hands and my heart clenched painfully. "Himemiya vanished and when I looked for her she was lying on the stairs, looking like she was broken." My voice cracked. "I tried to ask Akio-san about it but he called me his pr…princess. He said we could live together in the castle in the sky, happily ever after."

"Really?" Touga's voice was faintly suspicious. "That's what he said?"

I went on as though he hadn't spoken. If I stopped now I'd never be able to start again. "H..he pulled the sword out of my chest…"

Gasps all around.

"And I turned into a princess. Suddenly I was dressed just like Himemiya, but in a pink bridal gown. He wanted to make me forget I was a prince." I looked at Anthy and suddenly forgot where I was, as I found answering anguish in her eyes.

"I kept looking for you, but you wouldn't look at me. You were sitting on that awful couch like you were d…dead. Akio-san said I should forget you, that I wasn't a pr…prince, since I'd even betrayed Kanae-san to be with him."

I'd never admitted that betrayal to myself before. Feeling sick I flushed with shame.

A strangled exclamation, I couldn't tell from who. I still couldn't tear my eyes away from Anthy's. We were gazing at each other like we were drowning. My voice became more and more husky.

"Then you were lying there in his l…lap, and he was stroking your hair, and your eyes were…oh God, so empty. I looked for you but you wouldn't look up at me. You weren't even really there!" Anthy's hands flew to her cheeks and unlike then, she was looking at me now. Peering right into me, into what was left of my heart.

My voice was hoarse. "He bent over you, and all these…s…swords just exploded out of you!" My voice shook with the horror of the moment. "He said it was because you were a w…witch, that it was your punishment which you deserved. He said that you, that you, he said y…you liked it."

"She did," purred that deep familiar voice. With a strangled cry I finally tore my eyes from Anthy's. I couldn't believe it. Akio stood framed in the doorway, looming over us all with a smug smile. Like at the teahouse, it was completely unexpected. Utter chaos erupted.

TBC in Chapter 11: Weapons


	11. Weapons

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 11: Weapons

At first I was frozen.

Beside me Touga leapt up, while Wakaba clutched my arm. Juri was on her feet, backing away slowly, dragging Miki with her. Nanami, Tsuwabuki and Keiko were clinging to each other seemingly unaware of the fact. A horrified Saionji had fallen off his chair and was staring up at Akio from the floor.

Meanwhile Anthy hadn't even turned her head to look at her brother. Rather her eyes were glued on me. I didn't understand her expression which was a strange mix of panic and appeal. Slowly I pushed myself to my feet, my own eyes flitting from Akio to Anthy and back again. A sense of dread hung thickly in the air. Was that buzzing only in my imagination?

"Do you like it, Utena-kun?" Akio's voice was richly amused, like he was about to burst into laughter at any moment. "Do you like the pain of the million swords of hatred?"

"W…What?" I stammered, and having managed speech I was suddenly able to rush to stand beside Anthy's kneeling form. It was hard to think past the cloying fear that dampened my back with sudden sweat. Vaguely I felt one of Anthy's damp hands brush my leg. She was sweating too.

"You've had a little taste." Akio's knowing eyes brushed my abdomen. "Did you like it?"

"Stop it, you bastard!" Juri's voice was cold and clipped. Out of the corner of my eye I saw she was shaking, although she held herself stiffly erect. Miki was with her, both of them having moved to stand supportively at my shoulders. If they'd had swords they would have been holding them in defensive postures. But Akio just laughed, placing one hand on his slim hip in an arrogant pose.

"Do you think you deserve it?" he asked me, ignoring Juri. "Or have you had enough? Perhaps…Anthy deserves it more?" He smiled in apparent kindness down at his sister, but I knew it was a lie, just like everything about him. His smile snapped my temper, helping me gather up my fragmented courage.

"She never deserved it!" I hissed. "You did! You do!" I took a step toward him, but was immediately pulled back by Juri and Miki grabbing my shoulders, while Anthy wound an arm around my legs. Akio threw back his head and laughed.

"You seem a little confused," he purred, running one hand through his long hair, which he wore out to match his prince's uniform. "The prince doesn't bear the swords. That is the duty of the rose bride." His eyes narrowed as he glanced down at her again, obviously trying to get her attention. "After all it's Anthy's fault that the prince became World's End. Isn't it, Anthy?"

Somebody gasped. Someone else cried out.

"Is that true?" asked Saionji almost wonderingly.

"I believe it!" said Nanami, glaring at Anthy with tangible hatred and fear.

"Don't be an idiot, you can't believe a word this dog says," bit out Juri.

"Oh I don't know," murmured Touga. "Some of what he says makes sense."

"Traitor!" hissed Saionji.

"Let's get out of here," Keiko begged nobody in particular.

"It's not Himemiya's fault," I shouted, holding up one hand to stop them all. "She tried to save Akio-san a long time ago." I glowered across the room at him.

"You don't have a very good understanding of, well, anything really," said Akio mildly, as though he was talking to an idiot toddler. "I don't think you should be the one telling this story. Not when you're missing one…key…piece." His tone was dark with destructive promise. I wanted to yell questions at him even while I wanted to pick Anthy up and flee.

While I teetered on indecision the tableau unexpectedly shifted. Unbelievably Miki stepped forward and snapped out the question that was foremost on his mind.

"Where's Kozue?" He glanced back appealingly to Juri and with a sigh she stepped forward to join him.

"And Shiori?" she added wearily.

Akio regarded them both as though they were his own errant children.

"There there," he said placatingly. "They're in the hospital of course. Surely Anthy's told you all about the little accident she was responsible for. Or maybe she didn't tell you? Witches do like to have their secrets." He sneered down at his sister and her arm tightened reflexively around my legs. Without looking away from the danger I reached one hand down to touch her hair.

"How badly is Kozue hurt?" asked Miki in a shaking voice. He sagged where he stood and I suddenly understood that he would be no help now. It was as though Akio had disarmed him with some particularly clever swordplay.

"She asked for you," purred Akio, "right before she fell into a coma."

Miki made a noise that sounded like a strangled sob. Somehow I was reminded of the long-ago duel when Touga beat me, when I thought he was my prince. His words had been like a sword then. And hadn't Anthy said the swords were words in this world? Or had they always been words?

Juri growled and stepped protectively past Miki, putting her within arm's reach of Akio.

"You're so full of it," she told him. "How can we believe you when you're the prince of lies?" Akio merely laughed into her accusing face.

"I take it you're not so concerned about Shiori-kun. And you'd accuse _me_ of having no heart." He smiled wolfishly. Juri took a step back. I couldn't see her face but the set of her shoulders was uneven. Slowly her head slumped forward. Akio laughed again. Without knowing what I did I strode forward to rest my hand on her back.

Something shattered. There was an unexpected flash of heat and light. I was doing something to Juri, something that caused her shoulders to straighten and her head to rise. The locket around her neck had started glowing with intense golden light. My hand felt like it was glued between her shoulder blades, pressing a little to the left over where her heart must be. An energy was surging between us, born of will and fire.

"Utena!" cried Anthy from behind me as the others gasped and murmured. Over Juri's shoulder I saw Akio's eyes widen, than narrow in consideration. Whatever it was, it lasted only seconds before my hand fell away to hang limply by my side. I swayed there, feeling drained and more than a little confused. In stark contrast, Juri exploded into action.

"Bastard!" she hissed, and she punched him. Technically it was a beautiful punch; my world slowed down to a snail's pace and I could see that she excelled in punching like she did in fencing. Had she taken lessons? Her fist arced toward Akio's jaw in what would surely be the right hook of the century…

Time snapped back into motion. Akio caught Juri's wrist in one hand and twisted. There was a snapping sound. With a strangled cry she fell to the side. I stared. He had done that negligently like she was nothing to him, less than nothing. His eyes met mine and he smiled like the predator he was. Before I could move he was on me, backhanding me with tremendous force. My lip split under the jagged edge of his rose seal. Crumpled next to Juri, I lay dazed as Akio laughed above us.

"Pathetic," he crowed. "Did you think you'd save her, Utena-kun? How can you? You can't even save yourself." He reached inside the breast pocket of his jeweled shirt. "Remember this?" I pushed myself up into a half-sitting position, staring dazedly at the white silk handkerchief he'd revealed. It was wrapped around something, some mystery object that sent my teeth humming and crimson flashing in front of my eyes. Desperately I struggled to my feet, standing in a half-crouch over the moaning Juri.

"The first victor to wield her own sword," purred Akio, sweeping the room with languid eyes. He had a captive audience, each duelist simply watching him in stationary shock. Slowly, surely he allowed the handkerchief to flutter open. My eyes were riveted to the two long shards of broken metal within. So familiar…I felt like I was going to be sick. With a flourish Akio let the pieces fall. My knees gave out the instant the metal hit. I hit the floor hard, knees than face.

"So much for the sword of nobility," he smirked, as I writhed helplessly at his feet. "It turned out to be…defective." Negligently he bought one white boot down hard on the remains of my heart-sword, grinding it against the floor by my head. Anthy screamed my name. I think maybe some of the others did too, but hers was the only voice I could make out. Everything went black.

But only for one merciful second.

The world rushed back. Somehow I managed to raise my head, seeing everything tainted with bloody streaks. My head whirled as Akio sauntered past me toward his still-kneeling sister.

"So much for your girl prince," he sneered to her. She finally looked up at him and her eyes were blank with what I now knew was hatred. Why had I never seen it? Had it been hidden behind something else?

"What is a prince without a sword?" Akio asked as though it was the most reasonable question in the world. He reached a hand down toward her. "The sword of Dios disappeared, sister. The sword of nobility is broken. There is no power left to revolutionize the world, now is there?"

Anthy's eyes were blank, horrifically blank. I moaned.

"There is no world but that which we know," Akio's voice was terribly gentle. "I've come to take you back to our home, Anthy." He smiled, looking like the prince who could save all the girls in the world. "We've always been together," he murmured to her, as though they were alone in the room. "We always will be."

It sounded so reasonable when he put it like that. I felt the magic moving beneath his words, so smoothly certain. He was the prince, the original and the only. He had come to claim his family, and to dethrone imposters. The lie slid against my mind (warm and comforting) for a moment…then I thrust it away. It was a lie! He was the liar!

"Anthy!" I screamed. I pounded my fist into the floor, pushing my trembling body to its feet. I didn't need some stupid sword. I had my will for a sword. And my will was Anthy! Her shocked eyes snapped up to mine. There was nothing in them for one hellish moment, then the blankness became awareness. Desperately I stumbled forward, half falling every second.

"Leave," she told her brother. Her voice was small and quiet, but oh so definite. It brooked no arguments. It wasn't submissive. Gasping, he drew his hand back, as though she'd burned him.

"Don't do this," he told her, and while his voice was calm his raging eyes were anything but. "You don't have much power left, do you Anthy? That little stunt at the tea house…the car accident…" He folded his arms. "What is a rose bride without her beloved Dios? Without the castle of eternity?" His tone took on an edge of resentment. "What is a witch without the million swords of hatred?"

"Are you afraid?" asked Anthy and it wasn't a question. Her eyes were so cold it hurt me just to see them, even directed elsewhere. Slowly she raised both her hands to Akio, palms facing forward.

"This will be the last time you interfere!" Akio warned her, enraged and petulant all at once. I stumbled closer. "You won't be able to protect her much longer," he railed at Anthy. But he was backing away all the same. "Why are you wasting your time?!"

"Why are you blind to the truth?" she replied and her eyes were like ice as a lone tear slid down her cheek. She murmured something, something I couldn't hear properly, or else didn't have a frame of reference for and just…pushed out. She pushed her palms out toward Akio, but didn't touch him…

The world exploded into white. I tripped over myself and fell just short of Akio, or rather of where he had been. Akio's form rushed backwards past me, past everyone, out the door and into the night. The door slammed. I struggled back to my feet as the aftershock slammed through the air. I could have sworn I heard the echo of Akio's laughter in the roaring around me. Helplessly I fell back to the floor. So close to where Anthy knelt now, she was only inches away…I wrapped my fingers in her skirt. I blinked up at her as the white shimmer faded.

"Anthy," I croaked.

"You called me Anthy," she said, as though that was the most fascinating thing to come out of the meeting. Her eyes were wide and soft, softer even than her hands brushing away the blood from my split lip.

"Uh," I said foolishly, "I guess I did."

"We have to get out of here!" Nanami was on her feet, wild-eyed and terrified, hair looking like a bomb had gone off. (Which maybe it had. I was rather unclear on the nature of the proceedings.) "He could be back at any moment!" she shrieked. "Run!" Several people started to do just that.

"Stop," Anthy's quiet voice was like an iron reed. Nanami stopped. Everybody stopped. We all looked at Anthy, still on her knees in the most unthreatening position imaginable. I couldn't help noticing the fear on most faces. It bothered me, even while I understood it to be a fair reaction. "I've bought us some time," she said, with such certainty that it was impossible to doubt her. "We have at least a day to escape him. Probably two."

"What do we do?" fretted Wakaba, flittering over to crouch down next to us. "He said," she flashed a petrified glance at Anthy, "your ah, p…power is gone?" Anthy didn't confirm or deny it. She merely looked over to where Miki was helping Juri struggle into a sitting position.

"You have resources for us to try and outrun him?" she asked Juri.

For a long level moment Juri stared across the room at Anthy, clutching her obviously broken wrist with her good hand. Then her eyes flickered to me, and she sighed.

"Yes. Yes I do. Miki-kun…what we talked about. Can you arrange it now?" He rushed to obey her.

"I'm outta here!" Keiko stumbled to the door and started pulling fruitlessly at the handle. "You people are crazy! You should all leave now, and let the chairman have her." She glared in Anthy's general direction without daring to look right at her. "You heard what he said," she gasped, her fingers scrambling madly. The door seemed to be stuck. "It's her fault anyway, so leave her and let's get out of here. He doesn't want us, he wants her!"

"He wants us all," I said, and I knew it to be the unpalatable truth, even as I still didn't know how I knew it. "He needs Himemiya first, but he'll come for us all in the end." I looked at Keiko, and suddenly her knobbly elbows clawing at the door seemed rather insect-like to me. "Don't go, Sonoda-kun," I pleaded. "You won't be safe."

"Shut up!" she gasped, tugging at the door. "You're an idiot and you don't know anything."

"We're all his pawns," said Saionji miserably from the ruins of his chair. "Game pieces for him to use and destroy. I think I always knew it, felt it deep inside."

"Don't be a fool," retorted Touga, reaching down to haul his friend off the floor. "Snap out of it."

"No, you snap out of it!" hissed Saionji, clutching Touga's shirt in angry fingers. "You think you're so smart! But really you're being set up for a bigger fall than the rest of us poor scum."

Touga stared at Saionji silently, and he didn't push him away. I wondered what he was thinking beneath his cool exterior.

"Let me go!" cried Keiko again, "I have to go!" Beside me I heard Anthy murmur almost under her breath in the affirmative. The door came open at last, and Keiko stumbled outside and was gone. I stared over Anthy's shoulder after her, wondering how it had come to be that Anthy was buried in my arms, which were under her arms and over her shoulders. I clutched her convulsively to my chest. Although she couldn't see my face she answered my questioning look, whispering against my neck:

"It was her choice." Slowly I found myself nodding. But I didn't like it. We shouldn't leave anyone behind, even Keiko. Even if she didn't want to be saved. Yet we didn't have time to go after her…

"If we have to trust one of them, and we have no other choice, I say we trust the rose bride," snapped Nanami. Tsuwabuki was dusting her off. She glowered over at us and I could see in every tense line of her body that she was scared stiff and trying to hide it.

"I'm not the rose bride," said Anthy, even as I said:

"She's not the rose bride."

"Whatever," sniffed Nanami. "At least we have you," she glared at me, "as some kind of guarantee."

"Huh?" I said.

But Nanami ignored me as I helped Anthy to her feet, wrapping one arm over her slim shoulders. I swayed a little, feeling an ache deep inside my chest. Anthy swayed too, clearly exhausted. Mournfully I surveyed the rubble all around us that had minutes before been Juri's tastefully decorated lounge.

"A van is on its way," announced Miki, rushing back into the room. "We need to pack. Hurry."

"Oh goody," said Saionji, "I suppose I get to wear clothes that belong to a midget." He sneered at Miki who manfully ignored him.

"Poor Keiko-sempai," said Tsuwabuki mournfully.

"Don't be silly," snapped Nanami, but she sounded worried.

Juri picked her way over to where Anthy and I stood, stepping over the remains of her couch as she nursed her arm against her chest.

"I just want to say," she said through gritted teeth, "you two are officially uninvited for dinner."

"Uh sorry," I mumbled. I knew that this was just Juri's way of keeping it together. She wasn't one to show weakness of any kind.

"Your furniture was very nice," said Anthy, sounding quite unrepentant.

"Yes," growled Juri, "yes it was."

I flushed. You really couldn't take Anthy anywhere.

TBC in Chapter 12: Beneath the Surface


	12. Beneath the Surface

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 12: Beneath the Surface

It was a nightmare, it had to be. Nine of us crammed into one camper van on a murderously hot day. We were racing down a road in the middle of nowhere. The van was painted red (Miki had mumbled his apologies, ironically the rental shop had no other colors available), which magnified the unbearable heat. Naturally the sky was cloudlessly blue. I was reminded of the gaping maw of some mythical beast, hovering over its next meal. All around us stretched what appeared to be a desert landscape. I didn't remember there ever having been wilderness nearby. And wasn't it winter?

Saionji was driving, with Wakaba as his self-appointed company in the passenger seat. I could hear the high-pitched buzz of her constant conversation through the partition. Obviously she was excited to have her highschool crush all to herself. I couldn't hear anything from him aside from the occasional grunt.

Everyone else was crowded miserably in the camping section; Juri and Miki were seated on the bottom bunk, Miki expertly wrapping a bandage around her wrist. Nanami was having her hair brushed by Tsuwabuki on the top bunk (which was rather disturbing to watch). Touga was stretched out laconically on a tiger-skin, filling the floor space with his sinuous frame. He looked remarkably comfortable. Finally there was an old armchair in the very back (as out of place as the rug) which I was sharing with Anthy half-seated on top of me. I was hot and sweaty with my hair sticking unpleasantly to my neck. Yet I wouldn't have moved for anything.

Anthy had been quiet and almost…washed-out since the confrontation at Juri's, and I wanted to keep an eye on her. For my own part I was conscious of my wound throbbing lightly where her spine pressed against me (but who cared about something like that), and of a general ache in the vicinity of my heart. Frankly I was more attentive to the threatening blue sky, just outside those ridiculously frilly curtains. No, Anthy wasn't going anywhere if I had anything to do about it. Wrapping my arms loosely around her waist I breathed in her comforting scent.

"Where are we going anyway?" asked Nanami. "Ow. Have a care, Tsuwabuki-kun. Be gentle!"

"Yes, Nanami-sama, sorry." He sounded more excited than repentant. I guessed it wasn't everyday a just-turned teenager got to be so intimate with his adult mistress.

"We need to put distance between us and Ohtori-san." Juri's voice was thoughtful. "We need time to decide what to do."

"Yes," said Miki, "although…it bothers me that we're going away from Kozue."

"We have no choice," Juri reminded him. "She's with the chairman. You can be sure he'll be aware of everything that happens to her."

"Yes," he said dejectedly. "I hope she's not hurt too badly."

"He's a liar," Juri told him. "I doubt she's in a coma…" She paused uncertainly, obviously realizing she had no way of proving that statement. Miki was hanging his head.

Awkward silence.

"What's so interesting outside?" asked Touga. With a start I realized he'd propped himself up on his elbows and was watching me intently.

"Er nothing," I said, face burning.

"Oh really?" he purred back.

"It's so hot," I moaned, trying to change the subject. Anthy was wearing a midriff top in palest green and I watched in fascination as a line of sweat dripped down her stomach. It ended up sliding past the waistband of her schoolgirl-style skirt, which remained as short as in our school days. Her legs slid smoothly along my own mostly bared ones. This was clearly the advantage of wearing my mini-shorts…I blushed at my odd thoughts without knowing why.

"I'm tired," Anthy murmured. Half-turning she pushed her head against my chest. I moved to wrap my arm accommodatingly around her shoulders.

"Sleep," I told her. "We don't have to do anything right now." She husked something I didn't quite catch and relaxed against me. Her forehead was digging into my collarbone but I didn't want to move her. Something told me she needed all the rest she could get. My arms tightened a little. I just…didn't want to lose her. The craziness of current events made me fear I might. But that couldn't happen, right? Since the last duel, I didn't have to worry about things like that. Right? I fretted and studiously avoided looking in Touga's direction.

A little while later when Anthy was soundly asleep (and snoring into my ear, worst luck) Juri picked her way over to perch on the arm of our chair. Her injured wrist was swathed in bandages now, strapped against her chest in a sling.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly in her rather abrupt fashion. Covertly she glanced toward the others, checking that they couldn't overhear. "I understand now why you er…" She paused uncertainly.

"Lost my spine?" I filled in for her. She had the good grace to blush. I dredged up a grin. "Oh well, good, because I'm not so sure how it happened myself." Juri looked like she didn't know whether to believe me.

"Your heart sword is broken," she told me. "Right? That's what those shards of metal were?" I only shivered in response and she touched my arm lightly. "How anyone could survive that I don't know. It's no wonder you're…different. But somehow you're still the same." One graceful hand moved to start fiddling with her locket, and I felt oddly uncomfortable without knowing why.

"Thank you for…whatever it is you did to help me back there." Oddly enough she sounded uncomfortable too.

"No problem," I muttered, "you would have done the same for me." She looked up again and for one heartstopping moment I felt like I was drowning in pools of green…that weren't the pools I wanted to be drowning in. I wrenched my eyes away and looked down at the top of Anthy's head instead. There, that was safe. When had Anthy stopped snoring?

Juri cleared her throat. "How did it get broken?" she asked me, gently for her, and after all that had happened I thought I should try to tell her that much.

"Akio used it to try and beat down the rose gate," I said. "He thought it was the key. But it wasn't."

"The door to eternity," murmured Juri, something very like awe in her voice. She studied me intently. "Did it…open then? Did you…"

"Yes," I admitted. "I don't know how but I got it open." Reflexively I glanced at the tracery of scars on my hands. Juri's eyes followed mine.

"What was there?" she asked slowly.

"Anthy," I said, testing the unfamiliar-familiar name on my tongue. It was strange not to call her Himemiya, for I always had. But in this time and place with so much between us, it was also right.

Juri gasped again. "What?!"

"It was her coffin," I revealed, as I started to stroke Anthy's hair. "She didn't even know me at first." We fell silent as we both thought about the ramifications of that. Juri didn't speak for a long time, just watched me watching Anthy. I was too tired to ask what she was thinking, and she didn't volunteer it.

Eventually she got up and went back to Miki. They conversed in whispers, conspicuously not looking at me. I sighed. No doubt they were back to their plotting and planning. Well. Maybe somebody should be. Anthy kept her own counsel. And I didn't have any head for games, either five years previous or now when I needed to even more.

* * *

An hour later we saw the first sign of pursuit. Touga was standing at the window gazing out when he shouted in alarm.

"There!"

Juri and Miki were at his sides in a moment, straining to see.

"What is it?!" I asked from where I was trapped cradling Anthy.

"I don't know yet," said Touga grimly. "But it looks like Akio-san."

I swore under my breath.

"It's a red convertible," Miki told me. "It's gaining."

I swore again. Nanami whimpered from the bunk.

"Wait a minute," said Juri, "is it really a convertible?"

The three of them stared some more.

"Nooo," said Touga at last, "I don't think it is. It's some other model I haven't seen before. Close though."

"Very close," murmured Miki. "They're going to pass us."

"Who's in it?" I asked. What the hell was going on?!

"Um, three girls," revealed Miki. "I can't see them properly, the sun's in my eyes…they're just silhouettes."

"They look familiar," said a grim Juri.

"Not to me." That was Touga. He shrugged at Juri's annoyed look.

"There's another car coming already," pointed out Miki. "See that dust cloud on the horizon?"

"There's been no traffic at all until now," noted Touga, before continuing in a surprised voice: "it's red."

I gasped and Tsuwabuki climbed down the bunk to run to where the others stood at the window.

"It would be red," muttered Juri.

"It's a convertible!" announced Miki.

I couldn't stand it. I slipped out from beneath Anthy, trying my best not to wake her. She slumped to one side and didn't stir, confirming to my mind her newfound vulnerability. Not that she wasn't always oddly vulnerable…

I rushed to press myself between Juri and Touga. The convertible was rapidly gaining, despite the fact we were fairly flying down the road. As it drew even we all gasped. It was…was it…Akio-san? No it couldn't be…

It wasn't.

But the long-haired man in the business suit bore more than a passing resemblance. He titled his sunglasses and glanced over to smile at us. We gaped like idiots. His car roared on ahead and then out of sight.

"Weird," muttered Tsuwabuki. "Come and see, Nanami-sama."

"No thanks," she growled from the top bunk.

"This is ridiculous," hissed Juri. Another red car had already appeared on the horizon. "He's playing with us. He has to be."

"Maybe it's a coincidence," said Touga. We all watched this red car (rather beat up as though it had been in an accident) struggle to pass us. Two young women were in evidence: the violet-haired one with her arm in a sling, and the blue-haired one apparently asleep in the passenger seat. Or at least she was slumped back and her eyes were closed… Miki froze. Juri looked outraged.

"It's not them," she told him stiffly. "Just relax." And she was right, it wasn't anyone we knew. It was just a red car, and they were just strangers. Slowly but surely they passed us, leaving us shivering in their wake and watching the horizon.

We waited.

Long minutes passed. No more cars came. We waited some more. Eventually we drifted back to our places, one by silent one.

The cars had been coincidence. Just like the desert. Just like the way Akio kept turning up at the worst possible time. I gritted my teeth as I slid back into the armchair and gently repositioned Anthy's sleeping form. Sure. Coincidence.

* * *

The sun was sinking into the horizon when we pulled up at a convenient hotel. Actually the hotel was a tad too convenient…it was a five star tower, obviously belonging in a bustling city. Yet here it was just when we needed it, standing on the edge of the unnatural wilderness. It was wrong.

Juri and Miki discussed this while Saionji and Touga bickered. Eventually the group headed into the hotel to book anyway (where else could we go?), leaving me alone in the van with my still sleeping companion. In the gathering shadows of twilight I bent my head toward her ear.

"Anthy," I whispered enjoying the taste of her name on my lips, and the accompanying sensation of her own lips brushing the hollow of my neck where she lay.

"Utena-sama," she murmured, which made me frown, and then there was an instant where I felt minute tension in her body as she froze. No doubt she was wondering where (and when?) she was. Then she relaxed and leaned back to look up at me. My arms were loosely around her now. Her eyes were so innocent, so vulnerable, as I had always noticed. Yet suddenly I saw they were also ancient…knowing…cold. Beneath the warmth was something…sly. Was this what some of the others had seen? Why they didn't like her? I gasped just a little.

She stayed still and gazed back at me. For a moment I wondered if she knew what I was thinking…if she always knew.

"Your eyes…" I stumbled to a stop.

"Yes?" she husked.

"Th…they're beautiful." I meant it. Beneath that ancient slyness was something else, something new. Something I could only just glimpse – something being born.

She laughed. It was a joyous sound, and in that moment she looked wild and fey. Helplessly I ran one hand through the glorious mane of her hair. She smiled up at me, looking so much better than she had, and only a little tired. Her head leaned into my hand as her hand rose to rest lightly on my chest, directly over where my heart-sword was. I sighed at the strange sensation. Slowly the low-level throbbing intensified, almost like her questing fingers were a brand.

"It hurts," she said, not a question.

"Yes," I gasped, and I was not surprised to see the globe of light she always conjured begin to illuminate her hand.

"Let me…just try this," she murmured and her eyes slanted half-shut in concentration. They always did when she drew my sword. I saw they were secretive, even seductive. Had I truly never noticed that before?

"Okay," I husked back, biting my lip at the familiar sensation. As always I felt pleasure course through me, building and building until it hovered right on the point of pain. My eyes dropped closed and my head went limp against the chair-back. If I'd been standing surely my body would have flowed backwards, caught up in the magic of this ritual. But it was different this time. Pain was flaring too, in ever-higher arcs, making me gasp and writhe beneath Anthy's hand. My stinging eyes blinked back open to see Anthy's were wide as she studied the burst of light.

"It's okay, shhh. Just try and keep still," she murmured to me, trying to lift her hand to call the sword forth. I glimpsed the very tip of the jeweled foil begin to emerge and then it stopped with a grating sound. I ground my teeth. Agonizing. Something was going wrong.

"Hold on," she whispered again, creases of concentration lining her forehead. About an inch of the handle appeared, excruciatingly slowly. It stalled again, catching jarringly on something deep inside, forcing me to cry out in anguish. Anthy flashed me a frantic look.

"Just a few more seconds…" My eyes closed against my will as she kept pulling; I bit my lip to stop from crying out again. I tasted blood. Fires burned on the back of my eyelids.

"I'm sorry," Anthy sounded frustrated now. "Utena, I'm going to have to force it."

"Do it," I somehow gasped, desperate for the ordeal to be over. Anthy grunted with effort and pulled. I moaned, then yelled. A sunburst of light flared so brightly I saw it through my eyelids. With a horrible rasping sound like bone scraping bone, what was left of my heart-sword flew free.

I knew it was gone because the pain subsided immediately. Hesitantly my eyes blinked open. Raising one shaking hand to wipe my sweaty brow I looked at the heart-sword Anthy held. It was broken beyond repair, just one inch of jagged metal attached to the hilt. Useless.

"It's beautiful," whispered Anthy, raising it to eye level. I dragged my eyes away from the sword to meet hers in shock.

"It's broken."

Anthy smiled into my eyes and pressed her lips to the hilt.

"It's even more beautiful than it was," she told me.

"Um," I said, feeling my usual flood of confusion at her strange sayings. "Can it be fixed?" Anthy didn't meet my eyes as she beckoned to ChuChu and handed him the blade (where on earth had he been all this time?! I didn't remember seeing him since before the meeting…) Self-importantly he received it and scurried off.

"No," she told me, and I heard regret (and guilt?) in her subdued voice. But then she smiled and stroked the valley between my breasts, in what was probably meant to be a soothing gesture. "But maybe there's another way."

"Another way?" I echoed shuddering against her touch. Her fingers were surprisingly distracting now the aching had stopped. Or maybe they were like that because of the aching.

"Come on," she told me, rising gracefully and pulling me up to join her. "The others are waiting for us."

I scowled as I followed her. Why couldn't she just answer me like a normal person? If she sensed my irritation she ignored it. We stepped from the van to meet two sets of quizzical eyes.

"We heard screaming," burst out Tsuwabuki.

"It was nothing," murmured Anthy, still holding my hand. I thought about pulling away then sighed in resignation. I didn't want to lose contact with her, even now.

"Oh yes," snarked Nanami, "I'm so sure." She glared at Anthy who didn't seem to notice.

"Let's go," she told me instead, pulling me lightly toward the looming hotel tower. I followed, wondering what Nanami and her minion had been doing loitering outside.

"I'm sick of never knowing anything," I mumbled.

"It's the price you pay," Anthy told me, as we entered the revolving glass doors. "For knowing everything."

"Right," I muttered. "Uhuh." But I followed her meekly.

TBC in Chapter 13: Under the Stars


	13. Under the Stars

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 13: Under the Stars

"I should have thought of it sooner," fretted Anthy from her position pressed against my side. It was after the dinner our bickering party had shared in the hotel's restaurant. Now we were leaning against the low rock wall of the deserted rooftop, thirteen stories above desert sands. Oddly enough the flat roof formed a recreational garden with a pool, surrounded by rose bushes and fernery. Sunbathing lounges and umbrellas were scattered strategically. Since it was night, we were the only two in evidence. It was a relief to be alone with Anthy, away from tensions and games I didn't understand.

I mused to myself that money seemed to be no object to our group. Was it just that Juri was rich (as her apartment had suggested), or were the others helping pay expenses? I didn't know what any of them did for a living…even what Anthy had done to make ends meet while she hunted me down. Obviously I had no money to speak of. Hell, I hadn't even finished high school. I'd been way too busy trying to…my thoughts creaked to a halt.

"Thought of what?" I asked Anthy instead, caught up in the sensation of her body's warmth. A light breeze mingled our long hair backwards in pink and purple streamers. We stared out at the earthy red of wilderness stretching as far as the eye could see. Trillions of stars burned overhead. The moon was rising, unnaturally fat and orange. My usual fear of the open sky seemed distant and muted. I turned to find Anthy watching me, her face very close to mine.

"Your broken sword," she murmured, her breath sweet against my cheek. "That it would be…hurting you. Holding you back."

"Oh," I said watching the way her lips framed her words. My earlier frustration with her was all but forgotten. Or maybe it was muted like my fear of the sky. Something else was overpowering it, demanding my avid attention. Anthy's eyes flickered to my lips, hers curving into a smile. She gazed up into my eyes, turning her body toward mine.

"I should have remembered," she husked.

"I forgot all about it," I told her, barely aware of what I was saying. All I could see was her. Here with me. So close. To my grave disappointment she turned back to gaze out at the view.

"It's probably how he tracked us," she mused. "Probably."

"I suppose," I said, but I couldn't care less. So close and yet so far away. I wanted something, ached for something I'd always wanted without even knowing what it was. Ever a woman of action, I wanted to spring into it now. To do…something. But what? What was it I wanted so badly? The answer eluded me. I stared at the desert unseeingly. Some of Anthy's hair blew against my face. It was so soft. I blinked it out of my eyes and didn't turn away.

"This reminds me of that other night," she told me. I knew exactly the one she meant but was startled she'd bring it up. Another great height, that time a balcony and two desperately uncertain girls sobbing out tears of redemption.

"Why did you jump?" My voice came out throaty. Anthy glanced at me and the corners of our eyes brushed over each other, then rebounded away. She laughed, a strangely sad noise.

"Why did you catch me?"

"I'll always catch you." I'd never been more serious in my life. She sighed and looked away so I couldn't see her profile.

"I know that…now." Her voice was very soft. Almost uncertain. It gave me the incentive I needed to burst into mindless action. It was only when it was like this that I knew what to do, I don't know how exactly.

I grabbed her shoulders and turned her toward me, to search her eyes anxiously with mine.

"Don't ever do it again." She stared at me.

"Of course not."

"No matter how hard it gets. No matter what happens." I was firm. She hesitated.

"What's going to happen?"

"Nothing that we can't make it through." I grasped her hand and kissed the palm. She didn't look away. "Together," I added. Tears filled her eyes. I don't know what mine looked like in that moment; I imagine they were burning with my sincerity.

"T…together," she agreed. I was kissing her palm again when she leaned forward to press her lips next to mine against her own palm. With a whispery touch the corners of our lips brushed each other. I dropped her hand and stared at her. My face was burning…I wasn't sure why. Anthy let her hand fall and just stood there, watching me closely.

"Utena," she said. My heart filled to the bursting.

"Anthy," I replied. Slowly, hesitantly I groped for her hands hanging between us, now folded in her characteristic pose. I held them cradled in my own and we both looked down at my thin white scars and her subtle dark fingers.

"It's like you're always touching me," I whispered, trying to mold into words that which drifted nebulously in my subconscious. "Even when we're far apart."

"Yes," she agreed, and she waited patiently to see what I would do.

"I was only ever truly happy when I was with you," I admitted as I had once before, struggling toward the answer. "And now I'm happy because we've found each other again."

"Yes," she was outwardly calm but I felt her heart pounding through the pulse points of her delicate wrists.

"You're my beloved dearest friend," I whispered. "I don't even know how it happened."

"Neither do I," she whispered back.

"I love you," I said. She nodded. She was smiling that small and annoying smile.

"Yes," she agreed. My eyes widened as I tasted the newness of what that really meant.

"Like this," I faltered, and before I could second-guess myself I leaned forward and pressed my lips softly to hers, our hands clasped between us.

It was the shortest of kisses, like the brush of butterfly wings. Friendly. Sweet. And yet…with nothing chaste about it. Not with the newfound knowledge exploding inside me, filling me up and overflowing into the next logical stage between us.

"Anthy," I gasped, terrified and utterly elated.

"Utena," she smiled. "I've been waiting for you." And she kissed me. One second. Two. Five. Her lips moved softly against mine, but they didn't part. I gasped for breath, causing my lips to open against hers. I gasped again. But she leaned away, kissing my cheek as a parting gift. I leaned after her, and suddenly I couldn't stop myself. My cheeks were red, my body was burning and I found my clarity.

"I want you," I gasped, shocked at myself and causing her eyes to widen and darken. At once I moved my hands to wind through her hair as I crushed our lips together. This time her mouth opened under mine, and our eyes slid shut in tandem. I felt the tip of her tongue against mine and my mind deserted me in the hot wetness that was her. I moaned into her mouth.

Time stopped for me. I didn't know where I was or would go, or where I had been. There was only Anthy, clutched close in my feverish embrace, and Anthy's lips hotly moist beneath my own. The tantalizing scent of roses that I remembered from childhood whirled around me. Anthy had been there in my life's defining moment…she was here now. She was all that had ever been. I'd vowed to become a prince for her, and now my lips were making new promises. This moment, kissing her, losing myself in her...it was the culmination of everything. We were meant to be.

Her arms had wrapped themselves around my waist and we were stumbling backward as we kissed; I don't know who was propelling who. We crashed together onto one of the sun lounges – I took the force of our fall with my back, which I barely registered. Not when Anthy was lying on top of me, hands cupping my flushed cheeks as she kissed me fiercely. Her warm weight pinned me in place and one thigh pressed insistently between my legs. Somehow my body still ached with wanting more of her. The lounge's wooden slats dug into my back and we bumped noses as we pulled back for air, only to immediately start kissing again. I didn't care. It was perfect.

"Utena," she sighed, her lips trailing fire down my neck. I arched helplessly into her kisses, my hands wrapping themselves around her biceps. Her fervent lips made me dizzy in a way I'd never been, never known I could be. I pulled her back up to press my lips to hers again.

"My prince," she whispered against my questing lips, and opened her mouth to mine. I felt myself grow wet.

"Anthy," I gasped back, and it was a prayer. Our tongues slid together. My hands slipped up under her top to trace the delicate lines of her back. One of her hands was at the back of my neck while the other had skimmed down my torso to brush at my breast through my thin shirt. Suddenly getting closer to Anthy was the most important thing in the world. I half sat up, heedless of the dull and distant ache of my sword wound. She rocked back onto her knees and helped me half unbutton and then pull my shirt off and toss it aside. We gazed at each other hungrily.

Her fingers slid under the bottom of my bra, running around my torso just under my breasts. I kissed beside her lips, her chin, her throat as she found the hooks at the back and deftly unclipped it. I felt my breasts spring free at last, and then her head was pushing me back down as her tongue paid homage to my chest. Teasingly it grazed the edge of one turgid nipple.

"Please," I gasped, not knowing exactly what I meant, but meaning it with my entire being. I wove my fingers through her mane of hair and stared at a billion stars shining down on us. They weren't more beautiful than gazing into her wide green eyes. Nothing could be, and I longed to gaze into them again. I writhed beneath her mouth as she continued to tease me, flicking her tongue all around my nipple but never touching it.

"Please," I gasped again, dizzy with the pleasure of having my dearest friend, my Anthy touch me so intimately. A strange feeling was washing up over me, like a storm hovering on the horizon. My blood was humming in my veins, and I felt that I just needed more…if her tongue could just brush my throbbing nipples than it would be…what I needed. More.

"An-thy…" I groaned low in my throat and I felt her giggle against my wet breast. She drew back suddenly to smile down at me. My shaking hands moved of their own accord to steady themselves on her hips. I drowned in her heated gaze.

"So ready," she purred down at me. "But it's too soon."

"No," I panted back, "it's not. It's been so long…"

Her eyes (so rich with ancient knowledge) swam with equally sudden tears. "You're right," she murmured, and she gracefully dipped back down, and oh, now her tongue was swirling over my nipple. I felt like I would come out of my skin. I thought I heard someone gasp, but I couldn't be sure who it was. Running footsteps? No, that must be the pounding of my heart. Anthy's tongue was my world and…wait. Someone was calling me…someone wanted me to…what? What did they want?

"Anthy?" I asked, and her tongue pressed harder. No, it wasn't her. Was it? Who was it? I didn't know and didn't really care. Her lips…so hot, her tongue…so softly firm. The very air hummed around me. It was thick and swarming now, like the moment before a tropical storm would break. I broke out in sweat. I pressed the apex of my legs up against Anthy's thigh desperately, wanting the dam to break. My trembling hands were twined again in her wildly unnatural tresses (were they longer now?). Her teeth nipped at me, lightly, knowingly. My eyes closed involuntarily, and I cried out and arched up desperately, on the edge of…

"Witch!" My eyes snapped open. What the HELL?! My eyes widened in horror as I stared up into the previously peaceful night sky. The stars…the stars were moving. Those billion pinpoints of light, all rushing inward, rushing toward us. Far away, maybe even in another galaxy but falling toward us at more than the speed of light, falling inevitably. I gasped and tensed.

"Witch! Witch! Witch!" shouted the stars in low and growling voices. The humming grew louder. The words were blurring in their intensity. "Witch! Witnce! Wrince! Prince! Prince! Prince!" Anthy's teeth scraped my nipple again, and I shot a terrified glance at her lowered head. Didn't she hear it?

"Anthy!" I cried, meaning for her to stop and look, but she took it as a plea for more. Her thigh moved up to press harder against my core and I felt myself dangerously suspended, shaking desperately, liable to find release at any moment.

The stars fell. The stars shouted. I watched them utterly helpless to do more than arch against Anthy in every place her body touched mine. Cognizant speech deserted me; I was moaning endlessly. The stars were falling. They were coming closer…closer. A wave was building inside of me, and I was peaking…closer…closer…so close now…

The stars were swords. They had fallen close enough that I could see their true nature. My eyes were wide with horror. A million swords of hatred, shining like stars, falling forever. Falling onto us.

"NO!" I screamed, and I finally found the power to move. I exploded into action, pushing Anthy up and off me, rolling us both off the sun lounge and onto the tiled deck. Shielding her desperately with my body, I saw her shocked eyes look past me even as I saw the moment of dawning horror.

"The swords…" she whispered, and started shaking. Her eyes met mine, wide with dismay and a terrible resignation. "Let me up, Utena."

"No," I growled pressing my hands tightly against her shoulders. "Never."

"Utena," she pleaded. Then she was like a wildcat, arching against me frantically, trying to throw me off.

"Stop it," I gritted out. Her hands curled into claws which she scraped over my naked breasts. I cried out but didn't let go. I knew what she was doing, the sacrifice she was trying to make. And I absolutely would. not. accept it. Now or ever. She could fight me all she wanted. I was unmovable stone.

She struggled for long moments more, tugging futilely at my wrists, and even kneeing me in the groin. I yelled and squirmed but didn't move away. Clenching my teeth I summoned up all my willpower and ignored her, although it went against every instinct I had. She was strong, stronger than I knew, but I could be stronger still. Her suddenly cruel hands reached to tear my bandage away. I screamed when she raked the wound, opening it afresh to the chilly night air. But I didn't move. Nothing could make me. Didn't she know that by now?

Her eyes were on the swords over my shoulder and she was screaming now, screaming piteously at what she saw coming. _For me_, I thought. I'd watched her meet her own hellish fate with apathy. It was because the swords were coming for me that she was like this.

"No!" she yelled pounding her fists heedlessly against my chest. "Utena, no! No! NO!" As I waited her words blurred with the words chanted from above:

"Prince! No! Prince! No! Utena! No! Prince! No prince! UTENA NO PRINCE!"

I was gazing into her eyes when they hit.

Time warped for me, turning sluggishly slow. The first sword pierced my chest. It slammed into and out of my heart, lodging itself there half in and out of me. I gasped at the shock of it, watching in disbelief as blood trickled down its length to form a pearl that dripped onto Anthy. She screamed, the swords screamed, a male screamed nearby. I had no breath to scream. Anthy opened her mouth to scream again but I could no longer hear anything over the roaring in my ears.

The second sword eagerly entered the wound Anthy had ripped back open, slipping into my back with relish. My forearms trembled where they held Anthy's shoulders down. The third sword went through my left shoulder so hard that it slammed into the tiles beneath, skewering Anthy in the process. Yet through the spreading haze I could see that it somehow hadn't touched her at all. She lay there, unhurt, staring up at me like a lost little girl. Silent tears ran down her cheeks, and her hands had dropped from my chest to lie uselessly at her sides.

The third and fourth swords penetrated my head and neck simultaneously, slicing into my brain and severing my spinal chord. I collapsed bonelessly onto Anthy, and stopped thinking about anything except for the rain of fiery pain. More swords slammed or slithered into me, depending on their mood, on their variety of hatred. They seemed to enter every exposed portion of my body, dotting my arms, my legs, my back, backside, neck, head, hands and feet: everywhere they could reach. Many of them entered with enough force to crack the tiles and lodge their immovably, pinning me in place. Pinning me to Anthy. There were so many of them. Impaling me. Forcing me to choke on blood and accept destiny. Accept that choice was always limited.

You could run but you couldn't escape, not when you were the one who'd signed up in the first place.

So much pain…so much hatred…I'd never known I could hurt so much, that my mind could scream and writhe and beg for the torment to end, only nobody would come, and it wouldn't, couldn't end. Only, I had, I'd known this before, and then something had happened (right on the edge of my consciousness. What had it been?) and the pain had drifted away like a mist of blood. And I'd been with Anthy again, and it had been paradise, all I'd ever wanted and Anthy… Anthy. I missed Anthy. Where was she? Where was she now? Was she okay? It was getting hard to hold onto the thought of her…my whole world was pain now. There was no room for anything else; I drifted away from any thought at all.

* * *

I drifted back to muzzy awareness. How long had passed? Minutes? Hours? Days, years? How long this time? This lifetime? Where was I? Where was…where was, oh yes, Anthy? Where was Anthy? Oh…that was her soft neck under my dry lips. It was wet with salty tears. Mine? Hers? Carefully I sat up, amazed that I still could.

Anthy lay beneath me, eyes closed, narrow shoulders shaking with the force of her wrenching sobs. I stared down at her beautiful unblemished body. Fearfully I let my eyes creep down my own. I gaped. Completely and confusingly normal. Scratches over my naked breasts, a trickle of blood from the reopened stomach wound, an aching groin, but other than that no injuries to speak of. Not a sword to be seen. Lifting one quivering hand I stared at it in disbelief. I had felt the fingers be chopped off, one by agonizing one. I'd opened blood-fogged eyes to glimpse a star-cluster of swords pierce its palm. But it was unmarred now, apart from the usual tracery of scar tissue. I looked back down.

Anthy was still crying but she had opened her eyes to gaze up at me. Wordlessly I pulled her up into my embrace, and we sat there, clutching each other mindlessly. Her body was cold; mine was feverishly hot. I still ached with my unsatisfied desire for her, my nipples burning where they pressed against her, my core throbbing incessantly. So it was still the same night, that much seemed clear. But there were no swords now. Only us. Yet I wondered, even as I tried to forget within the solace of Anthy's arms. Was that really true?

TBC in Chapter 14: Fallout


	14. Fallout

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 14: Fallout

The room was huge, the bed was huge, and we were lost in it, huddled together in the middle. Anthy was still shaking with reaction. She was draped half over me and I was squeezing her tightly to my chest. Her masses of hair were spread over both the pillows and my torso, with my face buried in it for comfort. There was so much of it sometimes, enough to cover her body without clothing. This was one of those times.

I needed this right now – the scent of her, the closeness of her. She seemed to need it too. We lay in our hotel room where we had dragged ourselves after the swords. We lay in silence for the longest time, completely unmoving except for Anthy's trembling. We lay in darkness and stared at the idea of being together, comparing it to the reality.

Finally she spoke.

"Does it hurt?"

"No."

"Not even a little?"

"No." My voice was hesitant. "I don't feel them at all. Now, I mean."

Silence as we considered that. Anthy eventually broke it.

"She saw us," she whispered into my chest.

"What?!" I gasped. "Who?"

"Nanami-san," she murmured. "Before the swords."

"What?" I gasped again. "W…why didn't you say something?" I flushed so hard my toes curled. "We shouldn't have…ah…not in front of her…"

"I didn't want you to stop," she said petulantly. I didn't know what to say to her. She sounded like a little girl whose favorite toy had been taken away. I hugged her tighter instead of saying anything. Thinking about Nanami seeing us kissing and…touching each other, I felt rather faint. Not Nanami, anyone but Nanami, except for oh, maybe Tsuwabuki. Yes, that would be worse definitely. Or maybe Juri would be worse? Or, oh God, what if it had been Saionji? That would have been so humiliating. Or…

"Stop fretting, Utena," whispered Anthy. "I was scared you would stop."

"Really?" I asked, thrown a curve-ball yet again.

"Well, only a little," she murmured. I flushed again. It had been hard to think up there, to do anything except touch Anthy. It was frustrating to think about because the swords had come before I could, that is before we could…oh that was right, the swords…

I shifted restlessly.

"What is it?" she asked, as her hand slid under my pajama top. I stopped breathing.

"N…nothing," I stammered, "just wondering what we'll say to Nanami-kun."

Anthy lifted herself up on her elbows to lean over me and I saw her eyes were burning.

"Saionji-senpai saw the swords," she said.

"What?!" I yelped, half sitting up. How many sudden revelations did she have? Gently she pushed me back down.

"He ran away," she told me, moving smoothly to straddle my hips. She started unbuttoning my pajama shirt. Startled I gaped up at the mysterious ex-rose bride, this woman I had no idea how to even try and understand. Somehow (look, don't ask me how, I had no idea as always) ChuChu was scurrying over with ointment, which Anthy was dabbing on the marks she'd made on me earlier.

"Well," I said, feeling blood suffuse my face and other regions as she doctored the clawmarks on my breasts. "Well. If I saw the swords I suppose I'd r…run too."

"You did no such thing," she pointed out, as her fingers danced lightly on to swab the reopened sword wound. Her eyes flickered up to blaze into mine. "Although I begged you to."

"You didn't know what you were saying!" I argued, certain on that one point at least. "The swords destroyed you, Anthy! I can't…" my voice choked to a halt. "No, don't ask that of me. I refuse to stand by and let that happen, ever again." It was a vow.

She stared down sorrowfully at the reopened wound, stroking beside it with absent fingers.

"But I'm already broken. You, Utena…" her hungry eyes raked my body as though they were swords themselves. "I don't want that for you."

"It won't happen," I told her solemnly. "Not with you here to help me."

Her eyes widened a little as she took that in. I reached up and wound my fingers though hers as she watched me silently. Stroking them across her knuckles I tried to put all my belief into my gaze. All my love. She gazed back at me for an endless moment, then sighed heavily.

"Someday together," she murmured, in a faintly wondering tone. "Is that it?"

"Yes that's it," I encouraged her. She gave the ointment back to ChuChu.

"Somehow," she told me, even as with deliberate slowness she pulled her nightgown over her head to cast it aside. "I didn't think it would happen quite like this." In one of my moments of keen insight I murmured:

"You didn't think it would happen at all." I stared up at one of the most enticing sights I'd ever seen – Anthy's breasts above me, like the dark sides of twin moons. She gasped although I hadn't even touched her.

"Utena," she sighed, "oh Utena. Please don't change…"

I slid my wanting arms around her waist and pulled her naked body down on top of me. Fervently I kissed her.

"I won't," I promised around kisses. And then as an afterthought, "don't let me."

She was crying now. I kissed her softly and tangled my fingers in her hair. "You will change," she told me quietly as I kissed a line down her neck. The scrapes on my breasts burned where they pressed against her perfect ones. The old sword wound throbbed in time with my thudding heart. "Thorns make a flower change into a rose," Anthy whispered as though it tore her throat to frame the words.

"We'll change together," I whispered back. "Roses grow."

She cried out. I smiled against her collar bone, savoring every noise she made. Realizing I needed easier access I moved to flip us over, then grunted with pain.

"Utena?" Anthy's voice was throaty but the concern came through. "What is it?"

"Nothing," I lied through my teeth, pressing a kiss to her breastbone as one hand traveled to the curve of her breast. I found my plans waylaid however as Anthy's own (surprisingly strong) hand trapped my wrist.

"This hurts you," she said regretfully, "we should stop."

"It's not that bad," I groaned, desire warring with my aching body.

"Utena," she murmured, pressing my trapped hand to her lips. "We have plenty of time."

I sighed with disappointment (and a tiny bit of relief that I wasn't admitting to) and rolled over. Immediately she cuddled up to me, while ChuChu importantly pulled the sheet up and over us.

"Don't you want your nightgown?" I muttered, fighting with grumpiness. In answer she pressed her nudity more firmly to my pajamas. Since my shirt was still unbuttoned I exhaled at the pleasant sensation of smooth skin rubbing against my own.

"Go to sleep," she whispered, pressing a consoling kiss to my cheek.

Sighing again I wrapped an arm around her and closed my eyes.

* * *

It was the next day and our group formed an impromptu gathering in the hotel's foyer. An almost hysterical Nanami had discovered that we couldn't leave.

"Try for yourself," she snarled tearfully from where she had buried herself in Touga's chest. "Go on, if you don't believe me."

Saionji promptly did so, exiting through the front door only to appear walking back through it a moment later.

"What the hell?" he growled, whirling around to stare at the door. "What just happened? Where's management?! They're going to hear about this!"

"See, I told you!" cried Nanami. "We can't leave. The exit leads straight back in. And there's nobody to tell…I looked and looked…we're all alone!"

"It's a trap!" whimpered Tsuwabuki. Wakaba grabbed his hand and patted it soothingly, her own eyes wide with apprehension.

"I can't believe it," I muttered, crossing to the door to see for myself. Sure enough the moment I left I found myself walking back into the hotel, facing the shocked faces of our party. I hadn't turned around, but there it was. The exit was the entrance. Conveniently the reception desk was now unmanned. The guests we'd seen going about their business the night before were conspicuously absent.

"How did this happen?" asked Juri, staring straight at Anthy.

"I don't know," said Anthy slowly. "But it's him."

"Akio-san," I said distantly, wandering over to one of the visitor's chairs and sinking into it gratefully. "He has us."

"He had us all along," bit out Saionji. "We were fools to think otherwise." Suddenly he whirled to point accusingly at me. "He has you, just like he once had the rose bride."

"No," snapped Anthy while the others stared. "It's not like that," she went on, actually glaring up at the man who had once slapped her around indiscriminately.

"So what's it like?" he asked sarcastically, although he took a step back from her. "I saw the swords." He glanced around at the others, searching for support. "Tenjou has the swords! I watched them fall out of the sky and impale her!"

Shocked gasps.

"Utena!" cried Wakaba rushing to my side. "Are you alright?!" She hovered over me anxiously, probing at my body with urgent fingers. I squirmed away. The others were crowding around now, all gawking avidly.

"Does it hurt?" asked Miki, concerned and fascinated at the same time. "On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rank the pain?"

"Why can't we see them?" asked Juri. "We should be able to see them."

"Are you the rose bride now?" asked Touga, sounding as though he was intrigued by the idea.

"We've got to get out of here," moaned Nanami from where her head was still buried in Touga's chest. "I can't believe it but that idiot insect was right. We should have left them to r….rot." Her voice hitched.

"Utena-kun," purred Touga, ignoring his sister. "Who's your master? Who do you belong to?"

"Don't be an idiot," I growled, feeling my palm itch to smack his face. Fortunately for him Wakaba (still poking at me) was in my way.

"She belongs to Himemiya-san!" snapped Nanami, pulling away from her brother. "I saw them, last night, doing horrible…th…things. Th…things that only the r…rose bride does."

"Oh really?" He smirked.

"Anthy!" gasped Saionji, reverting to his old form of addressing her in his complete and utter shock. He sounded appalled.

Juri's hand stilled on her locket, then fell away. She closed her eyes and turned her head away from me. Miki stared between Anthy and I, looking confused; Tsuwabuki looked like a mini Miki. Wakaba stopped poking me and turned very red.

"I'm nobody's master," said Anthy quietly, choosing to look only at me. With a deep breath I launched myself back to my feet and moved to stand beside her. Wrapping a protective arm around her shoulders, I felt her arm slip around my waist as I turned to face the others.

"Anthy and I are…we're together," I told everyone, my voice firm. "And I'm not the rose bride…I mean, at least, I don't think I am. Yes, the swords came for me but I don't feel them now." I shrugged. "Don't ask me why, because I don't know. But listen, it's time we stopped attacking each other and started working together to beat World's End." I took another deep breath. "He's the enemy here. He wants to take away our freedom."

"What freedom?" hissed Saionji. He was glaring at my arm around Anthy, looking very much like he wanted to hit me.

"We're trapped in this hotel," agreed Touga calmly.

"But don't you see?" I asked them, struggling to express what I knew to be true deep inside. "We're not trapped like we were. At Ohtori we were all in our…pain, there was no way forward, no way to grow. But here, now, our choices are ours."

"You've all become adults," said Anthy, great weight behind her words.

"Sure Akio-san has us now, but we can stand up to him!" I cried. "He doesn't really have any of us yet, not in the ways that are important. If we stick together and fight him as a team, we can break out of this shell!"

"He's just desperate," agreed Anthy, her arm tightening around my waist. "He wants to regain what he lost."

"But it's not his!" I said fiercely. I stared around at the others, trying to look each of them in the eyes. "Don't let him steal it."

Silence from the others and tension in the air as everyone stared at each other. Finally Juri spoke slowly.

"She doesn't speak like she's the rose bride."

"She could be lying!" That was Saionji.

"She's standing right here," I muttered.

"It was like that for me when I was the rose bride too," murmured Anthy sotto voice, so softly only I could hear her. I glowered at her perverse sense of humor.

"What she says is correct," argued Miki. "About the situation at Ohtori I mean. We're free from the chairman's cruel games now." He clenched his fists. "We have to stay free. And help free the others."

"All you care about is your twin!" cried Nanami.

"You're only here because of Touga-san," retorted Juri, placing a supportive hand on Miki's shoulder. Nanami flushed to the roots of her hair and looked like she was ready to spring at Juri.

"She is not!" piped up Tsuwabuki loyally.

"I'll help you, Utena." Wakaba bounced over to snuggle up against my free side. "Miki is right. And you need me. I don't know what you'd do without me!"

Gratefully I slipped my free arm around her. "I do need you," I admitted. "You're my best friend."

"Oh Utena!" she cried, bursting into tears and turning to throw her arms around my neck. "I love you too!"

For reply I merely wheezed for air while Anthy surveyed us with amused tolerance. Just what did she think of my relationship with Wakaba anyway? And what did Wakaba think of her? Yet more of these uncharacteristic questions pounding through my brain. Any answers I might have puzzled out were lost in the cacophony of Touga trying to soothe Nanami, and Saionji shouting at Juri. If Akio came now he would win for sure.

* * *

I was heading down the hallway toward the hotel's gym. I figured that while we were trapped we might as well live our lives as best we could. Right now my life involved a lot of stress, and confusing feelings – adrenaline I needed to burn off as much as my injury would allow. Besides I always thought better after sport.

"Psst!" I dropped my sweat towel and whirled to face the tousled blond head popping around the corner.

"Tsuwabuki-kun! What are you doing here? Your room's on the next level isn't it?"

"Please Senpai, there's something I have to tell you. I saw…"

"Are you going to tattletale?" I glared at him. "I don't want to hear it."

"But Utena-senpai, it's important! I saw…"

"No!" Frustration made me sharp. "Don't tell stories about other people. It's not right." Gathering my towel I strode past him briskly and into the elevator. I did my best to ignore his forlorn gaze as the doors slid shut.

The gym was already occupied. A shirtless Saionji struggled to bench-press a bar that looked like it weighed twice as much as he did. Juri was just stepping off the treadmill, mopping one-handed at her forehead. Her injured wrist was strapped tightly to her chest. I thought about telling her off, but I couldn't really talk.

"Utena," she said catching sight of me, "come and spot me?"

"Uh, alright sure." We crossed to the weight bench next to Saionji's grunting form, and I helped her lower a dumbbell one-handed to her chest. Saionji finished a set of repetitions and with a giant wheezing heave set his bar back on its supports.

"Shouldn't you be spotted?" I asked him, forgetting for a moment that he probably hated me right now (which actually wasn't all that different from our usual tense relationship…).

"Ha!" He swung up to a sitting position and pushed his hair back behind his ears. "By who? Touga wouldn't dirty his dainty hands lifting weights. He likes his delicate figure."

"And nobody else could press that weight," noted Juri cooly, for all that she was sweating through her sixth lift. I hovered nearby, hoping she wouldn't overdo it.

"I'm the strongest by far." Saionji tossed his mane back proudly.

"That's why we need you." The words leapt onto my tongue before I could think about it. Obviously startled he glanced over at me through slitted eyes.

"How can I trust you?"

"You trusted Anthy," I pointed out, which I immediately realized was a rather stupid thing to say.

"That was different!" he hissed. "She was my fiancée. She promised to love me and be with me and obey me forever."

"Look how well that turned out," muttered Juri.

"It wasn't her fault," he argued, getting angrier by the second. "She was stolen off me by this filthy cheat."

"Saionji." Juri let me take the dumbbell from her and sat up to level her calm gaze directly at him. "You should never have believed one word that dripped from the rose bride's lips. You only did because you wanted what she promised so much."

He opened his mouth to yell. Then closed it. To my shock he actually seemed to be thinking about what Juri had said. Hunching his shoulders, he looked down and rubbed his sweaty hands on his shorts.

"I wanted eternity." He sighed. "An eternal friendship." His fists clenched. "It doesn't exist."

"And I wanted to disprove the power of miracles." Juri shrugged at him. "The same thing under a different name."

The truth was burning in my throat and it had to be said. My words sprung forth.

"Maybe you just tried with the wrong kind of friends," I told Saionji, slipping down to sit next to him. Stunned at my audacity he just gaped at me. I gazed across at Juri. "And maybe you should let yourself believe in a different miracle."

"Oh I do," she answered wryly, arching an eyebrow meaningfully at me. "I believe that girls can be princes. And that witches can be princesses if the prince wants them to be enough."

"Um," I said. "I guess that sounds right. But your heart is always so closed, Senpai." I blushed at my own bluntness even as the strange feeling of _knowing_ propelled me forward. "You don't say what's in your heart. That's why you don't receive a miracle."

"You're right." She didn't look perturbed by my words or even startled that I'd said them. "But sometimes one person's miracle is not another's." She shrugged. "It might even ruin the perfectly good everyday that was already there."

"Like you and uh," I searched my memory for the name of that violet-haired girl.

"Shiori," she filled in. "Yes like that. And like you and I."

My jaw dropped.

"Oh don't look so surprised, Utena," she said evenly, sounding just a little sad. "You're a lot like Shiori in that way. Cruelly innocent. Unaware of anything but your own feelings and your own way forward."

"I…uh…I, I didn't know, that is, um, ah…"

"I know you love her," she said, uninjured hand reaching for her locket's comfort. "Always her. Only her."

"No, not only her," I contradicted. "You and I, we're friends too, Juri-senpai. That's important to me."

Her hand stilled on the locket. Some of the tension around her eyes eased. "Call me Juri."

I grinned in sheer relief. "Sure."

Saionji was watching us with narrowed eyes. He turned to me.

"And call me Kyouichi. Both of you."

My mouth dropped open. Juri just gave him a small smile.

"If you say so, Kyouichi," she said.

"Alright," I gasped, almost choking as I tried to say his given name. "K…K…Kyouichi then." We all stared at each other in surreal silence, but rather than being awkward the moment felt right. It was like a particularly steep mountain peak had been scaled and sunrise could finally be seen.

Finally Saionji got up to towel himself off. "You're blunt, Utena," he said, buttoning up his shirt. "I like that."

"Uh thanks," I said, as I lay down on the bench so Juri could spot me. "I think."

"It's refreshing after the lies of Ohtori," he said. "People should speak their mind." The pain in his eyes reminded me of the sharp way he looked whenever he was speaking with Touga.

"No more lies," said Juri, as she helped me position my bar. "No more mindgames. That's how we'll beat that bastard."

"I want to keep on loving truth," I murmured, fingers curving around the bar. "We'll beat him together, beat him with the truth." I felt hope stirring within me, still a fragile stem, but one that was finally bearing buds.

TBC in Chapter 15: Not His Sister's Keeper


	15. Not His Sister's Keeper

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 15: Not His Sister's Keeper

I was tired and sweaty when I returned to my room, and all I wanted was a hot shower. Instead I found Tsuwabuki waiting for me, kneeling at the low table with Anthy and drinking tea.

"What's he doing here?" I grumbled, irritated that he had obviously rushed to her behind my back.

"He has something important to tell us," she told me.

"No he doesn't! He just wants to tell tales on somebody. I won't…"

"Stop. Please listen to what he has to say." Anthy's voice was firm. I stumbled to a halt, angry and confused.

"I heard Kiryuu-senpai on the phone," Tsuwabuki blurted into the sudden silence. I opened my mouth again to shut him up, regardless of Anthy's opinion, but he beat me to the punch.

"To the chairman!"

My jaw dropped. I felt myself turn pale. Anthy nodded at me meaningfully but only said gently:

"Sit down, Utena. Before you fall down."

I did, stumbling over to sink to my knees across from our guest.

"Touga-san," I repeated feeling dead. "I can't believe it."

"I couldn't tell Nanami-sama." Tsuwabuki hung his head miserably. "She wouldn't have believed me."

"We understand," said Anthy, but I felt that I didn't. How could have Touga betrayed us like this, betrayed me? Didn't he really mean his resolution in the starlit dueling arena? Didn't he care about his adoring younger sister, or Saionji, his best friend from childhood? About…me?

"What does it mean?" asked Tsuwabuki, gaze switching plaintively from me to Anthy as if we held all the answers.

"It means Touga-san's working for Akio-san," said Anthy, her voice hitching a little on her brother's name. "That he never stopped working for him."

"He worked for World's End?" I repeated stupidly.

"He was his right hand man," she revealed.

"Oh," I said, feeling something crumble inside of me. "I thought he was a prince. One who'd lost his way maybe, but a prince all the same."

"So did I!" cried Tsuwabuki. "He saved his little sister like a prince would. I saw him."

"But he played his games on her too," Anthy murmured in a tone I didn't recognize. "A true prince would never do that."

I stared at her, turning her words over and over in my mind. Why hadn't she told me about Touga's role at Ohtori? What on earth had he done to Nanami? And what else had she neglected to tell me?

Unexpectedly my mind flashed to the worst night of my life. A white couch-back with dark exposed skin rising behind it. Anthy, silent, stripped bare, staring at me with the eyes of a dead thing. They were hopelessly despairing eyes, straight out of my flickering childhood memories. Akio, his broad back turned away from me, no doubt smirking up at his sister. No doubt gleeful over the horrific secret he forced her to reveal alone. That together they deliberately forced me to face.

I was rooted there in frozen shock for what seemed like an eternity. No-one had moved, or even seemed to breathe. I don't think my eyes could have gotten any wider, or that Anthy's answering gaze could have been less responsive. It was a nightmare come to life. It was worse than I thought life could be.

Finally my nerve had shattered. Fleeing from the observatory I had rushed to huddle like a child under my covers, turned away from Anthy's bed. There was no thought, just a steady rush of emotion too terrible to examine, to endure.

It had been a long time (too long, agonizingly long) before I'd heard Anthy's quiet entry. What had she been thinking? (What had they been doing? Why the delay?!) What had she really thought of my grief and rage and misplaced blame?

Slowly I looked up now, to stare into her sad and shadowed face.

"But you're a prince, Utena-senpai!" piped Tsuwabuki, dragging my attention back to him. He gazed up beseechingly. "I'm sorry I told tales, and I know you don't like things like that, but really, I thought it was the right thing to do. You're a prince and you have to know about the wicked plots. Right? Right?"

My head was all foggy with my thoughts; I didn't know what to say. Anthy answered for me.

"Yes, you're right, Utena is a true prince." She reached over to gather up my limp hand. "Thank you for bringing us this important information. Will you keep it secret for now?"

"If Utena-senpai wants me to, then I shall," he declared self-importantly.

"She does," said Anthy, and I managed a weak nod at the squeeze of her hand. They exchanged more words which I didn't listen to.

_What had she thought?_

"I need a shower," I muttered, pulling away from Anthy's hand, from this meaningless conversation and all the things I didn't understand. Without looking back I headed to the bathroom.

My clothes were off in a second. In the stall I pressed my bowed head against the wall and let hot spray beat down. My temples throbbed. Only a short while ago I'd been filled with hope…but it was so hard to keep faith in the face of dark secrets.

Princes who weren't princes.

Brothers who didn't act like brothers.

Fairytales that were horror stories in disguise.

Slim arms slipped round my hips. I started (how long had it been?) as a naked Anthy stepped into the shower, pressing herself to my back.

"Utena," she whispered, her voice rough with tears. Turning into her embrace I pulled her tightly to my chest, leaning us back against the shower wall. She started crying into the hollow of my neck, and I found myself crying silent tears with her, which mingled with the spray.

"I was so angry," I whispered eventually. "I blamed you for stealing my prince from me. It was the first time I thought you really might be a witch."

She met my eyes, her own broken shards of green.

"I am a witch."

I tentatively stroked one hand through her long wet hair as I answered.

"I kn…know." I leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "But you're more than that."

"Am I?" Her eyes almost challenged me now. "Am I really?"

"I was wrong to be angry," I told her, hearing my own voice tremble on the admission. "So incredibly wrong. I should have blamed your brother for stealing your innocence. For using you, for forcing you, for making you his p…pawn. Seen him for the devil he is."

She just stared at me with impossibly wide eyes, looking as if she was holding her breath to hear my words.

"It was easier to blame you, than to face up to the truth." I cleared my throat, my voice cracking even more. "He d…didn't love me. He didn't love anybody." My shaking hands settled on her shoulders. "I was weak." A deep breath. Where had the air gone? Another breath. "I'm sorry."

"You just did what everybody else has always done." She looked down. I gently tilted her head back up.

"It's easier to blame the victim," I said, seeing that very clearly in this moment. "To say it's their fault. And you were the rose bride, the scapegoat for everybody's hate. But that doesn't make it right. It's wrong, Anthy, horribly wrong."

One of her hands fluttered up to cup mine where it now rested on her cheek. Silent tears slipped from her eyes.

"Do you believe me?" I asked.

"I liked it." Her voice was raw. "Some of it, the things Akio-san and I did…the games we played on you all…he said I liked it. S…sometimes I did."

My own tears started up again. "You had no choice," I said. "It was the only choice left to you."

We stared at each other, under this cleansing rain, her eyes disbelieving, mine begging her to trust me. Didn't she see that Akio's words were clever lies, designed to justify his own wickedness? Didn't she see that his reaction to her sacrifice was one of guilt, warping love into hate and a prince into a monster? I saw it. Somehow I saw it all.

"I don't understand why you believe the things you do," she said finally, as she trailed her hands down my chest. "But I see you, Utena. Only you."

We both watched her fingers move to trace the light musculature of my abdomen. My breath was coming faster now. For the first time I really noticed her nakedness, so close and slick with spray. I felt hotter than when I'd first entered the shower all sweaty.

"Good," I said, gasping then unexpectedly giggling. Her feather-touch was ticklish although I don't think she meant it that way. "That's good," I sighed. Her body was beautiful; her closeness was intoxicating.

"You remind me of Dios," she murmured. "Even more than you used to. There's something about you now, a…clarity." Suddenly her eyes widened and she caught mine sharply. "Do you have the power of Dios?"

"What?" I gasped, drawing back from her fingers. "Of course not." I trailed off, thinking about it for the first time. "I mean, I don't think I do. What is it anyway?" Unconsciously I had backed myself into the corner of the shower.

"You won the final duel," she said, ignoring my question. "You changed the face of Ohtori Academy. You revolutionized the world." She was ticking the evidence off on her fingers.

"I didn't revolutionize the world," I argued but she continued relentlessly.

"You survived the swords. Maybe you even…kept them from coming until now. You freed me. You freed the others. You empowered Arisugawa-senpai to stand up to Akio-san. You made him afraid."

I shook my head. "He didn't seem very afraid to me."

"You don't know him like I do."

"No, I guess that's true." She'd stepped toward me and wouldn't look away. Pressed back in the corner I had nowhere else to go. Did she have to stand so very close?

"Do you have it?" Her voice was intense as she actually stood on her tiptoes to peer up at my face. Her eyes searched mine, and I suddenly felt very nervous. I avoided her questioning gaze as best I could.

"Stop it," I muttered, "I don't know."

"You always know more than you think." She just wouldn't let it go, forging on intently. "Look inside your heart, tell me what you see." Her hand moved up to rest between my breasts. "What do you feel inside?"

Her strange words made me hot and uncomfortable. All at once I decided I was tired of the water streaming over us, stifled by the sensations of skin on skin and eyes trying to unravel my soul.

"That's enough." My words were clipped as I pushed past her and stepped from the shower. I felt the prickle of her searching gaze on my shoulderblades, but I ignored it to towel myself off.

"What are you hiding from?" she asked with the gentle persistence that was so very her.

"I'm not hiding." I turned away and went looking for my nightwear. To my consternation I could hear her following me. Glancing over my shoulder I saw she was sitting on the bed (still naked, her long hair dripping on the covers), watching me pull on my underwear.

"Utena." I saw her eyes in the mirror, searching me just like the time (so long ago) she asked me who I really was. Pulling on my pajama bottoms I did my best to ignore her. She sighed. ChuChu was bouncing on one of my feet suddenly, begging me to pick him up. Buttoning up my shirt I ignored him too.

"I'm tired," I muttered into the silence, "I want to go to bed." The only problem was it would be impossible to sleep with Anthy sitting there, and like that. I risked another glance at her. She hadn't moved at all, and was still studying me in the exact way Akio always had (did their eyes have to be so similar?). His too-knowing gaze had always made me blush, and I felt myself turning red under hers.

"Right," I muttered, leaving the bedroom to go and rifle through the mini-bar. Maybe a snack? Food was distracting. ChuChu rushed over in great excitement, leaping onto my reaching hand, his own paws reaching to steal the crisps I wanted. Glaring, I plucked him up by his tail and looked for somewhere safe to confine him.

"I'll take him." It was Anthy, standing right beside me (how did she move so quietly?), unexpectedly dry and dressed in her nightgown (so fast?). I handed her our loudly protesting pet.

"Er, thanks." Throwing myself on the couch I started crunching my crisps. Loudly. Anthy sat down on the other end of the couch and held ChuChu around the waist as he ran in place, trying to reach me. She was watching me still. I just didn't know the way to make her give up on something she wanted. I guess I'd always wanted her to want things, anything, as long as it was on her own. Now that she did want something, and I didn't…what should I do?

"Please Anthy," I muttered. "I'm trying to eat here."

She smiled a little at that, causing me to turn red again and look at my crisp packet.

"Oh really?" she murmured, "is that what you're doing?"

"I don't want to fight," I said tersely.

"Neither do I." She sighed again. I ate my snack. She said nothing more and appeared to be watching the stars out the wall-length glass window. ChuChu squeaked in frustrated rage. I crunched some more and felt guilty. Which was silly, because I had absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. I finished the crisps and stood up.

"Uh, I'll just go get ready for bed," I told Anthy, rubbing the back of my neck. She made a non-committal noise and let ChuChu go. He rushed over to snatch the empty packet off me and shoved his head inside, licking up crumbs desperately.

"Sheesh, he acts like we don't feed him." With that I left them to go to the bathroom and clean my teeth. My stomach grumbled. I didn't really like eating right before bed, but hey, what choice had I had? I brushed energetically. No choice, that's what. Anthy with those big green eyes, and all her irritating questions. Couldn't she just…respect what I wanted? I wanted stuff too. Or I didn't want stuff. At the moment I just wanted to sleep and forget. It was all too much to think about.

Tentatively I poked my head out the bathroom. Nobody to be seen. Padding over to our bedroom I stuck my head around the doorway. Hmm. Anthy under the covers, facing the wall. Well, good, that meant I could go to sleep too. Flicking off the lamp I burrowed under the covers on my side. Immediately Anthy turned to face me.

"Utena," she whispered, and I grunted warily trying to avoid her eyes. "Tell me what you remember," she whispered. "Please. We have to talk about this."

"Do you want me to go and sleep on the couch?" I asked her, seriously considering it. "I already said no."

She reached out a consoling hand toward me but I shifted away. She stared at me, hurt and confused. "Why won't you…"

"…stop it," I whispered, trying not to cry. "Just stop."

Slowly she pulled her hand back. I turned over so I wouldn't have to see the questions in her eyes, and scrunched mine tightly closed.

It took a really long time to fall asleep.

TBC in Chapter 16: Husk


	16. Husk

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 16: Husk

I was dreaming. I knew because I was back at Ohtori Academy, where I spent the majority of my dreams and nightmares. Peering through the glass door of the rose garden shaped like a bird cage, I searched for the rose bride. As always she was watering the roses, her hair pulled up tightly and sunlight reflecting off her glasses. I couldn't see her eyes, and she wore a banally pleasant expression. Tentatively I stepped inside.

"Oi Himemiya! I knew I'd find you here." Easily my dream self fell into old patterns, playing out a scene that had happened a hundred times before, with a hundred slight variations.

"Hello, Utena-sama," she said, turning to smile at me. A small smile, a contained smile, the only kind the rose bride's lips could curve into.

"Almost done?" I asked, wandering around the garden while she turned back to her task. Her watering-can never seemed to run out no matter how many of the brightly colored roses she tended to. It was really strange (like so many things about her, come to think of it…)

"Yes," she said, and put the can down. "I'm finished."

"Don't stop on account of me," I told her feeling faintly alarmed. "You can keep watering 'till you've really finished you know. I'll wait for you."

"…Alright," she said, and picked it up again. I rolled my shoulders back and huffed a sigh of relief. Anthy could be a tricky one. It was hard to get her to do more then just go along with everything she thought I wanted. But I wanted her to be her, to do what she wanted to do. Somehow it had become my greatest goal.

I was distracted from my younger self's musings by the door slamming inwards. An angry Saionji made his grand entrance.

"Tenjou!" he snapped. "This time I'll defeat you." He flung a single black rose at my feet. It had been green I remembered vaguely, not black, or maybe it had been white? Saionji had never been a black rose duelist… While I stared stupidly at the rose Anthy moved to retrieve it. The moment she stood back up he slapped her hard enough to send her flying.

"Let Tenjou pick up after herself," he growled. "You belong to me, not her, just as you promised."

"Bastard!" Rushing to intercept his next blow, I caught the back of his hand in mine with a hiss of pain. His rose signet scored a line in my flesh. The sensation distracted me from his other fist arcing toward my jaw. Taking the full force of the blow I flew back, managing to twist my body into a kind of half roll that helped me avoid slamming into Anthy.

"Utena!" she cried. Rubbing my bruised jaw I sat up and stared at her. Saionji, completely distracted from me turned to stare at her. There was a lengthy pause. "…Sama," she finished lamely.

"Anthy, come with me," ordered Saionji, re-focusing on his mission. Taking her by the arm he practically forced her to her feet.

"Stop that!" I growled, clambering to my own feet to fling myself between them. "She's not some kind of object for you to treat as you please. Can't you get that through your thick head?!"

"The rose bride is mine," he hissed, "and I'll prove it with my blade."

"Like you have the last two times?" This smug new voice belonged to Touga, standing to one side with arms crossed languidly over his snowy uniform jacket. "You're always over-confident, Kyouichi. After all, Utena-kun has proven herself to be quite the duelist."

"Tenjou is a damn cheat," accused the other, turning to glare at his friend. "Her style is all over the place and she only wins because of that stupid apparition that comes down from the castle!"

"The power of Dios," agreed Touga, sounding a little awed. "Such an awesome sight to behold." His bright blue eyes raked my body suggestively where I had inserted myself between Saionji and Anthy. I flushed and glared up at him.

"I don't care what it is," snarled Saionji, "it's cheating."

As he often had, Touga continued to take my side. Knowing what I knew now I found myself studying his beautiful face suspiciously. Had any of it been real? His attraction to me? The smooth lines he dripped?

"How is it cheating?" he now asked calmly. "Isn't that the power we're all hoping to obtain?" His next sentence was said like a mantra. "The power to revolutionize the world."

"That power belongs to Anthy and I! We're the ones who will go to the castle of eternity." Saionji sounded rather desperate. He reached for my shoulder to yank me out of his way. I dug my feet in and refused to budge, prying instead at the vice of his fingers. Touga reached over me to grab Saionji's hand around mine, managing to throw me a meaningful look into the bargain. I flushed again and tugged away from them both…

…and the birdcage spun around us into nothingness. The last thing I saw was Anthy's wide green eyes and then all four of us were standing on the dueling arena. Appropriately we duelists now sported our princely dueling uniforms, with Anthy's bridal gown replacing her school uniform.

Touga and Saionji both dropped my hand at the same time. We three whirled to stare up at the castle sparkling overhead. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Anthy staring at me. I took a step toward her and she quickly looked down.

"That's where I'm going to go!" proclaimed dream-Saionji, apparently not phased by our sudden change of location. "With Anthy." He folded his arms smugly as though it was already settled.

"And how will you get there, old friend?" purred Touga. "For you surely don't have the power of Dios and I don't think you've quite got what it takes…"

"And you do I suppose," ground out Saionji. "You arrogant…"

"Stop it," I shouted. "Nobody has the power of Dios."

"What about Dios?" asked Anthy, stepping suddenly to my side. I looked down at the white rose she was pinning on my chest (like so many times before), noting that she still wouldn't meet my eyes. Weird. Anthy had always looked me head on, albeit with a vaguely distant gaze. Usually she was prone to staring.

"Himemiya," I said, just to get her to look up at me. She did, although her eyes slid off to one side almost immediately. "Who's Dios?" I asked, my past self needing to know as much as my present. "Who is he?"

"Your prince," she said softly, "of course. You know that."

I nodded slowly. I did. "Where is he?" I wondered aloud.

"Up there," said Saionji pointing at the castle.

"He comes down when you need him," pointed out Touga. "Like an angel."

"Like a prince," I mused.

"He's dead," said Anthy.

"What?" I gaped down at her again, thinking her hand had lingered on the rose at my breast for far too long.

"Over there," she said, pointing to the far side of the arena with her unoccupied hand. "That's his grave."

Indeed the mausoleum of Dios was appearing out of the shadows (there were shadows on the arena? Since when?), a giant white stone where his silhouette sat with bowed head and drooping sword. Of course my present self recognized it from the final duel (hadn't it shattered into nothingness? But this was back before…). My past self gawked in amazement. Touga and Saionji both exclaimed and rushed toward it. Anthy took my hand and tugged me along behind. I stared in confusion at the back of her head. She seemed…eager…

"What is it?!" gasped Saionji when we arrived below, craning his head as he ogled. "It's amazing."

"Dios!" Touga sounded exultant. "I can feel its power."

"His power," corrected Anthy giving rise to odd glances in her direction.

"My prince," I muttered, dropping Anthy's hand in favor of stretching mine out toward the grave. "It's him. I've been looking for him for so long…"

"The prince from your childhood?" asked Touga sharply. I glanced at him, surprised at his tone.

"Yes. I've searched for him my entire life."

"For eternity," murmured Saionji, still entranced by the prince looming above.

"Yes. I want to be like him," I added earnestly, not sure exactly why I wanted the others to understand that so badly. "To never lose my nobility." I flushed.

"He's beautiful," decided Saionji with a strange note of bitterness. He'd pulled his eyes away from Dios to glare at Touga. "And he's dead. The power of Dios is dead and gone."

"Don't be an idiot," corrected Touga, still smiling up at Dios. "He comes down from his castle doesn't he? To possess the victor."

"Yes," I murmured as I remembered the sensation of a smiling Dios slipping into my body, filling me with his powerful essence. At the most crucial moment of a fight he would overwhelm me with his righteous fury. The merging was…intoxicating.

"He's a ghost, you fools," hissed back Saionji. "A dead ghost. Obviously. I don't know why I didn't see that before."

"Is that all he is?" asked Anthy reflectively, and she was staring at me again, her eyes burning into my profile. "A powerless ghost?"

I looked at her. She glanced away and I frowned. "He's not just a ghost," I said slowly, but my voice sounded uncertain even to my own ears.

"The power of Dios can revolutionize the world," declared Touga importantly. "World's End says so."

"The power of Dios?" asked Anthy, this time looking at Touga. But I felt like she was really looking at me.

"The power to revolutionize the world," repeated Touga, sounding exactly like a broken record. The urge to kick him rose within me. It was such a party line, pure rhetoric. What did it even mean?

"The power to find eternity," agreed Saionji, but he didn't sound like he believed in it. Rather his voice was mocking as he continued to glare at Touga. "The power to receive a miracle. To find your shining thing. To have your secret heart's darkest desire: your black rose."

"Yes, it can give you anything at all." With shocking suddenness, Dream-Akio popped into being in our midst, a come-hither smirk on his handsome face.

My past self turned to mush in his presence. It had always been that way.

"Akio-san!" I gasped, feeling desire rush through me, hot and heady. Why did Anthy's older brother have such an effect on me? It was almost like he was my long-lost prince…oh wait…he was…

"Akio-san," purred Touga, stroking one hand through his long red hair as he fluttered his eyelashes.

"Oh great," snarled Saionji. His scowl got noticeably darker. In fact, he almost looked like he was ready to kill them both. I stared at the strange sight. Slowly it came to me…Touga was acting around the chairman like he acted around me. He was flirting! My jaw dropped.

"Oh Utena-kun, don't look so surprised," purred that svelte voice that echoed through my schoolgirl fantasies. Akio reached over to tenderly cup my cheek with one powerful hand. "Didn't you know about my…special relationship with Touga-kun?"

"It's purely professional," smirked Touga, stepping up to place his hand at the small of Akio's back. Or was it lower? "Acting Chairman to Student Council President. We don't lie down on the job."

Saionji made a derogatory noise. For a moment his scoffing made sense, but I wanted to believe Akio so badly, and his smiling eyes were passionately pulling me in. They seemed supremely sincere. He was so…male, so…present. I leaned into his touch and sighed.

A sudden intake of air behind me, like a strangled sob. Akio glanced up and over my shoulder. In his verdant eyes I saw the mirror of Anthy's eyes, but hers were filled with pain. I whirled out of his touch, knocking his hand away in the process. Now I faced only her.

"Himemiya!"

She looked at her feet. But it was too late. Awareness came to me in a sudden crash of knowing, as I realized (too slowly) what all the small signs of wrongness added up to.

"Anthy!" I gasped instead, and with that I woke up.

Sitting bolt upright in our bed I gasped for air. I blinked sleep away to stare at Anthy accusingly. This was easy since she was only a hand's-breadth away on her side of the bed, facing me. A vase of smoking incense was cupped on her lap and she sat in the lotus position. ChuChu was perched on her head, but far from reassuring me the blankness of his own staring eyes filled me with dread.

"What the hell?!" I shouted, leaping from the bed and stumbling to the far side of the room where I backed up against the wall. "What are you doing?!"

She simply stared back at me, looking shocked herself.

"You were in my dream!" I accused. "Weren't you." It wasn't a question.

Anthy still said nothing. Sicklysweet-smelling smoke from the incense started me coughing.

"Put that out!" I cried. Biting her lip Anthy did so, covering the smoking tips with her own hand to quench them. This I took in with horror.

"Your hands…what are you doing?!" I yelled again, realizing I was more than upset, I was angry. ChuChu seemed to come to life then, yelping out an eep of protest and fleeing under our pillows.

Anthy finally spoke. "You said to put it out," she said, calmly, deadly. I stared at her, hunting for her intentions on her face, but it was a blank slate.

"You were in my dream," I repeated, forcing myself not to shout with some effort.

"Yes," agreed Anthy. Then nothing.

"Why?!" I cried out, unable to stop my voice from breaking. Anthy looked down at her hands. They were folded around the vase. Silence stretched between us, during which my hands clutched closed and unclosed convulsively as I fought for control. I wanted answers, straight answers. I didn't trust myself to speak again.

Finally Anthy broke the tableau.

"I'll make some tea," she said, rising gracefully to head out the room toward the tiny kitchenette. I stared at her as she crossed past me. Speechlessly I trailed after her. In the main room I stared at her back in abject disbelief as she bent over the stove.

"I don't want tea," I bit out, when I finally found my voice again. "I want answers, damn it, Anthy. I want to know what you were doing in my dream. I want to know now."

"Have some tea, Utena-sama," she repeated stubbornly. _It will calm you down_, echoed her unspoken words. My shoulders stiffened, and I slowly crossed to stand directly behind her. She stood looking down at the still-boiling kettle like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. I moved very close to her but didn't touch her.

"Why Himemiya?" I asked softly, copying her unconscious choice of form. "Why do you want me to drink the tea?" It wasn't for the pleasant ritual that we often shared, suddenly I was sure of it. My instincts were screaming a red alert.

She tensed, but didn't turn. "It's a good time for tea," she tried, but the lie fell flat. I found my hands on her hips before I knew what I was doing. Soothingly I ran them up to lightly encircle her waist.

"I want to keep on hating lies," I told her, and to my sudden shame I realized hot tears were now coursing down my cheeks. "The truth got us this far. We can't let go of it now, Anthy. It will mean letting go of each other."

Slowly, surely her body started to shake as fat tears rolled down her cheeks. Tentatively I tightened my embrace. The kettle was boiling now. I pressed myself to her trembling form and watched over her shoulder as she automatically turned off the stove.

"Why do you want me to drink the tea?" I whispered again.

She hesitated. But I could feel surrender in her shivering form. Slowly she reached into the folds of her silky nightgown (into a pocket I didn't even know existed) and removed a tiny clear flask. She held it where we could both stare at it.

"It looks like water," I murmured, while my stomach did flip flops.

"It is water," she said. A beat. "From the river of Lethe."

"Oh," I said lamely, only knowing that whatever that meant was something bad.

"It's one of the rivers of Hades, the Greek world of the dead," she whispered, and now there was shame in her voice. "Those who drink from Lethe forget everything."

"Forget?" I repeated stupidly. "Everything?"

"This is diluted," she continued softly as though I hadn't spoken. "You'd only forget the last little while."

"The fight," I said, catching on at once. "And that you were in my dream."

"Yes," she murmured. We both stared at the flask. I found myself reaching for it and removing it from her loosely grasping fingers. She let me. I stepped back from her and raised it in front of my eyes, peering at what for all the world looked to be mere water. I didn't know how to feel, how to react.

"It's not the truth," I found myself muttering. "It wouldn't be the truth."

Anthy had turned, tea forgotten to watch me with that unreadable expression. Tears still tracked down her cheeks.

"Did you know," she said calmly, "that Lethe derives from the Greek word for truth? Aletheia, Utena-sama. It means un-forgetfulness and un-concealment."

"Do you have to call me that?" I muttered, not taking my eyes from the flask.

"Utena," she went on, practically talking over me, "means Calyx, which is taken from the Greek word kalyx. It refers to a husk or covering."

"What?" I said, finally lowering the flask to gape at her.

"I don't understand," she whispered. "Who you really are. The truth inside you."

"What?" I repeated, my anger left behind in confusion. "Anthy, listen to me. The truth is us, here now. Together. Facing whatever happens. I thought by now you knew that."

She looked at her feet and took a deep breath. "Facing the truth? Together?"

"Yes, of…" I trailed off, realizing too late she'd trapped me.

"What happened to the power of Dios?" she pressed me, and now she was looking into my eyes, my heart, and stepping forward to clasp my hands and the flask in hers. "That's what I needed to know. What we need to find out. That's why I came into your dream."

"It's my dream!" I retorted hotly, the anger and sense of violation flaring back up. "You should have asked!"

"I know," she admitted, surprising me. I could have sworn she was blushing under her dusky skin. "I…I'm sorry." The tears had started again. Helplessly my anger died all over again and I raised a hand to trace the paths of tears.

"Never do it again," I whispered, my voice shaking. "Not without asking. We're free of his games."

She took my hands and kissed them, her tears soaking them. The flask loosened in my grasp, then slipped to shatter on the floor wetting both our feet. We ignored it. ChuChu squawked and left his pillow hidey hole to race around our feet, tugging pieces of glass away one after the other.

"Don't drink it," Anthy told him. He stuck out his tongue and waved his arms. Ignoring his antics I hugged Anthy fiercely, filled with conflicting emotions: protectiveness, lingering anger, sadness. I was so tired, and even more confused. I'd won an argument I'd never thought I'd have and lost it at the same time.

"Let's go to bed," Anthy whispered, "and try again."

"Do we have to?" I asked as practically holding each other up we stumbled back to our bed. We fell there in a tangle of limbs.

"We don't have a lot of time," she whispered into my neck. "Please Utena. We need to try."

"I know." I sighed gustily, trying to prepare myself to face the fear that blocked all rational thought and action.

"I'm sorry," she said, her blankness completely gone as she clung to me tighter still. "I'm sorry to make you do this, to entangle you in a mess that never belonged to you to start…"

Bending my head to hers I kissed her to put a stop to an apology we both could never seem to stop making. The kiss was fierce and sweet and left us both gasping for air. When it was over she lay quietly in my arms as I kissed her forehead.

"Anthy?" I said tentatively. "What do we do? How do we start?"

TBC in Chapter 17: Revolution


	17. Revolution

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 17: Revolution

We were dreaming. Or rather we sat in a joined trance, cross-legged and facing each other on our bed, eyes closed and hands entwined. I'd seen ChuChu madly waving an incense stick around before my eyes had drifted closed at a few arcane words of Anthy's. Meaningless to me, they had taken us both down a seemingly endless hallway to what she said would be my memories.

"Is this real?" I asked her, turning to where she walked at my side, hand firmly encased in mine.

"Yes," she said softly, "and no." Her next question was rhetorical. "What is real." She studied me with somewhat worried eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked, striding on, so that she had to rush to keep up.

"You're scared," she said softly, "you're hurting my hand, and I'm worried for you."

"Oh," I said, trying to loosen my hand's grip a little, and feeling embarrassed that my fear was so obvious. "Sorry."

Pulling me to a halt she copied my earlier actions, kissing me firmly and before I could react. Her arms twined about my neck and I felt myself sigh against her lips, melting easily against her. Long moments later, she took my hand again and we continued along a horizontal staircase (what the?) covered in swirling fog.

"Better?" she almost purred. I sighed again. She already knew the answer I was sure.

Rounding a corner we found ourselves at the dueling arena, eerie in its emptiness.

"Back here again," I groaned. "I'm sick of this place."

"Why are we here?" she wondered, glancing all around. "Utena?"

"I don't know," I said, shifting my weight nervously. "Maybe because everything bad happened here. Or somewhere like here."

"The projector room," she guessed instantly, no doubt seeing the same wide white couch I saw always on the edge of my mind's eye.

I shrugged and moved into the arena's centre, keeping a sharp look out for duelists, or cars popping up, or mysterious trinkets with symbolic relevance. Nothing and nobody. Glancing up I saw the castle of eternity was whirling through the sky as always, modestly out of reach.

Anthy was watching me closely.

"What happened," she asked me carefully, "after I fell?"

I fell to my knees just at that one memory.

"Utena!" she cried, rushing to kneel in front of me immediately.

"It's nothing," I grunted, gasping from the wave of panic and despair invoked from the phantom pang of her hand slipping out of mine. "Just remembering."

"I was alright," she told me, placing her hands gently on my slumped shoulders. "I fell to my freedom."

"I wish I'd known that," I told her. "Maybe things would have been different."

"Different how?" she asked, gripping my shoulders tighter. "How?"

I shrugged helplessly.

"I don't know, I really don't."

Anthy thought for a moment, biting her lip.

"I think you have to go back," she said at last, regretfully. "Show me what happened. Let's go to the edge."

She pulled me up and over to the broken edge of the long platform that had once led to the coffin behind the rose gate. Had it even been present a moment ago? I didn't remember it. As though I was in a dream, I followed her, content to let her lead in this place that was hard for me just to be in. At the very edge we stopped, our bodies brushing as we peered down.

"Is th…that…blood?" I stooped down to examine the break. Anthy gasped next to me. I looked up to ask what was wrong and straight into the metallic face of the swords, raining down with jangling screams.

It was the duel called Revolution all over again.

Suddenly I was lying draped over the platform's edge, bleeding sluggishly from where the rose bride had stabbed me. Desperately I strained over that same edge, endlessly reaching for a hand that had already slipped from mine.

"I really…couldn't become a prince." My whole life had ended up a lie. "I'm sorry, Himemiya," I choked out, although she was long past hearing me. "Sorry for ending up just a make-believe prince…"

All around me the rubble that had been the castle of eternity rained down. The sky was intensely orange like a storm, then shifting to purple. The air was roaring like a beast. But I only had eyes for the speck (could I even see it anymore?) that had been the rose coffin - Himemiya's final resting place. Her hand, slick with my sweat and blood and tears had slipped. Himemiya had fallen, was gone forever. I'd failed her. I couldn't be her prince because I was selfish, because I had wanted to be a prince for me, because I was only a girl. She was gone. And I would never have the chance to beg for her forgiveness…

I didn't actually see the swords hit. But I felt them. I screamed in terrified anguish as they scissored through the concrete, breaking the platform around me. Sword after sword nailed me to my own concrete coffin, as the edge finally broke off and dropped into the abyss.

I fell. It was only what I deserved for my failure.

More of the million swords whirled around the ball of stone and metal that bore my pain-wracked body. It seemed I didn't have enough body to contain them all, but they kept coming. They kept sliding in wherever they could reach, all greedy for a taste. Hazily I saw the sky spinning below me as pinned into place, I stared out forever over the edge. Helplessly I continued to search for what I couldn't have. But she was gone. Himemiya was gone…

The sky was blue now. Blue and endless, stretching all around. The platform flipped. Now the sky was above me. Or was it? Which way was up? Now beside me. No, under me again. The sky was filled with gleefully growling swords, dancing all around. Rubble from the castle fell with us, like meteors streaking toward impact; only there was never an impact. The impact had already made a crater of my heart.

I fell.

No more Himemiya. No more friends or enemies or duels or prince. Just pain and hatred and brokenness, and cloying bleak despair. It was night now (when had that happened?) and I was falling through stars. My rock tumbled through an 180 degree arc so quickly I saw splatters of my own blood whirl around me. How was it that I could still bleed? Surely all the blood that was in my body had already soaked into this stone to stain it forever. Surely the swords had drunk all there was to drink. Stars were blazing on every side, blurring to my unfocused eyes. The swords were like stars too, twinkling as they fell. The jewels of their hilts winked lewdly at me. I felt sick, if I felt anything at all anymore. What was it like to not be in pain?

I fell.

Day again. Blue sky. Swords. Accusations. I was hated, so hated. I had failed her (who?). I had failed every one of them (who?), and all of their families by extension. Every girl in the world, every princess that hadn't been saved. Each of them had fathers and brothers and uncles and these patriarchs shouted their demands at me. I had no voice to shout back with. I couldn't even moan anymore. The swords called on me to be a prince and when I failed (how could I be a prince like this? How could I be anything?!) they called me a witch. I stopped listening to them. But when they stabbed me they still spoke, and louder than words besides.

I fell.

Had it been long? Hours? Weeks? Years? Maybe even lifetimes? Was I alive? Or dead? Did I care either way? All that existed was the swords. I didn't even remember why they were here. They issued forth the kind of pain that was unendurable. Yet I couldn't do anything about it, except stare at the sky and the swords and weep empty wracking sobs, and cough up blood that never stopped flowing.

I fell.

"What are you doing?"

I opened blood-fogged eyes. I didn't remember closing them. There, a rock. Falling next to mine at exactly the same rate. It's occupant was sword free, dressed in spotless white with not a bloodstain to be seen. He was young, dashingly handsome, and above all, familiar. So kindly he smiled across at me, like he knew me very well. He posed his question again.

"I said, Utena-kun, what are you doing?"

I didn't have the strength, let alone the wits to answer him. Fortunately he seemed to realize this.

"So you took the swords for her, did you?" he murmured, stroking the empty sheath at his slim hip. "I always hoped you would."

I made a pained sound that could have been an enquiry. It was a wonder I could even understand what he was saying. Maybe he was enabling me to push past the pain temporarily. That was as good an explanation as any. Or maybe he spoke directly into my mind. I remembered him now…he was Dios. He was a prince wasn't he? The prince. He must have power.

"So you're the rose bride now, is that it?" he asked me, and he smirked just a little. "You're not wearing the right outfit though. And it was always the prince the swords were meant for. But your prince's uniform is a little worse for wear." He gestured disdainfully toward the bloodstained tatters literally sticking to my body – all that remained of my dueling outfit.

"What are you doing, Utena-kun?" he asked again and suddenly his voice sounded more feminine, and to my enormous shock a form started superimposing itself over his. Long pink hair flowed temporarily over his silvery locks, and big blue eyes peered out of his green. I gasped. It was me! My face flashed on and off over Dios', like a lightbulb that was about to die. Or maybe it was more like a lightbulb trying to flicker into being.

"What are you doing here?" she asked me again, impatiently. "What about Himemiya?"

_Himemiya…_

I tried to speak, to explain that I had no choice but to be here, but the swords wouldn't let me speak. Utena/Dios had no such problem.

"You won the duel called Revolution," they intoned, their voices chiming over each other in time to their alternating faces. "You don't have to stay here."

_Where have you been?_ I wanted to ask Dios then (I had no idea what to make of my other self). _Where, my prince?_ All that came out was a wet cough.

"Anthy's close," murmured Dios, at the same time as Utena said, "Himemiya, I can feel her."

_Where?! _I wanted to cry. Instead I made a choking noise.

"We'll bring her here," they said in unison.

"Utena!" cried the voice I'd been dreaming about hearing since I began to fall. And forgetting. And trying to remember. And dreaming up all over again.

The prince-like apparition faded and in its place knelt Anthy, clinging desperately to the rock falling alongside mine.

"H…Him…mem…" I croaked out incredulously, and with one lithe moment she was on her feet, balancing precariously, and then springing over to land beside me. Another heartbeat and she'd knelt to pull me onto her lap and into her arms. I was helpless to stop her, and equally helpless to hug her back. All my strength and impulse had left long ago. All I could do was lean back weakly against her chest and cough up more blood. I vaguely noticed the swords had faded from visibility in the presence of another. Yet their physical presence remained, stabbing me through and through. If I squinted just right I could still see them. Probably she could see them too.

She was speaking to me, stroking my tangled hair out of my eyes and pleading with me but I couldn't make out her words or their meaning. I heard her exclaim as a hungry sword wiggled into my belly and I writhed against her, but I don't know what she said. But I knew she was what I'd wanted, waited for, fell towards all this time, and that was more than there had been for an eternity.

Slowly I became more aware. Warm hands stroked my cheeks. Achingly familiar green eyes stared desperately into mine. Words faded in and out. "Utena!...to me…get up now…listen!...is how…block them…I did…can too…block the swords…it out…focus on…listen to me….my voice…Utena…you hear me?"

"H…Himem…iya," I managed, causing her to nod eagerly. Her mouth moved again.

"You're…prince, and the…try…now listen…only me…attention…listen…look at…here, Utena, and I…my prince."

Slowly I puzzled out that she wanted me to focus on her, to try and actually hear what she was saying. How could I when the swords were so raucous? There was nothing left to try with; I was tired down to my bones. Yet her eyes were pleading with me, begging me over and over to do this one thing. And I'd been waiting for her forever, so how could I deny her now that she was finally here? Here with me?

I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. I concentrated. Slowly so slowly the swords' voices faded out to a low-level buzz. Little by little I gained further awareness: Anthy's lips on my forehead, Anthy's encouraging words. There was still pain but it was becoming distant, like it was happening to someone else. Someone connected to me but not really me. Tentatively I opened my eyes.

"H…Himemiya," I managed again.

"Utena," she murmured, getting to her knees to help lever me into a proper kneeling position. "You did it."

Part of me wanted to ask what it was I'd done, but most of me had no energy to frame any questions with. Instead I knelt there, and stared at the swords lighting up the night sky as Anthy moved around to kneel in front of me again, her hands on my shoulders.

"Utena," she prompted. "What do you remember?"

The swords were beautiful. I'd never noticed that before, never had a chance to. They were terrible in their whirling beauty. Absorbing.

"Utena!" Anthy's voice was sharp. My eyes snapped to hers. She looked…I don't know how she looked. But it wasn't happy, I knew that.

"Do you know who I am?" she asked, and I did, of course I did, but I just gazed at her vacantly for reply. The swords were still humming on the edge of my nerves, sending ripples of pain right through me. Frankly it was hard to concentrate. To form coherent thought. To act on anything.

"Utena! Do you know who I am?!" Suddenly Anthy's voice was forceful, even commanding. It cut cleanly through the haze.

"Yes," I said, dimly surprised at how flat my voice came out.

"Who?" she ordered. I blinked.

"Himemiya-sam…" I bit back the honorific before I could finish it, horrified at myself. But the dread faded in a second, in less than a second. I stared apathetically at Anthy whose own horror was plain to see.

"I see," she said finally, and her voice was like nails being pried out of a coffin. "Get up."

I did. Part of me mused that I seemed to have no choice in the matter. Another part of me scoffed at the idea. My will was tempered steel, nothing could change that. But somehow I was gazing out at the swords again, not thinking very much at all, while Anthy put her face in her hands and sobbed at my feet.

After an indeterminate period of time she rose, wiping her face clean and squaring her shoulders.

"Utena," she said, her voice firm, "listen to me." My eyes tracked to hers and then to her palms resting on my breastbone. "I thought you'd gone to another world, but I was wrong about which world that was."

I blinked, once again vaguely shocked. Anthy could be wrong?

"You took the swords for me." Her voice broke on the word _swords_. "They're…affecting you now. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I murmured, but it was a more an expected answer than an actual affirmation. Her words sounded foreign, like they were being spoken underwater. But agreeing seemed important. Anthy's shoulders slumped again and she sighed.

"Please listen," she told me, "you're not the rose bride. Yes you took her place…"

I shuddered.

"…but you're also the prince."

The title rang strangely in my head. I found myself nodding. Anthy's hands clutched at the tatters of my jacket as she took in my reaction.

"We've got to get you out of here, Utena. We'll have to work together."

"Yes," I agreed woodenly. She bit her lip. Suddenly her arms were around my waist as she crushed herself to my unresisting chest. Surely all the blood was making her travelling suit (what a pretty shade of pink) all dirty. She didn't seem to care though.

"I've found you," she was murmuring, "it's taken so long to find you."

This didn't seem to require an answer, but I felt dimly happy to be in her arms. Almost relieved. She hugged me harder and I felt myself relax a little into the embrace. I heard her choke down a sob. Her lips pressed against my neck. It felt…nice. Right. I sighed.

"Utena," she whispered, "listen to me. We have to go to the castle."

I looked up. The castle of eternity was a tiny brilliant speck, light-years above. We'd never make it there. If it had been impossible to reach from the dueling arena, it was laughable from a rock crashing into the abyss.

"Utena?" she whispered again. My lips tried to frame the word: _How?_

"Yes," I said instead. Somehow Anthy seemed to understand anyway.

"It's possible," she told me vehemently. "Anything is possible."

"Yes," I said, meaning, _Is that really true?_ She stepped back and stared up into my eyes, no doubt seeing the doubt poorly hidden there. Her eyes were green fire.

"Yes," she said with more passion than I had ever heard in her voice. "Going to the castle is nothing compared to what you did for me." A sudden surge of emotion made me weak at the knees.

"What I did for you?" I repeated faintly.

Her lips curved into a smile: a real smile. I stared at it wonderingly. I kept staring as she lifted my unresisting hands to kiss them with those curving lips. She lowered them to clasp them between us, smiling up into my eyes. Something cracked inside me.

"Don't you know," she told me, "that it's my turn to come to you? I've found you now."

"I've been…waiting," I whispered, just realizing that truth myself.

"If anything is troubling you," she murmured, "tell me about it."

My eyes widened at the powerful rush of that memory. We said the next line together.

"I want to be your friend." I felt tears welling in my eyes to match the tears in hers. I felt my hands find life again and squeeze hers back.

"Himemiya," I gasped, finally able to frame the question I'd been screaming inside since she arrived. "You're free?"

"Yes," she said, "yes, Utena." Her smile was like the sun coming up. New life poured into me, squaring my shoulders and lifting my head.

"The castle," I mused. "We have to go there?" I squinted up at it.

"Yes," she agreed calmly. "The power of Dios is there."

"Oh yeah," I said, "that makes sense, I guess. But how do we get there? It's er, kinda far away."

"You were far away," she reminded me. "I found you. And I was unreachable. You reached for me anyway." Her hands tightened on mine.

I nodded slowly. She was right. There was nothing that we couldn't do, now that we were together.

"Alright," I said, "tell me what to do."

She looked me up and down.

"Maybe a change of clothing," she mused. And then her hands were cupping and spreading in the graceful ritual she always used to dress me for a duel. This time however I found myself wearing a suit of polished ebony armor (complete with scarlet epaulets), with a white rose emblazoned on my breast.

I simply gawked as she went on to move her hands in a new and intricate pattern. She traced the lines of her own body – for a moment she was naked (I always flushed when that happened and hoped she wasn't looking) and then she was fully dressed in a matching suit of blood-red armor (outlined in black) also with a white rose emblem. My jaw dropped all the way open. Where was the gown of the rose bride? Where was my dueling outfit?

"You have a lance!" I gasped out. In point of fact she had two. She was even handing one to me. Automatically I took it, running my hands up its expanse.

"Do you like it?" she asked me, but it was one of her non-questions. I even read in her smug tones that she felt rather pleased with herself. I blinked.

"Sure. It's…shiny. Say, Himemiya, can you dress us in anything at all?"

Her eyes went coy.

"What did you have in mind?"

I turned as red as her armor. While I was spluttering she had turned to make a clearly summoning motion toward something in the distance. When I regained my composure I squinted in that direction. At first I could see nothing. But then there was something, two things, moving toward us at what seemed to be a disturbingly fast rate. My mouth dropped again. Horses, one silvery, one white, festive plumes decorating their scarlet bridles. They were galloping. Through. The. Sky.

"I don't like horseback riding," I mumbled, thinking of the two rides I'd recently taken (or had it been recent?) one downright disastrous, and the other disastrous in a whole different dimension.

"A prince needs a steed," Anthy told me, faintly amused. She mounted the gray with an ease that defied any belief that she was a mere schoolgirl. I scowled. Anthy outdoing me at something physical? That was unexpected. Trying to calculate the force I would need to spring into the saddle, I took a breath and made my best effort. Strangely enough my mounting was flawless. Seated securely in the saddle I gasped, hoisting my lance.

"I told you," said Anthy, as calmly as only she could. "You're a prince."

"Wow," I said, and then our horses were leaping from the godforsaken rock, right into the sky. I clutched the reins in a white-knuckled fist, certain I was about to slide off and die.

"Come on!" called Anthy, and she was leading the way, her stallion galloping up a spiral path of sky that only he could see. My heart was thudding so hard it took me a moment to realize I was riding as effortlessly as I had mounted. Make that flying. It was easy, it was joy. The sensation of galloping, no gliding through the star-spangled sky was…indescribable. I felt a laugh bubbling up as I leaned low over my mount's neck, wanting to catch up to Anthy. Her own exuberant laughter echoed back to me.

I was happy again. We were together.

TBC in Chapter 18: The Power of Dios


	18. The Power of Dios

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 18: The Power of Dios

We had been galloping through the sky for a long time, first one of us taking the lead, than the other. I was ecstatic, buzzing from the high of seeing Anthy in my line of sight, of being able to reach out and touch her armor with my lance. To hear her tinkling laughter at my teasing nudge sent my heart soaring. Had I ever been this happy?

I was so distracted I didn't even notice when we finally reached the castle.

Our horses alighted outside and I followed Anthy's example, sliding from the saddle. Immediately the stallions leapt away, disappearing into the sky.

"Wow," I said, "that was really fun." Anxious not to be apart from Anthy I moved to take her gauntleted hand in mine. She smiled up at me. With a grating of chains the portcullis slowly rose.

"Who's opening it?" I wondered, goggling at what looked like heavy iron rising under its own power.

"ChuChu," revealed Anthy, and sure enough as we passed underneath I saw him tugging furiously at the gears.

"He's too short," I noted, thinking that really, this shouldn't be possible.

"Tell him that." She smirked, while I kept gawking thinking that he was one strong little whatever-he-was. With a peep of excitement he noticed me, and raced over to cling to my boot. Carefully I lifted him up and set him on my shoulder, so he could cling to my neck instead.

"Oh ChuChu, I've missed you," I told him. I could tell from the pawmarks that were leaving tiny bruises on my neck that he had missed me too.

Anthy led our way into the castle of eternity, down a dimly lit hallway cluttered with statutory and candles. Strangely enough all the bejeweled sparkling seemed confined to the outside.

"We're not upside-down," I mused. "That's weird."

Once again Anthy favored me with an amused look:

"Aren't we?"

"Hey, Himemiya," I told her, distracted by the pair of armored suits flanking us. "These knights, their armor looks just like ours." She only smiled in reply and tugged at my hand so that we kept walking.

The hallway was long and filled with wonders. I couldn't study them all like I longed to, what with the rapid pace Anthy kept up. My head constantly whirled from side to side as I tried to take everything in.

Hugely arching candelabras. A marble bust of an angelically beautiful man. Tall silvery vases without any flowers. Painting after oil painting decorating the walls: ancient portraits that made me uneasy.

I hesitated by one where the paint was peeling off, it was so old. It showed a girl in scarlet rags, kneeling before a young man dressed all in white.

"W…what's this?" I asked Anthy, pulling her to a stop.

"It's nothing," she said, tugging firmly at my hand. "Nothing we have time for right now."

"But Himemiya," I murmured back, setting my feet and not moving, "I really think…"

"It happened a long time ago," she told me softly, so softly that I almost couldn't hear. "But believe me, Utena, we don't have time for that right now." And she pulled on my hand with such force that I had to stumble after her.

"Later then," I said to her back, and heard her sigh. I looked back but the girl in the painting was gone…and the man had lifted his head to look straight at me. I gasped and blinked again, but I couldn't see the painting anymore. A trick of the light?

We were moving faster now, so fast that the interior decorating became a blur. Anthy rushed us through the hall, and up a spiral staircase, and through another hall, and up another staircase. I was puffing for breath, and my hand was sweating in Anthy's determined grip. It was strange: I couldn't hear her breathe heavily…wasn't I the fit one? But we were rushing so fast there wasn't time to dwell on it. Yet another hallway, God they were endless. Lots of knickknacks and candlelight and cobwebs. Wasn't there some kind of eternal cleaner?

Then, wow, a treasure trove, and then a storeroom of some kind. Then what seemed like a basement, only hadn't we gone up not down? Was that…chains on the wall? A cage? It seemed like a dungeon, but wait, now we were passing through a series of bedrooms. Luckily I didn't see a kitchen, for we would have lost ChuChu there for sure. I lost track of which way we'd come or where we were going and just focused on keeping up with Anthy.

Finally she stopped and let go of me. I rested my hands on my knees and tried to catch my breath. As soon as I was able to pay attention I saw we were at the threshold of what looked to be the castle's throneroom. I craned my neck and stared all around the massive audience-chamber, all ornately-carved stone pillars and a ceiling further overhead than a cathedral's. From where we stood a long stretch of plush red carpet began, extending to the throne at the room's far end.

"Is this where the power is?" I asked nervously, straightening up. Turning to face me in reply, Anthy's hands slid up my forearms to rest just above my elbows.

"It makes sense," she said, searching my eyes intently. "The power should be where the throne is. In an ordinary castle."

"This isn't an ordinary castle," I muttered, eyeing a pair of unusual statues watching us from the shadows at one wall. They looked Egyptian even to my ignorant eyes – the male was green skinned (jade?), wearing what looked like a Pharaoh's crown with plumes on either side. He held a crook and flail and his feet were wrapped in bandages. The female wore a long sheath dress, and held a lotus flower, with a strange symbol I didn't recognize crowning her head. As I squinted her crown seemed to change, becoming what looked more like the horns of a cow, holding a sun. Maybe I hadn't been looking right? I shuddered.

Anthy's hands tightened on my arms.

"Utena," she said, "try to focus. Do you…feel the power?"

I tore my eyes away from the eerie statues.

"Um," I said, "I don't know, maybe." I closed my eyes and concentrated. Aha! There was something here…something buzzing, no wait that was only the million swords. Still lingering on the edge of my awareness they dived through the sudden gap to slice at me. Startled I cried out.

Anthy slapped me hard.

I stumbled back from her, blinking as I raised a hand to my stinging cheek.

"Sorry," she gasped out, "I couldn't risk…"

"It's alright," I told her immediately, lowering my hand and stepping forward to crush her to my chest. "It's fine." Her arms wrapped themselves tightly around my waist. We stood there for long moments, as I braced myself to try again. This time I kept my eyes open, studying the room over Anthy's shoulder. She held me like an anchor as I focused my attention, searching for some sign that Dios' power was here.

There. Over there. There was something different about the throne itself. It was too far away for me to see clearly, but there was something there. A shining thing, I was almost sure of it.

"The throne," I told Anthy. She turned in my embrace to study it.

"Let's go there," she murmured. ChuChu squeaked agreement. But when she reached back to grab my hand and started to move us forward, I hesitated.

"What is it?" she asked, glancing back.

"I don't know," I muttered, "I don't think it's such a good idea, is all." Anthy turned to stare at me appraisingly. For long moments I shifted restlessly under her too-seeing gaze. ChuChu patted comfortingly at my neck.

"Utena," she said at last, trying again to draw me after her. "It's alright to be scared."

"I'm not scared!" I told her, suddenly furious, but the fear skating down my spine told a different story. I sighed, and took a dragging step after Anthy. "Alright, I'm scared. But there's probably a damn good reason."

"Probably," agreed Anthy, not reassuring me in the slightest. She tugged again. I took another reluctant step.

"Isn't fear meant to be like a warning?" I babbled, humiliated at how sweaty my palms were, and that I couldn't hide my unexplainable dread from Anthy, or even from myself. Instead I felt like a coward: unprincely in the extreme.

Anthy didn't answer me directly.

"Please," she said instead, turning to look at me with soulful eyes. "Come with me now, for us." Her eyes narrowed just a little in what I suddenly thought was a calculating manner.

"For me," she murmured.

I banished the disloyal thought.

"Alright," I agreed, beginning to force my feet to make slow but steady progress down the crimson carpet. Anthy was right of course, we had no choice but to do this. She'd stopped trying to hurry me and had come back to keep pace at my side, one hand nestled supportively at the small of my back. ChuChu was bouncing up and down on my shoulder, emitting small cheeps with each landing. I think it was his way of urging me on. Even with their help it took every shred of courage I possessed to keep moving.

There were more pairs of statues half-hidden in the shadows as we gained on the throne, all from different cultures: Greek, Roman, ones I didn't recognize. They looked like matching gods and goddesses, or princes and princesses. Figures out of myth, and all similar in some disturbing way, while all completely different.

"This is such a creepy place," I muttered, feeling their eyes lingering on us. "I don't like it."

"Almost there," said Anthy encouragingly, although it still seemed far off to me. ChuChu squeaked and bounced. I chanced a glance at the throne (which I had been avoiding looking at directly) and froze in place.

"Oh hell," I mumbled, "what is that?"

The throne was occupied. I couldn't see by whom, because the figure was obscured beneath a tangle of thorny vines. Naturally they were rose vines, blood-red rosebuds sprouting amongst leafy green foliage. Was it another statue?

"Let's find out," said Anthy, pushing lightly on my back. I stumbled forward.

Closer. Closer. My sense of sick dread was growing by the step. ChuChu had transferred himself to Anthy's shoulder, where he was chittering anxiously into her ear. I could see that the figure (whatever it was) was wearing white. Or at least some white. I could only see patches of its clothing, thanks to the concealing vines.

We moved closer. A step. Another step. Another. Sweat trickled down the back of my neck. My world narrowed down to Anthy's hand pressing me forward, and the terrifying something that filled my field of vision. So close now. Only 10 paces from the throne. Light from the torches ensconced on the wall behind the throne glinted off something. I blinked. What had that flash been?

5 paces. I caught a glimpse of something red.

2 paces. Something…pink?

We were there, standing on the bottom throne-step.

Anthy gasped. Me, I was too shocked to even do that. It wasn't a statue beneath the thorns, it was a person. Or what was left of one. The harder I looked the more I saw, until I saw entirely too much.

The person was me.

"Utena!" gasped Anthy, one hand flying to her throat. I swallowed bile.

"Yeah," I agreed. "That's me."

Utena-on-the-throne had her eyes closed (thankfully), and was slumped forward against the restraining vines. Her long pink hair was caught in the thorns, her white prince's uniform was marred by old and new bloodstains. These spread around the thorns that dug cruelly into her flesh at so many points.

"There's something else in there," I muttered, craning my neck as I tried to see better without getting too close to those dangerous thorns. "I can't quite see what it is…" The light was glinting off the mystery object, hurting my eyes. Anthy's hand fell from my back, causing me to look at her. She'd lifted both hands to her mouth, partially stifling her whimper of protest.

"What is it?" I asked desperately, knowing from the tortured look in her eyes that she'd seen what I couldn't yet see. ChuChu had fled into her armor, squashing himself down her neckhole with difficulty.

"What?" I asked again, when she wouldn't, or couldn't reply. I whirled back to my other self. I leaned closer, as close as I could get without touching. Something flashing, something shining. Yes, a shining thing. Finally I saw it for what it was, snaking between the vines.

The sword of Dios.

How well I recognized this particular blade, the one that I'd drawn from Anthy's heart time after time. Associating it with that sensual memory, my first reaction was mild. I actually smiled to see the familiar jewels of its hilt winking at me. Naturally my eyes followed the hilt along, to where it was buried in my alter-ego's stomach. My eyes widened. It entered me at exactly the point where Anthy's stab-wound had exited. One of my hands moved reflexively to the armor over my own scar as I stared.

The sword was pinning me to the throneback, slicing cleanly through gold encrusted stone.

I gasped as I saw it all clearly. The prince…I was the prince. Yet somehow I also wasn't, made helpless by words denying I ever could be.

I couldn't breathe. No wonder I was bound to this throne in a masquerade of my own personal rose coffin. My own belief was impaling me, making it impossible for me to be the prince, just like my foolish beliefs had once driven me to be the prince at all costs. Horrified I reeled back, and straight into Anthy.

"Utena!" she cried, catching me and holding me there so we both stared in dismay at this meant-to-be prince. This close to the terrible truth, I could feel it beginning to affect me. My mind was shutting down. My arms had dropped limply to my sides. I thought that Anthy was shaking me, but I couldn't be sure. I stared at the sword of Dios (the power of Dios was in the sword…of course…it was obvious now), and at the sword sheathed in my vulnerable flesh.

This sword, this power was supposed to live in the prince's bravely wielding grasp. Or maybe it was meant to live in the sheath of the rose bride's heart (no, that had never been right. Had it?). I knew it wasn't meant to impale the prince though, short-circuiting the power to revolutionize a world. Miserably I looked at my feet, unable to keep my eyes on the dreadfully wrong sight. It came to me vaguely that I couldn't actually feel my feet anymore, and then I felt myself slumping forward.

Anthy's arms were wrapped around me as she fought desperately to keep me from toppling straight onto my altar ego's lap. She was yelling into my ear; I was staring into my own eyes which had opened and were staring wildly back, filled with terrible pain.

"Utena!" cried Anthy and other-Utena at the same time.

I slipped.

All at once I was watching the scene from far away, as though I was an observer or a ghost. Utena in Anthy's arms crumpled forward toward her other self…and vanished the instant she touched the thorns. Anthy screamed. Utena's plate armor clanked on the floor around the throne, thoroughly empty. ChuChu squeezed himself back out of Anthy's neckhole and rushed to search the armor, squawking with dismay.

For long aching moments Anthy stood immobile, hands pressed to her mouth as she stared down at my armor. Then slowly she looked up toward the throne. Bound-Utena had closed her eyes again as though she had never opened them. Tentatively Anthy stepped forward. I could see she was thinking hard, considering the situation from every angle. Finally biting her lip in concentration she stretched one hand out, reaching carefully through the thorns to grasp the hilt of the sword.

She whimpered a little as cruel thorns scratched her skin (it was impossible for them not to, they grew so densely packed). But she kept reaching, forcing her hand through until it reached its destination.

"Utena," she whispered, "wake up."

Nothing happened.

Anthy closed her eyes and wrapped her other hand around her wrist for stability, before hauling down on the sword of Dios. The thorns scraped her cruelly but she kept her grasp.

It didn't budge.

Anthy stopped pulling, panting with exertion but refusing to let go of the hilt.

"Utena," she whispered again, bending over me in a gesture I recognized from all the times I'd done it to her. Her next words were slightly hesitant, worded very precisely. "Oh noble memory of the…Power of Dios…now slumbering here."

I blinked. She was changing the words she'd always said, combining the rituals of the sword of Dios, and the sword of nobility. Awed I watched as her eyes closed in total absorption and she hovered over sleeping-Utena's face. The thorns were drawing back just there, as though they sensed and welcomed Anthy's proximity. Her lips were almost brushing my other's own as she completed her mantra.

"I beseech you…appear fully before me." Her voice firmed, gained resolve. An unearthly breeze was building, sweeping her hair back. Light was flickering between her fingers. Her final words came out as a command.

"Grant us the power to revolutionize the world!"

The rosebuds blossomed into full roses in a flurry of scarlet across the thorny vines. A ball of light bloomed around the hilt and Anthy's questing hand, like the birth of a sun.

Utena stirred.

All at once Anthy's arm was moving smoothly backward, pulling the sword (so easily, as though from butter) out of its victim. Silvery light flashed off its tip as it finally slid free. Without changing posture Anthy's wrist flicked, and whirled the sword in a complicated gesture too fast to really see. Then she turned the point back toward sleeping-Utena, to rest over her heart.

As I stared spellbound, her hovering lips finally met Utena's waiting ones, even as her arm effortlessly flowed forward, thrusting the sword directly into Utena's heart. A small nova flared the moment Anthy's hand touched Utena's chest, concealing the sword's final slide into its new home, until it faded to reveal Anthy's hand pressed flat. I stared at the light, at the hand, at the lips pressed sweetly together. I stared at my slowly stirring self.

Utena's eyes flickered open.

* * *

My first solid memory after the last duel is Anthy's voice, calling me forth through jagged points of darkness.

"Utena-sama? Utena-sama, can you hear me?"

I opened my eyes. Blinking away the blurriness I found myself staring up into her vivid green eyes. Was it my imagination, or was her (impossibly) long hair swirling like purple fire about her head? She was leaning over my lips, over my throne. No, my bed. Not a throne, a bed. A hospital bed. Her delicate hand was pressed to my breastbone, directly over my heart. Over my…sword.

"Utena-sama," she whispered. "Can you hear me?"

"Himemiya?" I gasped.

Her smile was like the rising sun.

"Utena," she said and her eyes filled with tears.

I blinked some more, trying to sort through conflicting memories, times, places. One hand of its own volition reached up to wipe at her tears, even as the other reached to pull her down on top of me.

"A…Anthy," I gasped. "What happened? This already…"

"Shhh," she said, and leaned in to kiss me (which had never happened then, I think I would have remembered it if it had!). My eyes slid shut at the sweetest sensation of her lips on mine. Reality whirled confusingly out of being.

* * *

Back in our hotel bedroom we woke simultaneously, discovering that we were lying down wrapped tightly around each other.

"It…it was you," I gasped, clutching her closer.

"It was me…" she agreed faintly, sounding like she didn't believe it herself.

"You found me," I murmured, "you freed me."

"I…I…" For once, for the first time, she was at a loss for words. Slowly I sat up, toying absently at the place where the sword of Dios had entered my heart.

"You didn't remember?"

She blinked up at me. Then blinked again. If it was possible she looked even more surprised as she finally formed her answer.

"No." A pause. "Because…it hadn't happened yet."

"Oh," I said, and then my mind caught up and my jaw dropped. "Huh?!"

Anthy sat up and smiled at me, entwining our hands – clearly having already regained equilibrium. (I'd never known anyone else to have such composure. It wasn't really…natural.)

"It hadn't happened until tonight," she explained. "Until we went into your dreams and searched for the power of Dios."

"That's crazy!" I protested. She shrugged, her sidelong glance clearly saying that it had happened anyway.

"That's impossible!" I protested again. Anthy arched an eyebrow at me, and I flushed. When had the impossible not been happening, ever since I first arrived at Ohtori? A world with a rose bride was hardly a regular world.

But this, this was meant to be the _real_ world. Wasn't it? Yet even rule world rules didn't seem to apply to things like princes, and revolutions, and a brother and sister from beyond…I didn't dare to think too hard about it.

I sank back against the bed-head, turning what had just happened (or had happened long ago) over and over furiously. Anthy favored me with an affectionate look. Another moment and she was cupping my cheek.

"Utena," she murmured tenderly. "Stop fretting."

"I'm not fretting," I muttered, even while I leaned helplessly into her hand.

"Thinking won't help you understand what only feeling can," she intoned. ChuChu chirped agreement. I frowned. Anthy only leaned in to cuddle up against my chest. Running my fingers absently through her hair I thought about her mysterious words. It was true that I hadn't thought very much about the last duel…just charged blindly in…

"So the hospital?" I asked, moments later. "I remember it…wrong? Er the first time, I mean. God, this is confusing."

Her voice was patient. "We only remember it fully now, since it's fully happened."

"Uhuh," I said. We rested a little, curled up together. I tried hard not to think too hard. Five years missing. Five years found. How could I not think about it now that I'd been forced to? It was an impossible task.

"What will we do?" I finally asked her, and my voice shook. "What does it mean? If I have this power, then how do we stop him with it? How do we…"

"We go to sleep." Uncharacteristically she cut me off. Her warm breath tickled my neck. "You need to rest."

"But, I really think that…"

"I'm so tired." She cut me off a second time, but her unexpected words distracted me.

"You are? Oh, well, we should go to…"

"Good night." She kissed the side of my neck and I shivered. I watched her slide down to curl up under the covers, and meekly slid down myself following her example.

"Okay," I mumbled sleepily, suddenly feeling the full weight of bone-weariness crash down on me as the adrenaline wore off. My last waking action was to make sure Anthy was wrapped up tightly in my arms.

TBC in Chapter 19: For Friendship


	19. For Friendship

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 19: For Friendship

I woke before Anthy and just lay there, enjoying the sensation of her body cuddled up to mine. She was warm, and smelled like our cotton sheets mixed with…ChuChu. Wrinkling my nose I realized that was because ChuChu was carked out on my chest, emitting disproportionately loud snores. I didn't want to wake Anthy (or ChuChu for that matter) after what we'd been through. In fact I felt so weary myself that I drifted back to sleep, oddly soothed by the snoring.

* * *

When I woke again I sat up, pulled the sheet back, and just looked at Anthy. I mean I really looked, drinking her in like I hadn't seen her for 5 lonely years. She opened her eyes and gazed back serenely, not surprised at all.

"I don't understand," I told her, eyes lingering on her cheekbones, her eyelashes, her slightly parted lips. "I don't care," I added, and pressed my body to hers, knee between her thighs, our breasts sweetly brushing. My hands on either side of her body held me up so she didn't get crushed, but lowered me enough that she could feel all my burning body. She gasped but didn't say anything, just lifted her hands to frame my face as I lowered my lips to hers. Our kiss was fierce: possessive on my part and filled with her surrender.

I thought about her on that god-forsaken rock clutching me to her, getting blood all over her pretty pink travelling outfit. I remembered her in armor plate the color of her bridal gown, leading the way to and then through the castle of eternity. I thought about her making up a new ritual, and reaching into the thorns to pull out the sword she'd pretty much pushed in herself.

She was the catalyst, and I was the effect. I didn't really understand the first thing about…anything. But I understood one thing with every atom of my being: we were meant to be together. Anthy had saved me. Just like I'd saved her.

"My prince," I whispered against her lips, testing the taste of those words, causing her to gasp and arch under me.

"No," she protested weakly, "I'm not a…"

I cut her off, kissing away her dissent. My knee moved against her center purposefully, and she moaned, sending shudders through me. I found myself flushing as I kissed the corner of her lips, the softness of her cheek, the delicate shell of her ear. Did I even know what to do? God, I'd never been with a woman; I'd barely been with a man. Yet I knew I wanted to be with Anthy…to possess her, to become the world for her.

It didn't matter that I didn't know; it wouldn't stop me figuring it out. I nibbled the curve of her left ear, causing her to giggle and buck slightly beneath me. Glancing over I caught her wondering eyes, which seemed entranced by whatever was burning in mine.

"You're mine," I told her, and it was an arrogant affirmation and a desperate question all in one. Her eyes widened, and her hands twined about my neck. I bent to kiss the pulsepoint at her neck: it was hammering out of control.

"You've never said that before," she whispered. Her voice was trembling. "I always wished you would."

"Everyone else said it," I murmured between kisses, trailing a line of them down her throat. "I wanted you to be free, to be your own."

Yet sudden doubt crept into me. Had it been wrong to say it? Why had I?

Tentatively I licked the hollow at the base of Anthy's neck. She moaned again, a low and husky sound. Her hands entangled in my hair, holding me to her, to that spot. Obligingly I kissed her there again. My fear faded as her head arched back helplessly at the contact. Surely the rose bride did not show her desire. I licked and nibbled and pressed kisses to this newly discovered spot, enjoying how Anthy gasped and tensed against me, then writhed against my knee. It made me dizzy to see her helpless like this…

I gasped and tried to pull away. Immediately her hands trapped my wrists, and her bedroom eyes found me through her thoroughly tousled hair.

"Don't stop," she pleaded, and it was strange to hear her voice fairly ache with need, when she'd always been so self-contained.

My eyes moved to the hollow of her neck again, than flickered away as the sense of power made me hot and guilty all at once.

"I am my own," she insisted, looking oddly frustrated. Once again I wondered how she could read me (most of the time) so very easily. She tugged at my hands (futilely), and sighed when I still didn't follow. "I am my own," she repeated, "and I choose to be yours."

"I'm yours too," I murmured but I hid my eyes from her, feeling shame as I thought of her helplessness beneath me. The memory of her writhing there made me burn, made me pulse inside and out with wanting to make it so again. Yet I didn't, I held myself in check. It wasn't right, it couldn't be right. Anthy had been the rose bride for so long, with everyone taking and being above. She couldn't want that now…

Silence stretched between us, my wrists trapped in her hold as I knelt over her still half-trying to rise, my eyes hidden beneath my bangs. I knew she was thinking, desperately scheming. I knew that much about her now.

"I know," she admitted finally and I darted a glance into her guileless green gaze, so like Akio's in this moment.

"I don't want to hurt you," I burst out, scared suddenly that she would trick me, and this was too important for her to be doing that. She blinked up at me, and I dared to meet her eyes head on. "I don't want to hurt you," I repeated, "I want to protect you. I know other people have…hurt you…"

"That's over now," she said, quietly, firmly.

"Yes," I agreed.

"You want to protect me," she murmured, eyes growing crafty in a way that made me cringe. "But you also want to make me yours. To take me."

I flinched.

"To possess me," she continued relentlessly. "To make me yours, forever, only yours. Princess to your prince. Bride to your victor. Sheath to your sword."

"No," I protested weakly, my arms trembling in her vine-like grip. "No."

"Yes," she whispered, "and it's what I want too."

"What?" My eyes moved to the hollow of her neck, than guiltily tracked back to hers.

"Take me," she purred seductively, her voice curving all around me like smoke. There was magic to her in that moment, magic in her voice and in the heat of her eyes. Everything she said was true. Everything she said was a lie.

"I can't do this," I told her, trying again (unsuccessfully) to draw back. "I want to but…" My voice fairly shook. She still wasn't letting go.

"What?" she pressed, looking a little less seductive and a little more confused.

"This is the way it's always been," I told her, hands clenching convulsively. "For you. Isn't it? It doesn't matter that it's different now, that you really want me, it's too close to before, to what you're used to. I want to, Anthy, believe me, I've never wanted anything more." My voice shook with passion as Anthy blinked up at me, looking very much like she didn't understand.

"But I don't trust myself," I admitted, avoiding looking at her at all now, at any of her temptingly supplicated body (like a goddess on a sacrificial alter. Begging you to take up the knife). "I don't trust…what I want."

"You want me." She said it like it was simple, like there was no question whatsoever. I took a deep breath.

"Yeah, of course I do. But I love you too." Our eyes met and clashed, and slid off our warring viewpoints.

She blinked, and let me go. I scuttled back, moving my knee from between her legs, and perching on the end of the bed. Hesitantly I reached out to touch one of her feet. Slowly I raised my eyes to meet hers, and saw she had her arms crossed and was glaring at me but not with any real heat. Turning red I looked down.

"You're wrong about this," she told me, sounding resigned. "It isn't about right and wrong. It isn't about strong and weak and being the prince."

That was very direct for Anthy. I flushed hotly and tried not to look too apologetic. Who knew, maybe she was right. I only knew that it had felt like something was wrong and I'd always followed my instincts. And that I needed a cold shower.

* * *

After my shower I didn't see Anthy until I found her in the dining room with everyone else. In what felt like a parody of a normal day I sat down next to her and accepted the steaming cup of tea she poured me. We had breakfast: Saionji had fried up eggs that he'd discovered in the kitchen. They were rather good – he was a much better cook than say, Anthy. I studiously avoided looking at Touga…I knew that it would only make me want to leap up and challenge him to a duel. It was easier than I expected since he was distracted by Nanami's constant demands for attention. She seemed more whiny than usual, almost nervous.

Once I glanced over to find Juri watching me not watch Touga. She arched one fine brow at me. Glancing over to catch Anthy's covert head-shake, I shrugged at my friend. Her other eyebrow arched, even higher. Miserably I flushed. Juri opened her mouth (no doubt to fire questions), but fortunately ChuChu raced across the table to dance in her food. Stifling swearwords (not very successfully), Juri was up and trying one-handed to catch him. Anthy was apologizing in her sweetest tones. Saionji was roaring with laughter and then screaming obscenities as ChuChu turned to race across his plate. A disgusted Juri left to search for uncontaminated food as Saionji upset the table in his efforts to trap his arch-enemy.

Needless to say, breakfast was normal. Disturbingly normal.

Shouldn't something be happening?

* * *

That afternoon I sunbaked facedown on the roof in a tiny pink and white striped bikini. Don't ask me where Anthy had found it…she'd been smiling smugly when she handed it over. I'd never worn such a thing before: yet it seemed the thing to do when tanning. I felt weird though, what if someone attacked while I was wearing it? And why hadn't anyone attacked?

The roof had been Anthy's mild suggestion when I'd started pacing with boredom. At first I'd refused, thinking of the last time we were there. But she'd pointed out that we'd be alone, which was incentive enough. And hey, since nothing was happening (why?!), we might as well take advantage of the hotel's facilities. You could only spend so long in the gym.

So I sunbaked, trying to forget my impatience. Nearby Anthy played cards with ChuChu, kneeling by the sunlounge.

"Why haven't we told anyone about Touga-san?" I asked her finally, noting absently that the lime-green sundress she wore suited her very well. I'd wanted to ask her what the holdup was since breakfast, but things were a little awkward between us.

"We're waiting," she told me, and from the corner of my eye I watched her lower her cards a little so that ChuChu could cheat more easily. The crafty little beast always cheated.

"For?" I wondered aloud.

"Akio-san," she told me. "We know he's coming."

"Shouldn't we er…tell the others?" I asked, flipping onto my side so I could see her better. "Juri & Kyouichi should definitely know about Touga-san."

Her eyes flickered toward me at the familiar forms of address. I couldn't tell if she was surprised or not, her face was poker-like courtesy of the card game. Or maybe it was just poker-like.

"And what about Nanami-san?" I fumbled on. "She's his sister! And Wakaba and Miki-kun…"

This time Anthy favored me with an openly curious look.

"Why?"

"Why what?" I wondered, swinging myself up into a seated position.

"Why should we tell them?" she murmured, carefully laying out a card on the pavement between us. "Their likely reactions will not serve us."

"Huh?" I said, staring down at the card. It didn't look like a regular card to me…it showed what was either a beggar or a jester being chased by a dog.

Anthy's voice was patient. "Arisugawa-senpai would confront Touga-san. Saionji-senpai would lose his temper. Nanami-san would become hysterical. Wakaba-san would…overreact. Miki-san would worry, and stop thinking clearly."

I blinked at her in amazement. Her predictions sounded accurate and I hadn't thought of any of that myself.

"How do you know?" I persisted weakly. "Anything could happen really…"

Anthy shrugged. "I know," she claimed, studying a second card in her hand before laying it beside the first. Her eyes flickered to mine and away in an instant. "I know people."

"Did you…" I took a deep breath, uncertain as to why the question burning on my lips disturbed me so. "Uh did you…know what I would do? When Tsuwabuki-kun er…told me?"

Silence. We both looked at the second card for something to do. Two figures fell from a burning tower, which had just been struck by lightning. I shuddered. Anthy's lips pursed. ChuChu stopped playing cards and ambled over to sit on her knee. He studied the cards too as for all the world he understood them.

"No, Utena," Anthy said finally, favoring me with a small smile. "You…surprised me." _Again_, said the soft look in her eyes. I blushed and looked away feeling oddly relieved.

"Oh," I said, "hmm good. Er, I thought you were playing poker?"

"No," she corrected, "Italian Tarocchini."

I blinked.

"But now I'm reading the tarot," she continued calmly.

"The what?" I asked, leaning closer to peer over her shoulder.

Clever fingers selected a card (seemingly at random to me), and smoothly placed it beside the others. We both stared at a spoked wheel, surrounded by four winged beasts.

"Tarot cards can be used to divine answers," Anthy explained, before flashing a sudden smile. "I asked the cards about you."

"When?" I asked, filled with curiosity (I often felt that way around her). Getting up I moved to kneel beside her, our bare thighs touching. She smirked just a little, and setting the deck aside brushed one hand briefly along my cheek. I sighed with relief, realizing she wasn't going to hold the morning against me.

Her voice was playful. "I didn't ask them aloud."

I knew I was blinking at her again, but I couldn't help it. Instead I decided to look at the cards. More for reassurance than anything, I reached for her nearby hand.

"Tell me what they mean?"

Her fingers curled through mine.

"The first card is the past," she said softly. "The fool."

"That doesn't sound good," I muttered. To my surprise she giggled.

"No, it's fine. He represents the childlike search, knowing beyond reason, and appreciation of beauty." Her voice slowed, became thoughtful. "He is standing on the edge of a cliff, about to step off heedlessly into something new."

"Sounds exciting," I decided. Unexpectedly Anthy leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"You would say that," she murmured.

"What's the second card, this burning tower?" I asked, my eyes skittering nervously over the flames. Anthy's hand tightened on mine.

"It's the present," she murmured. "The tower can mean many things, as can all the cards." She sighed. "Here I read it to mean a crisis and a revelation." She turned to look me head on. "Realizing the truth."

"Sounds like last night," I said without thinking, and my mouth dropped open. "Er, is it, do you think?"

"Yes," she said simply, squeezing my hand again. "It fits."

Simultaneously we gazed at the last card.

"Is that…the future then?" I wondered, stretching out my free hand toward it.

"Yes," said Anthy simply.

"And?" I asked.

"It's the wheel of fortune." For the first time she sounded uncertain. "It means…something is about to happen."

"We knew that," I grumbled. Anthy ignored me to explain.

"It could be a turning point. Yet when I ask the cards for our meaning they favor destiny, the superior force of fate."

"Uh…" I didn't know what to say. Put like that, I had absolutely no idea what the cards were supposed to be saying. I glanced sidelong at her, noting that she looked worried. That wasn't good. That wasn't good at all.

"Oh well," I said finally, wanting to cheer her up. "I don't know if I believe in this tarotic stuff anyway."

"Tarot," she corrected me automatically, looking vaguely shocked. Maybe saying something like that was a kind of blasphemy to her.

"We make our own destiny," I stated firmly. Now it was her turn to blink at me.

"We need a plan," I went on, suddenly sure of the right way forward. "And we need the others. We have to tell the others."

Anthy blinked again.

"They have a right to know," I told her, "even if they'll react in a silly way. We'll just talk them out of it, so we can all plan together what we should do. We're in this together."

"In what together?" Juri's clear tones rang through the open air as she and Miki stepped out the elevator and onto the roof. I grinned at her superb timing and waved, pleased to see them.

Beside me Anthy frowned. ChuChu leapt down to gather up the cards which he shoved desperately under Anthy's skirt. Her hand tightened on mine, and I placed my free hand comfortingly on top.

"It's okay," I told her quietly, as Juri and Miki came toward us.

She nodded but her face was carefully blank.

"Trust me," I whispered. Her eyes shifted off to the side for one second, and then fluttered back to mine. She gave an almost imperceptible nod. I can't be blamed for grinning like a fool.

* * *

Clouds skudded across the sky, blocking out the sun. We had retired to sit around a stone-table in one corner of the roof garden. Even I couldn't miss the appreciative looks the newcomers gave my bikini. A poker-faced Anthy had retrieved my old uniform jacket (from where I wondered), and helped me put it on. Now that we were sitting I saw that Juri looked as serious as I had ever seen her. Miki just looked nervous.

"Anthy-san," he began tentatively, "I need your help."

She inclined her head inquiringly.

"I have to see Kozue," he explained, his tone taking on a tinge of desperation. "I kn…know that you have…er, abilities, and I wonder if there is a way you could help me…go to her. I have to see her! I have to know she's alright!"

I gasped. Juri scowled. Anthy looked mildly surprised.

"She's with Akio-san," she told him, as though that should settle it. Miki looked like he was about to cry.

"Yes, I know, but…but, I just have to make sure she's okay. She's my twin. My twin. Please. Please will you help?"

"He can't stop worrying about her," put in Juri, now scowling directly at Anthy. "And since this damnable hotel doesn't have a piano…" She shrugged. "Or a stopwatch…"

A long pause. Feeling sorry for Miki's obvious misery I looked over to beg Anthy with my eyes. She merely looked confused. A pause.

"It isn't wise," she said finally.

Shockingly tears began to run down Miki's cheeks. Juri put her uninjured hand on his shoulder, while simultaneously gazing into the distance so he wouldn't feel embarrassed. I think he was past the point of noticing.

"Screw wise," she muttered furiously. "Either you can help or you can't. Or you won't."

"Anthy," I broke in, "can you help Miki-kun?"

She focused on me, easily brushing off Juri's icy rage.

"It's not safe." And then, "I need to…conserve power."

"Well maybe we could try something er small, and not too dangerous," I tried, feeling awfully sorry for Miki. "Like uh…just look in on Kaoru-san wherever she is."

Anthy blinked at me.

"If he's there," she finally murmured, "he'll see us." I knew she meant Akio. We all knew that. I shivered.

"Please," I said anyway, Miki's tears making my own eyes damp. "I think Miki-kun needs this."

Anthy looked down.

"What if it was me?" I asked her, and she looked up again sharply, and suddenly her heart was in her eyes. In that instant it was clear to me: if it was me Anthy would have already been there.

Juri watched us both, obviously biting back an angry tirade. Anthy blinked again and I saw the beginnings of compassion dawn in the very edges of her expression, as she started to understand. ChuChu suddenly rushed out from under the table to climb sobbing on Miki's lap. It reminded me of the nights back at Ohtori I'd found him weeping in his sleep.

Miki was so surprised he managed to stop crying himself.

"I'll scry for her," said Anthy, and that was that.

* * *

We all peered down into a small stone bowl filled with pool-water, which Anthy had placed at the table's centre. Vague images flickered therein, but when Miki leaned closer Juri pulled him back gently.

"It's just reflections," she told him, suspicion burning bright in the eyes she fixed so intently on Anthy. "Himemiya-san hasn't started yet."

I looked to see if that was true then gasped as I caught a silvery glimpse of metal. Anthy's hand clutching my bicep pulled me back.

"It's just reflections," she repeated Juri's words firmly, though with a slightly different emphasis. I stared at her. She ran her other hand soothingly up and down my arm. Taking a deep breath I nodded, and tried not to look in the bowl. After all, Anthy hadn't done this scrying thing yet. It wasn't time to look.

Letting go of me she carefully folded her palms in a prayer-like gesture, then turned them down and swept them apart. The graceful motions reminded me of when she dressed me for the duels. More clouds scudded across the sky. Tension began to fill the air. Anthy was whispering, some kind of mantra that made my skin crawl with energy and which I couldn't quite hear no matter how close I leaned to her. I only caught the words "Kaoru Kozue" and "aspectus", "visum", and "oraculum".

Then Anthy's hands moved again and the wind blew wildly around us, sweeping my long hair into my eyes so I could no longer see what she was doing. Frantically I brushed at it, wanting to see, and…

"Kozue!" Miki's voice was shaking.

I brushed my bangs aside and stared at the scene. We were standing all of us in a dingy hospital room, between 2 beds. The curtains were pulled aside and it was easy to make out the sleeping occupants. With a glad cry Miki stumbled to his sister's side, and clutched her limp hand in his. At the other bed staring down at Takatsuki Shiori stood Juri, her face a porcelain mask of pain.

I gasped and clutched for Anthy's hand without looking away from Juri. But by the time Anthy's hand was nestled safely in mine Juri's expression was contained again. She looked perfectly composed and in control of the situation. In contrast Miki was bending over his sister and begging her to wake up. I turned my head to gape down at Anthy.

"W…what happened?"

"We're there," she murmured distantly, weakly. And then, "this wasn't mean to happen." Her hand was cold in mine.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, suddenly more concerned by the barely discernable pallor of her cheeks, than by whatever the heck was happening now. She swayed a little and I moved instantly to support her, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind. Sagging back gratefully, her eyelashes fluttered closed.

"Yes," she murmured. "Just need to…rest…a moment."

I bit my lip, unhappy at the vulnerability I suddenly perceived in Anthy, and in the situation. Why the hell hadn't I listened to her reservations?

"Wake up," cried Miki, one hand wrapped in his sister's, on hand stroking at her cheek. "Kozue? Can't you hear me?"

"She's in a coma," Juri told us, not that Miki was listening. She'd moved from Shiori's bed to Kozue's and was examining her chart. "Head trauma apparently."

"And Takatsuki-san?" I asked, holding Anthy tightly.

Juri looked at her feet. "Broken wrist," she noted in almost a monotone. "Left, the same as mine." She looked up harshly. "I'm sick of these damn coincidences."

I gaped at her not sure what to say. It did sound like a rather big coincidence. But I didn't like the way she was now glaring at Anthy.

"We have to get out of here," I told her, wanting to distract her rage, and also wanting to act. "Anthy said earlier that Akio-san would be here."

"Yes," said Juri coldly. "Yes she did."

I glared at her, the insinuation making my skin crawl. But before I could say anything the tension was broken by a weak whisper.

"J…Juri-san?"

"Shiori!" Juri took a few steps toward her friend's bed, as though pulled by an invisible chain.

"Juri-san? What are you doing here?"

"I…" For the first time I saw Juri at a loss for words.

"We're here to rescue you," I said into the glaring silence, aware of a sudden tension in the body I held so closely. Juri's shoulders stiffened, and Miki looked up from his twin, his eyes huge with hope.

"Rescue?" gasped Shiori, her own eyes so wide they seemed to fill her childlike face.

"Yes, I answered, or decided really even as my hands smoothed soothingly at Anthy's hips. "You need to be rescued too."

"What?" mumbled Shiori, actually clutching at Juri's nearby uninjured arm in her shock. "Juri-san? You came…for me?"

Juri stared down at her former friend for long icy moments. I saw her shoulders firm again, and knew she was about to answer cuttingly. I leapt in again before she could.

"Of course," I told Shiori. I turned to Juri. "Can you help her up?" Juri was staring at me, expression unreadable, hands shaking slightly. But there was no time for hesitation now, only time to move.

"Miki-kun, you'll have to carry Kaoru-san," I told him apologetically.

"That's fine," he said eagerly, turning to his friend. "Help me get her on piggy-back?" With something like relief Juri left Shiori's side to help him. Shiori managed to sit up on her own.

"Utena," murmured Anthy, lithely turning in my arms to gaze up at me. "What are you doing?" She was still a little unsteady for all her grace, I could see it in how her lashes brushed her cheeks a moment too long. Once again I smoothed my hands over her hips.

"What needs to be done," I told her gently. She blinked at me.

"They went to him of their own accord," she told me softly, pleadingly. "They're with Akio-san." Her hands lifted to clutch my elbows. "This…isn't wise."

"But it's right." I was passionate, and unsure why, heedless really. "Anthy…we both know your brother only tells lies. Whatever he told them, whatever he promised them to get their cooperation…it's all lies."

"They chose," she repeated weakly.

"They didn't know what they were choosing," I declared.

"Oh really?" Shiori's voice wasn't weak anymore. She was sitting up in bed, with a most disturbing smile on her pretty face. More disturbing than that by far was the pistol she held pointed at Anthy's back.

TBC in Chapter 20: The Way We Were


	20. The Way We Were

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 20: The Way We Were

I stared wide-eyed and open mouthed at Shiori and her pistol (just like the tea house…), being cocked by a hand that didn't shake for all that it was in a cast.

"Damn," swore Juri softly, from where she stood by Miki's side, helping him support his unconscious twin on his back. I gasped again as Kozue's eyes unexpectedly opened, and she winked at me from over Miki's shoulder. I was the only one in the room who could see her face.

Anthy had tensed in my arms although her face remained calm.

"What do you want, Takatsuki-san?" she asked politely, without so much as turning her head.

"Just this," purred Shiori, and without further ado her finger squeezed the trigger.

"NO!" I screamed, exploding into action.

There wasn't time, not the time needed to save Anthy, or to stop a bullet. There wasn't time to do anything but scream and move against all reason in a futile effort to stop the inevitable. To stop fate.

I moved.

With everything I had I moved. I threw Anthy to the floor bodily, the force of my own body knocking her down and covering her up. Reality whirled confusingly, a sickly blend of blurring colors and harsh jangling screams. I tasted blood, and smelled burning steel. White light filled my vision, effectively blinding me. Beneath me I felt Anthy, soft warm Anthy and I held to her like she was the only thing that was real. She was real, with me, the only one who mattered. I held her there; I wouldn't let her go.

Gradually the light faded. I blinked, trying to clear spots from my tearing vision. The acrid smell of metal faded somewhat, drowning in the sudden scent of crushed roses. I wrinkled my nose and lifted my head, glancing all around, trying to make out what was happening and who was where. Beneath me Anthy coughed weakly and stirred; I felt her palms pressed against my chest. I blinked furiously, finally able to make out blurry shapes. Was Anthy…lying in rose petals? Were we? Where were the others…I couldn't see them anywhere.

Warily I pushed myself up with my forearms, then staggered up onto my knees. Nope. Nobody in sight. Where was Shiori? Desperately I looked all around. I didn't understand what I saw, mostly because it was impossible. The hospital room, gone. The others, non-existent. Instead I saw what appeared to my untrained eye to be a platform of a billion roses, suspended in a sunny blue sky. A…garden. Relieved and flabbergasted I sank back on my heels.

Anthy took the opportunity to sit up in one graceful motion. She appeared just as shocked as I was, also gazing around in awe. I watched dumbly as she plucked a nearby rose and held it aloft, studying it carefully. Thoughtfully she lowered her head to breathe its scent. Just as thoughtfully she offered it to me.

I took it automatically, and then smelled it too, because really, what else did one do in a bizarre scenario like this? It smelled like Anthy. Roses always smelled like Anthy to me now.

"Amazing," she was saying, studying me and not the rose. "How?"

I stared at her. There was nothing to say. I didn't know how…I didn't even know what. She seemed to take my silence as the answer it was, because she nodded slowly. Then she cocked her head and patted the ground next to her. Perhaps sensing my jarring sense of displacement she didn't reach for me. Carefully she watched me, and waited for me to act on my own.

After a pause I did. Scooting over to sit by Anthy (in the crushed rose petals), I reasoned that being close to her was always better anyway. Her hand was turned up, resting on her knee: waiting for mine when I was ready. I took a steadying breath, noting that I didn't feel too good. My hands were clammy, and I could still taste blood. Swallowing against the bitter tang I wiped my damp hand on my jacket. For the first time I noticed it was white, tasseled in gold and jewels. My clothes were that of the prince. I wasn't surprised, nothing could surprise me right now. Gratefully I gathered up Anthy's waiting hand.

"Where are we?" I asked, knowing implicitly that she would know that at least.

"Another Ohtori Academy," she answered just as calmly. "This is the rose garden."

"Oh," I said, gazing blankly at the carpet of roses which seemed to be blurring into a sea of blood, no doubt due to my fogging vision. Or maybe that's what it really was. Maybe that was why I didn't like roses, no matter how much Anthy did. "It's not a bird cage," I murmured absently.

"No it's not," agreed Anthy. "It was different here."

"But kinda the same," I guessed, even as I wondered what on earth she could be talking about.

"Yes," she said. Her hand squeezed mine slightly and her voice became distant. "You were…different. Hurting."

At that I turned my head to gaze at her. The wind picked up and her hair cascaded back from her face in a beautiful wave. Rose petals whirled around her profile. I reached over with my free hand and pushed a stray strand behind her ear. She regarded me solemnly, a hint of a smile playing on her lips.

"I was?" I said, still not knowing what the hell she was talking about. But I wasn't upset, or disturbed, or confused. Those things took energy, and all that mattered was that we were safe and together. Somehow.

"Yes," she whispered, "but I…I don't really remember it. Or I only remember it now while we're here again. A little."

"Like a dream," I agreed, thinking that it was true I'd seen this all before, sat in this very spot with my head pressed to her soft lap. It had been night, hadn't it? Yes, a starry night. Simultaneously I'd never been here; we weren't even here right now. We were…where were we?

"You stepped between worlds," she said, as though she knew what I was thinking. "I think you're also the reason we went to the hospital, instead of just looking in."

"Hmm," I murmured because I had the strangest feeling she was right, even though I didn't know myself how I'd done any such thing. "The power of Dios?" I guessed a second later. Her hand tightened on mine.

"The power of Utena," she decided, and then she actually grinned. I smiled back automatically, such was the power of a true smile on her face. They were still rare enough that each one seemed a miracle. My insides warmed and I began to feel better.

"It's hardly a power if you have no clue how to use it," I mock-grumbled, getting to my feet and hauling her up too. She actually laughed.

"I'll tell you a secret. Dios wasn't all that sure either. But he liked to act sure."

I stared down at her thinking that she'd never actually talked about her brother with me. Everything I knew about Dios was gleaned from Akio's whispers in my ear, and memories wrapped in dreams. She was smiling now as we clasped hands, looking over the edge of the garden and into the sky. This was a good memory, I could tell. Well, she'd loved her big brother, right? She'd sacrificed everything for him, including her own self. He must have been…remarkable. It made sense. He was the prince, my prince even.

Her eyes flickered back to mine and she stepped into me, moving our hands so mine were on my hips with hers over them, pressing them in place.

"I think I like uncertainty better," she mused aloud.

I attempted a weak smile. "I can do that."

She fairly beamed at me. I didn't understand why she was suddenly ecstatic, but it made me happy too.

"How do you feel?" I asked her, allowing her to keep my hands where she'd chosen, wanting her to be in control when she wanted to be. "Are you okay?"

Her smile faded and she regarded me softly, seriously.

"I'm weak," she admitted. "He was right about my…power."

I didn't have to ask who _he_ was.

"Where can we get you more power?" I asked instead, thinking that it would be a very good idea indeed. With what we'd left behind at the hospital, and Akio looming on the horizon, we needed something up our sleeves. From the way Anthy's eyes grew huge and her hands stilled on mine I realized she hadn't considered it in quite that way herself.

"I…" her eyes turned down. "I don't know."

She did know, or else she had a suspicion. I figured this out instantly, from the uncertain set of her shoulders, and the hesitation in her voice. Taking my time I thought about it, trying to work out why she was evading. Akio had said she got her power from being the rose bride, right? That she was running out by using it up in magical attacks and defenses, and that soon there wouldn't be any left…

If she got her power from being the rose bride, then it had to be connected to the power of Dios. We now knew the power rested in his sword, or was at least symbolized by it in some mysterious fashion. Anthy as the rose bride had been the sheath of that sword, its catalyst and carrier.

She was no longer the sheath though. Now that sword was housed in my heart.

But I wasn't the rose bride (was I? But what about the million swords of hatred?!), I was the prince. So really the sword should be in my hand (shouldn't it?). Hadn't Anthy had any power when she was only Dios' little sister, the only girl in all the world that the prince couldn't save? The girl who had no choice but to become a witch (he had said), because she couldn't be a princess (why not?).

My head hurt.

Anthy was looking up again, and studying my expression closely. I realized I never did this, never mused silently on what was going on or what to say. I just acted. Anthy obviously didn't know what to make of my newfound reticence. Neither did I. I guess what had happened to me would be enough to change anyone.

"Anthy," I said slowly, before the worry in her eyes could bloom into panic, "can you draw my sword?" Her hands slipped away from mine as her eyes widened.

"Why?" she asked unhappily, and I thought very uncharacteristically.

"Can I?" I asked instead.

Her mouth formed a small o.

"I…I don't know."

"Please draw it for me," I asked again. "I want to try something."

"Try what?" she queried, hands twisting in front of her.

"It's okay," I told her cupping her cheeks very gently. We were close already, it was easy to lean forward and press kisses to her forehead, her nose, her chin. "We'll work it out together." I pressed my lips to hers. A moment of hesitation and then her mouth opened to mine, and I felt her relax a little.

A moment of warmth, of wetness and I felt her hands unclenching from each other where they were now pressed between us. As her tongue moved against mine I felt her hands creep up my stomach, and come to rest over my chest. Over my heart. She kissed me passionately then, fiercely. I moaned into the kiss and her hands pressed firmly over my heartsword's resting place.

Light blazed in my peripheral vision. There was pleasure entwined with pain, a sharp tugging sensation. The sword wanted, no _needed_ to come out; if it came out I would feel a tremendous release, a rightness. It was time, the sword was needed. I arched helplessly underneath Anthy's questing hands. Her lips drank in my fading kiss, my gasp of reaction. With a graceful motion she drew forth the sword. I stumbled back, and would have fallen if Anthy hadn't grabbed my hand, then my waist, holding me up and against her warm body.

I trembled in reaction. Anthy's lips pressed against my neck, and my eyes drifted shut at the sensation. The sword of Dios hung pointed down, held carefully in her left hand.

"Utena," she murmured against my collarbone, pressing the hilt into my nearby hand. My eyes opened as my hand closed over it. Power and purpose rushed into me, heady and distracting. I no longer felt weak: I felt strong. Raising the sword I kissed the jeweled hilt, noting that my eyes reflected in the gems like gemstones themselves, piercing blue and ready for anything. They were the color of the summer sky, of possibility.

"My prince," murmured Anthy, awed and sad all at the same time. I turned to her, noting the way she was watching me watch the blade, and began to wonder what that evoked for her. I was more than just Utena to her now (I finally realized). I was the culmination of a long and painful history, the ending of a nightmarish fairytale, or the beginning of a myth into perpetuity. I wasn't just Utena, I was Dios' second incarnation, or I was Akio's fall (quite literally). But she was always Anthy. Always bound to the prince.

It made me sick.

With a stammered curse I threw the sword at my feet, into the bed of roses. Anthy cried out in sheer reaction. I stared at the sword and she stared at me.

"I'm just Utena," I muttered, not looking at her, looking very hard at the metal under the red. "I'm not meant to know any of that, it's not meant for me. It's not me to think about that stuff, you know it's not like me."

"Um," she said, and it was the first time I'd ever heard her say that. Shocked I glanced up into her equally shocked face.

"W…why," she cleared her throat and started again. I saw that her hands were knotted in the material of her sundress. "Why did you do that?"

I blinked, seeing that she had absolutely no clue as to why I was acting the way I was. Well, I barely knew myself.

"I…I don't want to be a prince," I told her, struggling for the answer, looking at her hands then her lips then her searching gaze. She gasped, a tiny shaky sound. But I stumbled on.

"I mean, I don't want to be the prince if I have to be the prince…he was. If that's…the only way to be the prince. You know?"

"Um," she looked down at the partially hidden sword and then up at me. "B…but…what other way…to be the prince…is there?"

I stared at her, my eyes begging her to understand what I didn't really understand myself.

"I don't know," I admitted, "I want to keep my nobility, and I want to…help people, but I do know I don't want to go around saving everyone until someone has to save me. The pr…price might be too high to pay. And I don't want to be Dios! I'm not him, don't you see that, Anthy? I'm me, whatever that means, whatever that turns out to be. Don't you see?"

She blinked once, twice. Her eyes were on mine again and they were filled with sudden tears.

"I…yes. Yes, I see."

I opened my arms, and she came, no rushed into them willingly. We clung together, drowning in this field of roses, in each other. I knew she was crying but I wasn't.

"Anthy," I whispered, "the sword holds the power, and I want you to take that for your magic. Do you…know how?"

"I…" she sniffled into my white jacket before drawing back hesitantly. "I think so, yes. But the power is not in the sword."

"It's not?" I was shocked.

Anthy wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me down for her fervent kiss. I went willingly. When our lips drifted apart she regarded me with an expression I didn't recognize but that made me shiver all over.

"It's your heart," she said, "my prince. And you truly are a prince."

"Anthy, I told you…"

"_The_ prince," she corrected with such certainty that I trailed off uncertainly. "So with your help I'll borrow power from the sword. Your sword."

"Uh yeah," I said, hooking my fingers into the white princely pants of this new uniform, watching as she bent to retrieve the sword. I was still uncertain but Anthy was leading the way now. She came back to me bearing the sword, lifting one hand to wipe blood from the corner of my lips. She peered up at me gravely.

"Are you okay?" It was an echo of my earlier question.

"I think so," I told her, "just weak y'know, and hmm a little out of it. I…I really don't know how I did any of that."

"The power is…new to you," she said slipping the sword back into my hand. As though it was the most natural thing in the world my fingers curled around the hilt. Her head tipped to one side as she regarded me with sudden concern. "And besides you're…different to Dios and I."

"Different?" I murmured, raising the sword and sighting along its narrow blade.

She looked stricken suddenly, in a way that I couldn't understand. As though she'd just thought of something horrible, something she'd been trying not to think about for a very long time. She stopped talking and looked down. For once I let her evade. I had the strangest feeling that this was something I couldn't fix, something that should be avoided at all costs.

"Close your eyes," I told her instead, "I'm going to give you back the sword."

Startled her eyes flickered up to mine. Then with perfect trust she closed them and waited. I bit my lip in concentration. It was a sudden inspiration; I didn't know if it would work. But Anthy's power had come from her role as rose bride, and if she wasn't that anymore, well she had been for who knew how long, and was a witch besides (whatever that meant). Maybe there was a way to trick the power. To…share it.

I didn't know Anthy's incantations, there was really no ritual I could say. Instead I carefully placed the tip of my sword at her heart and whispered to nothing in particular, maybe even to myself:

"Please."

I closed my eyes and concentrated. The sword. I wanted Anthy to have the sword. She needed it. I wanted her to have it, to be made strong again. Was it my imagination or were my hands growing warm? Slipping an eye open I was delighted to see the familiar glow of power building around the sword hilt. Made confident I slid the sword down, just a little, not wanting to cut Anthy.

I needn't have worried: the blade slid into her flesh like there was no barrier. In one smooth motion the sword of Dios was buried back in Anthy, where it had been housed for longer than I liked to think. The light faded and I leaned forward to kiss the spot at her breast where the hilt had disappeared.

I felt Anthy's hands cradling my head to her chest, Anthy's lips pressing against my hair. I sighed against her skin. As I straightened her arms slid around my waist. She held me tightly.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to," I said as I smoothed my hands down her back. "This power…it should be shared, Anthy. For all sorts of reasons."

"Yes," she said wonderingly, "I suppose you're right."

"How do you feel?" I asked anxiously, stepping back to look her over. "Better?"

"It will take awhile to recharge," she revealed, but I thought she did look better. Her skin had lost its almost imperceptible pallor.

"Like a battery?" I grinned at the image.

She arched an eyebrow at me.

"You know I've never done this," she told me in faintly chagrining tones. "To bear this sword without…bearing the million swords…it's unheard of."

"But surely Dios…"

"He was the prince." She cut me off. "The sword was his. For me to hold it now without holding it for him…and without the curse that trapped the power…it's like…" Her eyes darkened. "Blasphemy."

"If the sword is my heart like you say," I told her just a little craftily, "then it's already yours anyway." I stuck out my tongue. She stared, then slowly smiled. It felt better than winning any duel.

* * *

Reality whirled confusingly again as I focused on the hospital. Anthy had reassured me that the passage of time was different between realities (which made a strange kind of sense), trying to calm me when in panic I remembered the probable fate of my friends.

Holding her hand I found enough connection to the power to step back into the apparently real world. Don't ask me how I did it. I don't think I could do it on demand…it was more picturing Miki's terror and Juri's cold acceptance of Shiori's betrayal that made it possible.

Once there I stumbled to my knees while Anthy moved to pick up the only thing of interest in the empty room: a note left on Shiori's hospital bed.

"He has them," she told me, choosing to crumple the note rather than read out the contents. Normally I would have questioned her, but my head hurt too much. Instead I waited as she moved back to my side and helped me to my feet. "They're back at the hotel," she added.

"It was a trap," I muttered, tasting blood again. "Damn it. I brought us into a trap."

Anthy didn't deny this, but she did run a soothing hand down my cheek.

"Are you able to take us there?" She peered over my shoulder at the bullet wedged in the plasterboard behind us.

"Yes," I said thickly. Her fingers moved to brush new blood from my lips and I felt the weight of her concern. "No choice," I added, biting back the urge to cough and trying to straighten up a little more. "Geez, if I have the power, why the hell is this so hard?"

Anthy was silent, and I was pretty sure it wasn't because she didn't know the answer. She shifted a little to hold me up better, and placing my arms on her shoulders for balance I closed my eyes and thought about the hotel. It was even harder this time, only the second time I'd made the attempt consciously. I found again that it helped to think about Juri, and the way her hands had trembled as she looked at Shiori in a hospital bed. It helped to think of Miki crying because he needed to find his twin. But it was hard to concentrate properly…I kept thinking about how I'd ignored both Anthy's and Juri's protests and insisted on rescuing Akio's henchwomen. I was such a fool…

When the lobby finally did whirl into being around us, I was dizzy and sick to my stomach.

"He'll be on the roof," murmured Anthy, as she helped me, indeed half-carried me to the elevator. Her hands were cool against my over-heated skin. "He likes vantage points and always takes the high ground."

_She knows him so well_, I thought morosely.

We gained the lift and I was grateful to slide down a corner into a sitting position, practically sprawled on the floor. Anthy pushed the button for the roof. At a snail's pace we began our ascent. Sinking down beside me, Anthy curled up with her head on my shoulder and her arm around my waist. I felt her body shake.

"This is it," she whispered. "The wheel of fate."

"Rubbish," I told her weakly, "it's in our hands." I twined my fingers through the trembling ones she rested on my stomach. "I hope the swords don't come," I muttered almost as an afterthought. "That would be the worst possible timing."

Anthy froze against me. Hadn't she thought about that? Suddenly it was all I could think about. Obviously I would have to duel Akio when we got to the roof. I couldn't see any other way forward. He must have planned this…the hotel was so much like his tower-setup, and the roof was practically made to be an arena. How could I help but lose my focus in the heat of a duel? The million swords of hatred hovered on the outer edge of my fraying awareness, just awaiting their next opportunity.

"They…can't," she whispered.

"Yeah," I agreed, "they better not." And then, to distract us:

"How are you feeling now?"

"Stronger," she said in a voice that fairly shook with something like fear. Anthy afraid. I'd never seen her this obviously afraid. I wondered what she was scared of losing. "And you?" she asked me.

"Lousy," I admitted, "but I'm sure it will wear off soon." We lapsed into an uncertain silence.

"What do you want to wear?" she finally asked. "This prince's uniform?" We both looked at the replica of Akio's dueling costume that I still sported. "Or the armor plate?" she wondered, and I realized she was asking because I'd declaimed being a prince. "Your old uniform?" she guessed next.

"What are you wearing?" I asked. It was so innocuous that I giggled suddenly. I felt her shivering begin to subside.

"This," she told me, and we both looked down at her green sundress, smeared as it was with crushed rose petals.

"Very pretty," I complimented her, and she smirked just a little. "This is fine," I decided, fiddling with the golden tassel adorning my jacket. "Maybe it will make him think twice, or something."

The look she gave me was hungry and possessive.

"Or something," she agreed huskily, and leaned over to crush her lips to mine. I wrapped a hand around her neck, and held her to me, and tried to kiss our fears away.

TBC in Chapter 21: Mousetrap


	21. Mousetrap

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 21: Mousetrap

I don't know how long I exchanged desperate kisses with Anthy before I heard an aggrieved grunt. Looking dazedly past her I saw that the elevator had stopped before the roof (and I hadn't even noticed). Saionji was stepping inside, a familiar-looking letter clenched in his fist.

"I'm guessing you got one of these?" he asked, waving it around while avoiding looking directly at us. He stepped all the way in and the doors slid shut. Once again the elevator began crawling upwards. Was it broken or something? Was is a ploy so we would feel more fear?

Anthy rose and gently took his letter. She examined the broken seal, then read the contents aloud.

_My dear Kyouichi,_

_It's been too long since we really talked, old friend. It seems the carefree days of our youth are long past, and we are both busy with important concerns. But I can't help remembering those lazy afternoon bike rides, and our fencing practices with nostalgia. There is much I have to tell you, much I have to reveal if you will only open yourself. Please Kyouichi, for friendship's sake, let me show you something I know you are dying to see._

_Meet me on the roof at sunset._

_Touga_

Anthy looked up. Her voice came out slightly strained.

"It's the seal of the rose."

"Yes," said Saionji grimly. "You know what this means?"

"Yes," said Anthy.

"That bastard," ground out Saionji. "That complete and utter traitor. How dare he?! How can he just go and…"

Mid-rant he stopped and stared down at me.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," I said, reaching for Anthy's nearby hand and allowing her to help me struggle into a standing position. Even with Saionji's eyes drilling into me I couldn't help slumping into the corner of the lift.

"What's wrong with her?" he asked Anthy instead, turning to peer at her. "Did she get into a fight? And where's Juri and Miki-kun? I haven't seen them since they went looking for you…"

"They'll be on the roof with Kiryuu-san," she said calmly, "and Akio-san."

Saionji made a choking noise.

"We hope," I muttered, wiping aggrievedly at my nose with my sleeve cuff. It seemed to be bleeding again.

With a ding the lift came to another unexpected stop. This time the doors slid open to reveal Nanami with Tsuwabuki in tow.

"What's this supposed to be?" snapped Nanami. "Some kind of secret meeting?" She stalked inside with Tsuwabuki hurrying after, hefting her giant handbag against his chest.

"And what's this, going shopping?" snarled Saionji, waving at the bag.

"No," said Nanami, directing the full force of her glare at him. "Onii-sama asked me to bring him some things."

"What?" I muttered, unable to believe my ears. "Like what?"

"None of your business," she snapped back. Her eyebrows arched as she got a good look at me. "Look at how dirty you are. You're such a tomboy." She gestured derisively in Anthy's general direction. "Can't you do something about your girlfriend? She's an embarrassment."

"Nanami-sama!" gasped Tsuwabuki.

"Be quiet when I'm talking!" she told him. He turned red and subsided.

Anthy chose to ignore Nanami, turning back to me as the lift door slid shut again. As though we were still alone she smoothed the tassels on my jacket, and re-arranged my collar. Removing the dress handkerchief in the top pocket she dabbed delicately at my nose. Silently I watched her face, her eyes that had always said more than words, her gestures. It occurred to me that I didn't want to miss anything of her, any of the time we had together. The time that might be ending…

Saionji started bickering with Nanami but I didn't listen. I was caught up in Anthy's hands stroking my cheeks, playing with my buttons, creeping under my shirt to slide over my stomach. Burying her face in my jacket she wrapped her arms around my waist. Nervously her fingers smoothed over the exit wound scarring my back, over and over again. I don't think she even knew she was doing it.

I placed my palms between her breasts, where she would customarily touch me. Her skin felt a little warmer there, even through her dress material. I wondered if it was the sword of Dios, if it was helping her. Gasping I felt something, a tingle, like a tiny spasm of electricity arcing from her to me. It was the sword I was sure. Somehow I was connected to it; I could sense its power even inside Anthy.

Her eyes moved to mine and I knew she'd felt it too.

"You should take it," she said softly.

"Not yet," I murmured back. "I want the element of surprise."

I didn't add that I wanted her to access its charging properties as long as possible. Besides, it might be able to protect her in some way…even if I couldn't… Probably she knew all this anyway without me saying it.

"Can you two stop groping each other in public places?" Nanami's strident voice interrupted us. Before I could speak the lift halted again, door sliding open.

"Utena!" cried Wakaba, rushing in to cozy up beside me. "I've been looking for you everywhere! There's a party on the roof, did you hear?" She noticed Anthy, looked nervous, noticed Nanami, grimaced, didn't notice Tsuwabuki and started blushing the moment she realized Saionji was in residence.

"Are you coming to the party?" she asked him, forgetting me and sidling towards him shyly.

"Everybody's coming to the roof," I mumbled, vaguely sickened by the notion. So this was to be a public showdown was it?

"You said he has plans for all the duelists," Anthy reminded me gently. I blinked at her. Yes, I had said that, back at the meeting that had ended in the ruins of Juri's apartment. More than saying it, I'd known it to be true.

"I wonder where Keiko-san is now," I said with a shiver.

"That coward," sniped Nanami, but her eyes had widened as she shamelessly eavesdropped on our conversation. "What do you mean about the roof? What showdown? What's going on?!"

"Nanami-sama," muttered Tsuwabuki miserably, tugging on her sleeve. "There's something I should tell you."

"Later," she snapped, now glaring pointedly at Anthy's hands under my shirt.

"Now," he insisted, forcefully enough to draw silence from all the lift's occupants. "I er heard…that is I…uh…"

"Spit it out," ordered Nanami impatiently.

"Sorry, I heard your br…brother on the phone y…yesterday. To uh…to the assistant ch…chairman."

All the blood drained from Nanami's face. She believed him, I could see that from her reaction. She stood frozen, staring off into space, looking all adrift. Tsuwabuki dared to clutch at her hand and nervously pat it. She didn't seem to see him, staring instead at a spot somewhere over Saionji's head.

Saionji looked both enraged and resigned. Wakaba looked scared.

"W…what's happening?" she asked me. "Th…there's no party then? This is a…a…"

"Trap," finished Saionji, grinding his teeth together.

"A duel?" asked Wakaba, twisting her hands. "Here? But we're not at Ohtori Academy…"

"We don't know it's a duel," I said, playing with Anthy's hair. I couldn't seem to stop myself, it was comforting, and besides I couldn't waste the time we still had. It was so soft…I was glad she had it out.

"It is a duel," said Anthy, closing her eyes under my touch. "Akio-san will like the symmetry."

"Do you have a sword?" Saionji asked me, straight to the point.

"Yeah," I said. "I do."

"Thank goodness," said Wakaba, moving closer to clutch at one of my arms. "Can we help?"

"I don't know." I glanced over Anthy's head at the silent Nanami and brooding Saionji. Tsuwabuki was still patting Nanami's hand, practically in guilty tears. I didn't know how this would all go down. But I didn't feel good about it.

"This lift is broken!" accused Nanami, suddenly snapping out of her stupor. I could see she needed to do something, to be angry. "It's moving so slowly we may as well be going backwards."

"It's deliberate," said Anthy.

"It's annoying," snapped Nanami.

"Settle down," I told her, which probably just made her more angry, but then I'd never been good at dealing with Nanami. "We need to get ready."

"What? Bleed on the wall some more?" She looked me up and down dismissively. "You look awful. Like you're about to be sick. And where's this sword you're supposed to have, huh?"

Her angry eyes moved to Saionji.

"You haven't beaten my brother for the last ten years! What good will you be?"

She looked at Wakaba with derision.

"Ha!"

"What about you, Nanami-sama?" asked her right-hand man worshipfully. "Will you duel?"

That stopped her tirade. Her eyes got very wide and she stared down at Tsuwabuki as though he'd grown two heads.

"I…I don't have a sword," she said at last.

"Then why are you here?" I asked her. "If you're just gonna tell everyone off, and you're not gonna help, you may as well be up on the roof with Touga-san already." I glared at her, suddenly angry too. We didn't have time for this. I didn't have time for this…distraction.

To my surprise Nanami had the decency to flush and look at her feet. I looked back to Anthy.

"Anthy, I want you to know that…"

"Stop it." She cut me off, then kissed my lips when I tried to speak again. "We'll talk about that afterwards," she murmured. I looked at her with my heart in my eyes; what if there wasn't any after? Her own eyes flickered, and she buried her face back in the hollow of my neck, winding her arms so tightly around me that I struggled to breathe. I wrapped my arms around her narrow shoulders, using all my failing strength to cling to her.

The others were staring at us, to a man, but I hid my face in Anthy's hair and thought only of the moment. This was what I'd fought for (what she'd fought for), and gone through (literal) hell for…this was all I would have to hold onto when I faced him alone. Anthy and I, together.

The lift lurched and came to its final stop. We had reached the roof.

* * *

The sun was setting as we stepped outside, a huge orange disc half-buried by the desert sands. The twilit sky was a shade somewhere between blue and violet, and a chilly breeze was sweeping through the air: night was on its way. Somehow the roof seemed much larger than it ever had before, and no wonder. As I looked from side to side I realized it now formed a massive dueling arena, complete with the scarlet markings that had mapped out the old one. Disturbingly the low stone wall had been replaced by a castle-esque one matching Ohtori Academy's – complete with gaps. The arena was ominously empty.

"Where are they?" asked Wakaba with a shiver.

"Oh he'll be here," muttered Saionji, peering around suspiciously. "This is a giant mousetrap."

Slowly I walked out into the centre of the arena, one arm wrapped around Anthy's shoulder. Her hand on my waist crept under my shirt again, absently fiddling with my scar. I tightened my hold on her, and tried my best not to shiver. Wakaba trotted after Saionji, while Nanami and Tsuwabuki lingered uncertainly near the lift.

The roar of a motor sounded in the distance, and we turned as one to look toward it. A figure appeared just as suddenly in an unearthly mist that swirled into being at the far end of the arena. The mist hadn't been there seconds ago, I was almost certain. The figure was tall and swaggering, regal in bearing. As he strode toward us elements stuck out. A scarlet mane of hair that any girl would love to run her fingers through. Poignantly blue eyes, that seemed to laugh mockingly at you. The uniform of a prince: white with red piping, complete with golden tassels. Kiryuu Touga.

"Can you hear it?" he asked us with his trademark smirk. "Because if you can, it means that you haven't given up hope."

"You're so full of it," snarled Saionji, who was the closest.

"Am I?" asked Touga, not put out in the least. "I'm surprised that you of all people are still hungering after eternity, Kyouichi. You can hear it calling, I see it in your eyes."

A charged moment between them where Touga stopped only paces away and they stared at each other. I'd never understood their relationship: long ago Saionji had told me they were childhood friends, as we gazed into the birdcage at Anthy and all she represented. Yet they'd never seemed like friends. Sure they had dueled me together, but I also remembered Saionji's sword slicing Touga, and seething exchanges between them bordering on out and out fights.

That familiar engine rumbled again and everyone but Touga peered nervously into the mist.

"Onii-sama, what are you wearing?" asked Nanami, rushing forward to throw herself into his arms. Looking surprised (and a tad irritated) Touga pushed her back, and offered her a courtly bow instead. She blushed in confusion. His smile grew more pronounced.

"Nanami," he said smoothly, "don't you recognize your prince?"

She gasped. Then she slapped him. We all goggled, except for Touga who winked at her.

"How dare you!" she shouted, turning even redder. "When they told me you were tricking us into coming up here I didn't really believe it. But here you are and you're still working for that awful man. Don't you know the things he does?! He's a monster! You think he won't hurt you too but he will. Oh Onii-sama, how could you do this to me? Don't you love me?!"

She started to cry in earnest, but Touga placed his hands on her arms and drew her into his chest.

"Oh Nanami," he said, his voice deep and rich and filled with hidden meaning. "Of course I love you. And of course I know all about what Akio-san does…what I do. If I didn't, do you think we could be together like this?"

She stiffened and tried to pull back, but he didn't let her go. Instead he held her there, struggling feverishly while he smirked derisively.

"Don't go," he purred. "You wouldn't be able to hear it if you didn't want it…"

"No!" she cried out, "I don't! I don't want this! No!" She froze as Touga ignored her protests to lower his head to hers, pressing his lips deliberately to her own.

I snapped.

One second I was standing with Anthy, well back from the action, the next I was sprinting toward Touga as fast as I could force myself to move. My heart was thudding with exertion; my eyes blurred with rage. I couldn't believe what I saw, what he had the audacity to do. More than that I couldn't let it happen. Not even to Nanami.

I gathered myself, and leapt into the air, aiming my shoulder for his. It was a tackle adapted from my favored final charge in the duels. Usually Dios would have possessed me before it, but I didn't wait for him this time. Nobody else would save Nanami, or the innocent girls she represented.

Mid-leap I let out an instinctive yell. Touga looked up in surprise, then gasped with pain as I thudded into him, sending us both flying. I finished up sprawled half on top of him, scrabbling to get into position to give him a good right-hook.

"Why Utena-kun," he purred. "You're beautiful when you're jealous."

I hit him. My fist crunched satisfyingly against his jawbone, and I let out another yell from the impact.

Then I was gasping for breath as hot little hands grabbed me around the neck, hauling me up and off him.

"Get away from him, you pervert!" yelled Nanami. "Onii-sama is mine!"

Choking for air I grabbed at her hands, and pulled them away, whirling around to stare at her in disbelief.

"You want that?!" I yelled back at her. "To be violated by a man who calls himself your brother?"

She flushed and tried to slap me, but I easily caught her hand mid-motion. Then I grunted with pain and folded to the ground, as Touga caught me with a nasty sucker-punch from behind, straight in the kidney.

"That wasn't very chivalrous," mocked Saionji, as he leapt forward to join the fray. His punch caught Touga in the nose, and sent him whirling back sputtering, blood staining his princely shirt.

Nanami leapt onto Saionji's back, while Touga managed to get back up and deliver a powerful uppercut to his distracted friend. It was enough to knock Saionji flying backwards across the arena, sending him sprawling in one direction and Nanami in the other. I cringed at the impact, as I crawled to my feet. Neither of them got up.

"My nose," moaned Touga, probing at it anxiously.

"Worried about your looks?" I snarled, balancing on my hands to swirl my legs around in a kick aimed to take his ankles out from under him. Glaring at me he leapt over it, then reached down to yank me up by my hair. Hissing with pain I punched his stomach with bruised knuckles, and he cursed and let go. We both staggered back, staring at each other with the same intensity we'd shared under that tree. My hand itched for a sword right now, but Touga didn't have one. I couldn't attack an unarmed man with a weapon.

It wouldn't be fair.

"What are you fighting for?" he had the nerve to ask me, regaining his breath enough to strike a pose, flicking at his mane of hair. "You heard it too, didn't you Utena-kun?"

I reddened.

"How could you treat your sister that way?" I demanded, risking a quick glance back. Saionji and Nanami lay where they had landed. Tsuwabuki had predictably rushed to Nanami's side, and Wakaba was trying to rouse Saionji. Anthy was drifting toward the swirling mist, her back to us.

"Anthy!" I shouted, temporarily distracted. What the hell was she doing?!

Touga regained my attention with a fist to the solar plexus. Coughing I doubled over, gasping for air. With a chuckle he grabbed my shoulders and kneed me in the stomach. I choked. I tried to break his hold but I couldn't seem to breathe. His knee connected again, once, twice more. Thinking of Anthy moving away from us, I reached up desperately and blindly grabbed for his hair. There, I had it in my fist. Grimly I pulled as hard as I could, managing a smile for his girl-like scream. He pulled away from me, hands to his scalp and I stumbled back away from him.

Then I turned, and sprinted toward Anthy.

In the interim she had reached and entered the mist: all I could see was her silhouette as she glided through it.

"Anthy!" I screamed, ignoring the way I couldn't breathe properly, and how my body didn't seem to be running as fast as I knew I could. The engine rumbled again, closer now. Anthy didn't turn around. She was disappearing into the mist; I almost couldn't see her anymore. I reached the mist myself and dived in without hesitation.

Inside I couldn't see anything. Fog swirled more thickly than I had ever seen, except perhaps at the gates of Ohtori's dueling arena and on its endless staircase. I waved my hand in front of my face, trying to clear a visual path. The mist was icy against my skin.

"Anthy!" I called again, a little more uncertainly. How would I find her in this? I stopped and listened, clutching at my bruised stomach. Nothing. No, there. Something. Footsteps? Maybe…it was hard to tell. Sound was deadened by this fog.

Out of the maybe-silence came the dreaded roar again: Akio's red convertible. I couldn't see it, but what else could it be? Shuddering I did my best to follow the sound. Once again I got the feeling of being toyed with.

"Anthy!" I called, forging ahead anyway. The mist parted just enough for me to make out her silhouette. I rushed towards her.

"Anthy," I gasped, close enough to put a hand on her shoulder. She whirled, giggling up at me. I recoiled, yanking back my hand. Not Anthy. Takatsuki Shiori. She was dressed in the traditional outfit of the rosebride, albeit in violet. Her hair was pinned back but she was missing the glasses. The expression on her face wasn't very nice for all that she was smiling. I was beginning to wonder if it ever had been. In a sudden rage I gripped her shoulders and shook her so that her teeth rattled.

"How dare you!" I hissed. "You shot Anthy, but she did nothing to you. Where is she?!" I didn't understand how she could keep laughing when I was shaking her so hard. Looking over her shoulder I realized the car was behind her, idling in place with Kaoru Kozue leering at me from behind the wheel. She also was dressed in a replica bridal gown, hers in blue. More disturbing were the bodies in the car's back seat, slumped over the doors. Miki was behind his sister and Juri was on the passenger side. They were dressed in their old dueling uniforms, and appeared to be unconscious. I bit my lip. This was bad.

"Akio-san asked me to," said Shiori innocently if a little breathlessly, and I realized that I'd stopped shaking her. "Utena-sama," she went on, glancing meaningfully at my hands on her shoulders, "I'm sorry, but I'm just not that way inclined. It's…dirty."

I couldn't help it. I flushed and pushed her away from me. She stumbled back against the car's passenger door and giggled again. It made my skin crawl to hear her use Anthy's old form of address for the victors.

"Don't worry, Utena-sama," called out Kozue seductively. "I am." She smirked across at me, no doubt enjoying the way I turned an even brighter shade of red.

"My brides have something for everyone," purred Akio, and suddenly he was there, stepping out of the mist and into the car's headlights. They served as spotlights to catch the glint of his golden epaulets and the chain dangling across his broad chest. He was tall and handsome, dressed as the prince he wasn't. One arm was wrapped possessively around Anthy's shoulders, binding her to his side. I stared at her in horror but she didn't meet my gaze, just looked at the ground. Somehow the lime green of her sundress had turned blood-red.

"Anthy!" I called, ignoring Akio in favor of trying to get her to look up at me. "Anthy, look at me!"

Nothing. Just the familiar curve of her neck as she bent her head, and Akio's mocking laughter. Shiori had slipped into the car beside Kozue and they were giggling too, like they'd just been told the world's funniest joke.

"What have you done to her?" I growled at Akio, my heart sinking. The stakes had just risen unbelievably high.

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently. "My little sister has come home where she belongs. By my side, just like it's always been. Is that so strange, so hard to understand?"

"She doesn't want it," I bit out between clenched teeth. Something flickered in Akio's eyes and he dropped his charming façade for a second to almost snarl at me:

"She wants whatever I tell her to want, and you'd do well to learn a lesson from her." He recovered his glib smile. "She's a good girl, a proper girl." His emphasis on the word 'proper' was clearly directed my way. "She always has been."

"What do you want?" I asked, desperately trying to buy some time. Maybe Saionji would wake up and manage to find me. Maybe Wakaba would come too; at this point I'd use all the help I could get. Maybe Anthy would look at me. Damn her…damn this mist and this nightmarish car. What the hell was going on?!

"I want you, Utena-kun," purred Akio in his most seductive tones. I hated him but when he spoke like that, his voice low and vibrant and his free hand pressed against his heart in a gallant gesture…it was impossible not to blush. He saw it, of course he did, with his wickedly watching eyes. He smirked, and even that was beautiful. "Come and live with Anthy and I," he continued, "and see what lies at the Ends of the World. You can have anything your heart desires. You can be the princess to my prince, and Anthy can take care of both of us. Now…wouldn't that be nice? All three of us, together forever as one happy family?"

"W…what?" I gasped out. Where was he going with this?!

"The prince was your first love, my dear, you cannot deny it." Akio's voice was smooth and certain but I caught the slightest flicker in his eyes as they went to my uniform then back to my face.

"I'm the prince," I said, despite everything I'd said to Anthy. Akio jerked as though I slapped him.

"No…no you're really not," he said, voice still calm but shoulders twitching. Kozue sniggered in the background. I ignored her.

"You want to be like the prince," Akio admitted, "and you've done a fine job all told…but there can only be one prince."

"Well it's not you," I growled, but his smirk grew wider.

"Isn't it?" He waved at Shiori and Kozue, who were watching him with evident admiration. "They think I am." Shiori smiled and blushed prettily. Kozue blew him a kiss.

I rolled my eyes. From what little I knew about these new rose brides they were hardly character references. And what the hell was going on here?! They couldn't be rose brides when I had the swords. They didn't even have the power that Anthy still had…Anthy…my eyes anxiously searched her body. I couldn't see any injuries, but I hated the way her head was bent submissively, and why oh why wouldn't she look up at me?

I drew myself up, unconsciously brushing at my uniform jacket so that it fell smoothly. Akio grimaced a little as I put my hands on my hips.

"Imposter," I said, as calmly as I could. For a moment his eyes went wide. Then he hid his shock, and opened his mouth to begin a new diatribe. I cut him off, stepping forward and pointing at him.

"Imposter."

Another pace bought me within handsreach. He glowered down at me, not scared exactly but…apprehensive.

"I have the power of Dios," I said, looking at Anthy's bowed head. Akio made a strangled sound in the back of his throat. I glanced up. His eyes burned with barely controlled rage and I watched as he reigned himself in. He wanted something from me, I finally realized. This was all because he wanted something and he couldn't just come in and take it. The knowledge made me cold. And simultaneously gave me hope.

Grimly I stripped off a glove and did something I'd seen in old movies about knights, and chivalry, and fairytales. I reached up and slapped him with it. Of course it didn't hurt him, but he was surprised all over again. Shiori and Kozue oohed and aahed.

"I challenge you to a duel," I said forcing myself to meet and hold his mocking gaze.

"Do you?" he asked thoughtfully.

"Yeah," I said, "and I don't think you can say no. Being that you're the true prince and all."

His eyes narrowed. Even now I couldn't help noticing how beautiful they were. Exactly the same shade as Anthy's…

"What is this duel called?" he asked idly, beginning to pet his sister's hair with his free hand. She didn't move.

"Couronnement*," I said on a whim. He had an ego didn't he? It was time to appeal to that. I gestured at our matching uniforms. "Let's prove who the prince is."

"Aha." The corner of his lips lifted in a slight sneer. "And what spoils pray tell, will the victor receive?"

"The rose brides," I said grimly, while Shiori and Kozue stopped laughing and gaped at me. "Isn't that what the prize has always been?"

Akio was silent. I could almost see him thinking. He cared nothing for his new brides, other than whatever use they served him. He wanted Anthy, but for all intents and purposes she seemed to be firmly in his grasp.

"What about the power to revolutionize the world?" he suggested finally.

So that was what he really wanted. Nothing had changed after all.

I gave him my best innocent look.

"You mean the power that the true prince holds?"

His eyes narrowed again. He didn't want to admit that I had his longed-for power. Hell, I didn't even know if he knew I had it. Or if I actually did have it with Anthy apparently out of commission.

"What about Anthy?" he asked, eyeing me like a hawk does a mouse.

"She's not the rose bride," I said insistently. "She can do whatever she wants."

He scowled but I saw Anthy's chin raise just a fraction.

"Have you forgotten that, Himemiya?" I asked her, speaking directly to her, hoping to shock her into reaction. Sure enough I saw her twitch a little at the address switch. I dared to reach out and place my hand on her shoulder.

With a snarl Akio pulled her away, backing several steps while she followed him limply.

"Damn you," I told him with all my heart behind it. "What kind of prince are you anyway?!" I remembered the way I'd felt after the hotel room we'd shared: enflamed, confused, and lacking. "What kind of prince stops being a prince?" I cried and I dived at them.

TBC in Chapter 22: Something Shining

*French for _Coronation_


	22. Something Shining

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Chapter 22: Something Shining

Akio yelled out and tried to back up more but my hands had made contact with Anthy's shoulders and I wasn't about to let her go.

"Anthy!" I yelled again for good measure, throwing our bodies to the side as Akio grasped wildly for us. Then we were flying clear of him and the car, rolling toward the ground as I turned my body to cushion her fall. Our landing drove the air from my lungs but all my attention was on Anthy lying on top of me. She was looking at me at last, and her eyes were dead.

I closed my eyes and steeled myself. "The sword," I begged her, forcing my eyes back open, hating to look into eyes that stared at me like I was a stranger all over again. (Only an unwitting stranger that was played tricks on. Only the latest in a long string of victors who didn't know quite what they were getting themselves into).

"Please Anthy," I gasped, knowing I didn't have time to reach her in whatever inner coffin she'd crawled into. Not if I was to save us, to stop this travesty of a prince she called brother once and for all. To tear his kingdom down with my own two hands.

"Please," I whispered again, sliding one hand from the hollow of her neck to between her breasts while she watched me apathetically. Light bloomed between us, a golden ball of hope. Anthy's head arched back involuntarily, her long hair swirling all around. I felt the sword stir beneath my touch. I felt the tingle of energy building between us and I looked to see if she felt it too. But her eyes were closed now; her body flowed easily beneath my hands. It was automatic for her, this being the sheath for the prince's sword. I hated how automatic it was.

I could hear running footsteps behind me, signaling that Akio was charging with murderous intent. There was no time for hesitation. Quickly, smoothly, I drew forth the sword.

Dios' sword.

My sword.

Rolling over I used one arm to lay Anthy down on her back, and then the hand clutching my sword pushed me up and into a standing position over her.

Akio wielded dual swords, which I instantly recognized as the heart-swords of my friends. (But that would mean Juri and Miki were still bound in some way to Shiori and Kozue…)

That was all I had time to realize. With a clash his weapons connected with mine in a cross formation. I went flying back, just grateful to have caught the blows on steel. I thudded against the castle-esque wall surrounding this new arena (we were so close to the edge?), and gasped as stone thumped the breath back out of me. Meanwhile Akio bent to pull Anthy up by her hair. She made no sound but her face was tight with pain.

With an inarticulate growl I gathered myself and pushed off the wall, flinging myself toward them. Akio caught my blade with the sword-hand that wasn't holding Anthy, and then managed to deflect several more strikes, before he dropped her with a snarl. My flurry of thrusts was such that he needed both hands to defend himself.

I spared a glance for Anthy. She was on her back, sitting up on her elbows and staring at us in a daze. Her eyes slid over mine but there was no real recognition. It reminded me of how she'd looked during the Duel called Revolution, which she'd watched most of from the wide white couch. Actually if I was fully honest with myself it reminded me of how she'd looked during every duel I'd ever fought. Disinterested. Almost as though she wasn't a part of the proceedings for all that she supposedly oversaw the rules of the rose seal. And if I looked hard enough (which I never had back then) in pain. In so much pain that it had ceased to be pain, so that she'd ceased to care, or function, or do more than let herself be a doll without a heart.

Was that what was happening now?

Akio used Juri's sword to cut through my distraction, carving a narrow gouge along my right side. I hissed and jumped back. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Anthy's watching eyes widen just a little.

"Red looks good on you," Akio purred, eyeing the blood now staining my uniform. "It looks like it belongs."

"Shut up," I told him somewhat less than intelligently, and shifted to meet his next attack. He was faster than I remembered, and fighting full force from the word go, unlike in the Duel called Revolution. I didn't have time to catch my breath, to assess my injury, to do more than avoid being skewered and hit him back as hard as I could. And my attention was divided, split between these captivating siblings just as it had always been.

"Give me the power," Ends of the World ordered, slicing down with both swords simultaneously as I ducked and rolled to the side. "Give it to me and I'll give you Anthy."

"She's not yours to give," I shouted, forcing myself to flip up onto my feet, ignoring how clammy my forehead was and the way his figure was blurring. I thought that Anthy blinked, but with sweat rolling into my own eyes I couldn't be sure.

"It's mine!" Akio all but howled, and I didn't know if he was talking about the power, or Anthy, or something else entirely. His silvery mane flowed back as he sprinted at me, sweeping his swords in matching deadly side-arcs. I ran toward him, blinking the sweat out of my eyes. Staring at the swords I tried to guess where the arcs would be when I met him. I bought the sword of Dios up to meet them…in our periphery Anthy levered herself up into a sitting position. My attention wavered…and I missed the block by a fraction. I caught Juri's sword but Miki's sword caught me.

It slid up my blade and took a bite out of my hand. It was deep: enough to decorate my hilt in red. Gasping I ducked back and away, trying to put enough distance between us for a proper charge. My hand stung something fierce. I threw an appealing glance at Anthy while switching my sword to my left hand. My right hand I clutched to my jacket. For all the reaction Anthy showed I could have just taken a sip of tea; she looked calm. If I looked harder, she looked distant. Her eyes were reflecting the stars that were starting to pierce the sky, even through this unnatural fog. If I looked even harder, she looked tired, tired to death. The fact that I could notice all these things in the heat of a duel was astonishing. And probably why I felt like I was losing.

"You used to be better at this," grinned Akio, apparently noticing the reason for my distraction. Accordingly he strode over to face me, kicking Anthy out of his way. She went with the blow to the ribs, falling to the side like a puppet with its strings cut. Then accommodatingly she crawled to his car, propping herself up against a tire. My vision turned red.

With my own howl I leapt at Akio. It was my trademark move: the final move I always made when Dios possessed me. I could feel him now, entering out of nowhere…certainly not out of the non-existent castle. Dios flowed into me, filling me with ire that Anthy should be treated so. It wasn't right. It wasn't RIGHT.

Akio saw it. I could see it in his handsome face, in the way he froze and stared at the mirage of his former self. His old face. My new face. Surely Anthy's eyes were widening too (it was so hard to tell), surely she noticed too…

"Dios," Akio gasped, and I realized he'd never faced Dios, not even in that final duel. Dios had been on the side of World's End as far as I could make out, offering me words of comfort (instead of physical possession) that were barely more than poorly concealed barbs. But Dios wasn't a ghost anymore. Or if he was, he was a ghost with a permanent place of residence.

I flipped through the air, the rush of it cool against my overheated skin. The sword of Dios followed me, fluidly, willingly. It was an extension of my body even in my offhand. Automatically I aimed for where Akio's rose would be if he had a rose. It came to me in that split second that I'd have to impale him instead. This was not a duel by the rules of the Order of the Rose: there were no roses. This was a duel to the death. My hand faltered mid-air. Could I…_kill_ anyone? Even Akio? After all he was Anthy's kin. He was my…first. (But first what exactly?)

I still remembered meeting him for the first time with his fiancé Kanae, sipping tea with Anthy at my side. Admiringly I had gazed across the room at the handsome and humble assistant chairman. This was Anthy's big brother? She was so lucky! I'd always wanted a brother…

I remembered how he'd shown me the stars, and talked with electrifying passion about Lucifer's fate. I remembered how he'd complimented my close friendship with Anthy, and called me his family. I definitely remembered the field of poppies, and kissing him beside his princely steed, and whispers in my ear as he examined my ring and talked about the prince.

_My prince…_

I swiped desperately at him as I landed slightly off-balance. But I'd lost my focus: the move was off, and Akio caught my sword against Juri's hilt and held me there, straining against him. My free hand was still bleeding against my jacket, forming a macabre hand-print; his was leisurely twirling Miki's sword.

He smiled triumphantly, his teeth gritted virtually in my face. I stared at him, stared into his beautiful evil eyes. Eyes that had inspired something deep and sleeping inside my younger self. Eyes that had haunted my dreams for over half my life.

"Dios," I whispered, and I closed my eyes and hoped against hope.

And reached.

I reached inside myself to where the power to revolutionize the world coalesced. Outside I could hear Akio cursing. The world whirled around us but it wasn't important.

Blood and sweat and ringing metal and the overpowering scent of roses crushed under Akio's booted heal. Castles swirling in the sky, and swords raining down like a storm that heralded the apocalypse. Being young and innocent, and feeling so old, so alone, and wanting to die, wanting it all to be over. Roses. Roses. The scent of roses. I coughed and opened my eyes.

We were alone together. It was just the two of us, like it had been for the greater part of the Duel called Revolution. We stood in the church again (or was it the planetarium?), while lightning flashed outside and made silhouettes of the stained-glass windows on the floor. My parents had lain dead in their coffins here, while I curled up beside them and wanted to die.

"What the fuck?!" Akio's calm veneer shattered. His swords clattered onto the ground. He strode over to me and gripped me by the neck, dangling me off the floor. My hands spasmed and the sword of Dios fell away. I started to choke, too weak from our mysterious passage to resist. Our eyes met as intensely as those of lovers, as intensely as they had in the hotel room while the ferris-wheel whirled outside. He tightened his hand. The metal of his ring bit into the side of my neck. I felt my eyes widen in reaction, and then start to close.

A rustling sound.

Feebly I realized it wasn't either of us: it came from the coffin to the side. Not letting go of me Akio turned his head to look. With a strangled exclamation his fist opened. I fell to the ground, sucking air into my lungs. Frantically I groped for the sword of Dios.

"Hey. Are you the Grim Reaper?" asked a boyish voice, a strangely familiar voice. Grasping my sword I sat up. When I saw who was sitting in the coffin of rose petals, I gasped too.

It was Dios, as the young man I met when I first sat up in my coffin. Earnest green eyes gazed into Akio's flabbergasted face.

"No," said World's End automatically. "No…I do not bring death."

"You're pretty," said Dios, and he smiled innocently, joyfully.

Akio's jaw dropped.

Dios ran his fingers through his thick mauve hair. It was somewhere between the color of Akio's and Anthy's.

"Who's she?" he asked.

"A witch," hissed Akio, glaring murderously at me, before his eyes turned as though pulled by strings back to his younger self.

"Is that all women can be to you?" I asked Akio, and I was surprised to realize I felt something besides hatred for him. I felt…pity.

"Like Anthy then," said Dios thoughtfully. "The witch. The rose bride."

"She's not the rose bride!" I shouted, struggling to my feet.

"She should be," snarled Akio. "It's her rightful punishment." His voice fairly dripped with bitterness. "She stole the prince from all the women of the world."

"She sacrificed herself to save her beloved prince," murmured Dios, eyes bright with tears. He looked up at Akio appealingly. "I remember now…she was the only one who truly loved him."

"Love?" said Akio. "What's that?" His laugh was filled with gall.

And suddenly I knew what to do.

"The prince who loved her knew," I said, greatly daring as I placed a hand on Akio's nearby arm. He stared down at me like I was a bug he wanted to shake off. Something, some instinct drove me on, forced me to utter words that I knew to be the long-buried truth.

"He forsook love," I said, running my hand down Akio's forearm to cup his hand in mine. We both stared at the ring of the rose seal. "He was no longer the prince she knew," I reminded Dios in his/my coffin. "Instead…"

"…he became Ends of the World," finished Dios gently. "Yes…I remember."

Akio stared disbelievingly at us, trapped by his shock and by my hand clasping his. Dios stood in one graceful motion.

"Do you remember?" he asked Akio, stepping over the side of the coffin. Akio's hand twitched in mine. His eyes were no longer mocking. They were panicked.

"It doesn't matter," he said, "you betrayed me. You helped this wretched…_girl_…"

"_You _helped this wretched girl," insisted Dios, stepping so close that their bodies brushed.

I lifted Akio's limp hand to my lips, and pressed a kiss to the ring that had led me where I needed to go. He gasped beside me, beginning to tremble.

"Goodbye, Dios," I told my prince of long ago, smiling across at the bravest boy in the world. "Thank you for your nobility."

"It's yours now," said Dios with a rakish smile that had something of World's End in it. "I was just the inspiration."

"W…what are you doing?" Akio asked us desperately.

"Who are you?" I asked him as I let his hand go, let my prince go at last. It was more a reminder than a real question. I stepped back.

Dios' arms entwined around Akio's waist while his older self sweated and shook and looked like a lost child.

"What are you doing?" he cried again. His voice broke.

"We'll become a prince," vowed Dios, and he pulled Akio to him. As I watched half-amazed, half-knowing, light began to pulse around them. Slowly Dios was sinking into Akio, then twirling and rising so that their faces were juxtaposed over each other. Akio's eyes closed. Dios' opened. The unearthly light flared one last time, as bright as Venus the morning star.

Breathing heavily, I shielded my eyes with my forearm. When I looked again Dios had vanished, and we were back on the roof, lit by the car's headlights. Akio was crying, silent shining tears.

Shiori screamed at our sudden arrival. Kozue swore. Anthy stood up slowly, blinking owlishly and pushing herself away from the car. She stood there swaying, looking as uncertain as I had ever seen her. She was staring at Akio like she didn't recognize him.

"What did you do to me?!" snarled Aki through his tears. "How dare you presume! You…you charlatan!" His face was flushed, and his eyes were oddly young and frightened. He was utterly unlike everything I'd come to expect from him, self-possession stripped away.

I folded my arms and stared him down, even though I felt more like falling down.

"You need to face up to who you are," I told him firmly. "Break the shell, Akio-san." I glanced around us meaningfully. "We're in the real world now."

"BITCH!" he screamed, and flung himself at me tears and all, swords leading the way. The charge was crazy, lacking all his former technique. I easily parried both swords and stepped to the side so he tripped past me and fell on his face.

"Stop it!" he pleaded, seemingly talking to himself.

For a moment there was stunned silence as everyone stared at Akio. Then…

"What have you done to him?" yelled Shiori, shaking a delicate fist at me. Kozue revved the engine and suddenly the car was roaring straight toward me, trying to run me down. I yelled and leaped out of the way, hitting the ground clumsily and bruising a shoulder. The car turned on a hairpin in an impressive display of driving.

Then it was on me again, Kozue flooring the accelerator, laughing wildly. There was no time to get out of the way: my thighs collapsed under me at the contact, even as my body flipped up to slam bone-crunchingly on the bonnet, then bounce off the windshield, shattering it over the now-shrieking driver. The car spun out of control and I was thrown to one side, rolling helplessly until I finally came to a stop face-down.

I lay there groaning, my mouth filled with blood. It hurt. I couldn't think straight. There were swords again, swords everywhere, flying past my focus. They hurt more than the crash injuries, they hurt like the five long years when there'd been nothing but swords. They filled the world with their screaming. Then nothing, nothing at all. I didn't feel pain, I didn't feel anything. Gradually I became aware that gentle hands were turning my body, familiar eyes were staring down at me in terrified consternation.

It was Anthy.

She blinked at me, looking like she was just waking up, and waking to a nightmare besides. Her hands fluttered over me like frightened birds, stroking my cheek, then my chest, then my stomach. They were like tiny pinpricks of heat and light, the only thing I could feel. Maybe it was because of our connection…I couldn't feel anything else…but me and Anthy, Anthy and me, no Himemiya and I, wasn't that the correct grammar? We'd always had a connection. Even that batty old teacher who gave me detentions and criticized my grammar and dress sense and oh, everything, even she had noticed. She'd told me it wasn't natural. No, she'd said that about the boy's uniform. Hadn't she? What was her name? Gosh, I'd hated her.

"Utena," whispered Anthy drawing my flagging attention. I realized she was crying.

"Don't cry," I whispered, trying hard to focus. I wanted to lift a hand, to wipe away her tears. It was my job to wipe away her tears, but right now my hand wasn't listening. I was trying, trying so hard, I was always trying when it came to Anthy. But my damn hand…it just wasn't working…stupid hand…

"Utena-kun," came another whisper, an oddly throaty masculine voice. I felt my eyes widen as Akio knelt across from Anthy and took up one of my useless hands. I stared at the shocking sight as Anthy too looked up to stare at her brother in disbelief.

"D…D…Dios," she whispered, her hands clutching convulsively in my jacket material, what was left of it.

"Sister," he said, and he hung his head in shame.

"What did you do?" she asked me, eyes huge as they moved to mine. "Who are you?!"

I laughed, albeit weakly. "Haven't you heard?" I slurred. "I'm your prince."

She started to cry, tears tracking down her face. Akio was crying too. I thought they looked so much alike in this moment. I'd never thought we'd come to this. It was surreal.

"Oh Utena-sama," Anthy whispered brokenly.

"Don't call me that," I begged.

"But it's who you are, Utena-sama," said Akio, and I'd never heard him sound so sincere. He looked across my broken bleeding body at his sister, and stretched out a hand, almost shyly.

"Sister. Help me."

She looked at me. Then looked back at him. Tentatively, with muted fear on her face she reached across and took his hand.

"She has the power?" asked Akio/Dios.

"Y…yes," admitted Anthy through her tears.

"Where is the sword?" he asked. After a moment's hesitation she lifted the hand I rested nearest her. They both stared down at the way I clutched the sword of Dios, even now. Tenderly Anthy placed my hand on my stomach, the sword turned out to the side toward her brother.

The car rumbled behind us.

"No," growled Akio/Dios. The engine cut out.

"Utena-sama," he said, staring down with burning eyes. "Within you is that which is eternal, something shining, the power of miracles."

I coughed. I knew where he was going with this speech. But I didn't see how it was going to help. I felt weak and confused, and kind of sleepy. Why were we having this pointless conversation?

"With that power," he intoned, "anything is possible." Grasping his sister's hand he placed their entwined hands over my heart. I gasped at the sudden heat. My body bucked involuntarily.

"Help me help her," Akio begged Anthy, "to help herself." Anthy's eyes were brimming with tears, and I suddenly realized she didn't trust him anymore, and didn't want to be holding his hand. There were shadows on her face, shadows that she normally kept completely concealed.

"Anthy," I managed to gasp out, "I'm sorry, Anthy." I didn't want to make her do something she didn't want to do. I wanted her to be free. It was so important to me that she was free, and safe, and her own person…

She sighed then, sighed with apparent frustration, and leaned down to kiss my forehead. As she rose back up she put a finger to my lips.

"Be quiet, Utena," she requested in her best no-nonsense tone. "I've had enough self-sacrifice to last me for eternity."

"Self-sacrifice is eternal," intoned Akio/Dios.

"Be quiet," Anthy snapped at him, and then together they closed their eyes and pressed down against my heart. My chest arched. My vision darkened.

At first I felt nothing.

Then it was like watching the dawn with Anthy by my side. And Akio at my other side. Yes, Akio was there too, strangely enough.

It was right. It had been like this before.

It was wrong. This had never been.

We three were in a garden, holding hands beneath a tree. No, not inside a garden, not any longer. On the outside of a walled garden, standing off against a shining being that wielded a fiery sword. A terrible being, a beautiful being. Its sword turned two ways, turning us away. Turning us out into a world that was all thorny briars, and drought-cracked earth that had to be tilled with sweat. Tilled with pain, toil and pain, and watered with blood.

This was the real world, the way it had been. The way it was. The way it wasn't meant to be.

No garden, no roses, never any roses again. Or if there could be roses, they would have thorns. I didn't care, I liked roses (did I?). The forbidden garden was filled with roses. Forbidden fruit and roses. It was beautiful there, filled with meant-to-bes; it was everything I had ever wanted. I wanted to go back…

But we could never go back. The way was barred for all eternity, barred by the flaming sword. Barred by a series of pointless duels and a game so cruel it could make you cry, make you mourn for the death of the bride held up as its prize.

I was never much for rules.

"Let's go back," I told Anthy and Akio, and I gripped their hands tightly in mine.

"Yes," said Anthy, and she bent her neck in acquiescence, and there was something about her, something that made you want to put your foot on her neck and bruise it. To crush her in place beneath your heel. Beautifully submissive, that's what Himemiya Anthy was. Like a rose that you wanted to pick, even though it would never grow again. Like a temptation that it would take all your self-denial to resist, and a good dose of self-blindness besides.

"Yes," said Akio, and his voice was marvelous, like an angel singing, like the voice of god calling out to man in the cool of the day. And oh so smooth, like a serpent slithering through the leaves. It made you want to believe every word he ever said, that if you believed in miracles you could have your wish. Even at the expense of others. Especially at the expense of others.

I closed my eyes, and steeled myself against Anthy's tragic beauty and Akio's charm, and tugged at their hands insistently.

"Now," I said, and strode forward, because it was my nature to be impulsive, to not think things through. To act for the ones I loved, instead of talking endlessly. To accept the fruit that was offered without a second thought. To tell only the truth and so expect others to be truthful. To be deceived.

I walked through the wall and the angel with the sword swung its flaming arc right through me, but it didn't matter. I'd been cut by worse. I already burned.

"Come on!" I called, and Anthy and Akio followed. We stood beneath the tree (again/for the first time) and we were naked, and they weren't ashamed, although I blushed because I couldn't not. I drank them in with my eyes, this blessed and cursed pair who put the gods to shame. And I was frightened, and peaceful, and wondering, and incurious, and the garden was everything I'd ever wanted, and the only place I'd belonged. It was like the castle of eternity. It was the castle.

"Here," said Akio, mane of hair like a moonbeam, eyes slanting wickedly as he plucked a piece of fruit and offered it to his sister. "You know you want this. You always wanted it."

"Yes," said Anthy with a small pained smile, "because you wanted me to." Her glorious hair flowed to her feet, and her gaze flowed from her brother to me. She took the fruit and held it out to me with a steady hand and ancient stars whirling in her eyes. "Tenjou Utena. Named for heaven above, and a husk or covering. This is yours now." Her smile reached her eyes. "If you want it."

They smiled at me together then, and I wanted to cry at their loveliness. But I didn't want to embarrass myself, so I swallowed the urge, took a deep breath and reached for the fruit. Akio laughed. Anthy's fingers caressed mine as we both held the fruit for one eternal moment. A shining moment.

Then I took the fruit from her and bit into it.

Their matching sets of eyes moved to my lips. And lingered. I blushed and tried not to chew too noisily.

The fruit was divine. More so because it was bruised by their fingers first. I smiled around my mouthful, and relished the crisp breeze across my bared breasts. I threw my head back.

The air was cool and fresh in the dawn. The first few rays of sunlight were warm and inviting. They eased through me, slid into every vein and atom, lighting up the cold parts.

Wait… I was cold?

Suddenly my shoulder burned where it was bruised, and the slice on my hand lit on fire. All the scrapes and cuts were flickering flames, and broken bones ached unbearably with heat. The blaze that streaked along my torso was the worst, causing me to gasp and curl onto my side. The swords of hatred were melting in this onslaught, withdrawing, pulling out and flying away for another time and place. Anthy was calling me, and I couldn't ignore the need in her tear-blurred voice. The sun was coming up. It was time to enjoy our day. It was time…

My eyes blinked open. I was curled up in Anthy's lap, her head bent over me, eyes in shadow. Her shoulders were shaking.

Dazedly I noticed the mist was gone. Touga, Nanami, Tsuwabuki, Saionji and Wakaba…they were all there, standing around us and gaping. Shiori and Kozue were gawking from the car, while Juri and Miki had woken and were staggering over to us, supporting each other. Somebody's familiar hand cradled mine in theirs. With a shock I realized it was Akio, still kneeling by my side.

"Uh…what happened?" I asked not too intelligently.

"That was fucked up," muttered Saionji. When Nanami shot him an aggrieved glare he shrugged. "What? It was."

"Wh…what have I done?" Akio's voice came out strangled and his hand clenched painfully on mine.

"Let go." Anthy's voice was like flint. Her brother stared at her and I saw that angry tears were rolling down his cheeks. Suddenly he lifted his free hand, drawing it back as if to slap her…

I gasped.

And Anthy caught his hand in both of hers, stopping it inches from her own tearstained cheek.

"Let go," she urged, this time softly, in the little-girl voice she would use when she particularly wanted something. He stared at her, crying pitifully, eyes welling rage…then let go of my hand. I used it to push myself into a sitting position, then a kneeling one.

"You've ruined me," Akio accused me, beautiful voice cracking. "You and your goddamn noble heart, coming all this way without losing it. Even now."

I shrugged at him, still confused, but rejoicing in a body that seemed miraculously whole.

"I came because of Anthy," I declared, reaching over to gently pry her fingers away from his upraised wrist, taking her hands into mine instead. "You know that."

"So did I," he whispered, and he stared at her in apparent anguish. "So did I."

"It's over," she whispered back, and she looked up then, and I saw chaos whirling in her eyes. "It's the end of us, brother. The ends of our world."

"N…no," he protested, voice cracking again, taking on a childish quality. "It will never be. We're what's real, Anthy. You and I, together. We're the only ones who are real."

"Stop talking," I told him, suddenly tired of all his words, of all his games going around and round in endless circles, like a castle spinning in the sky. He was so clever with words. He always sounded right. But it didn't make him right.

Sometimes it took a fool to be right.

Only a fool would believe in eternal friendship.

Only a fool would believe that there really was such a thing as a prince, somewhere in the world, sometime long ago. Even when the prince didn't believe it himself.

"We're going now," I told Akio, rising to stand tall and straight, pulling Anthy up with me. She clung to my arm and stared at her brother with the strangest expression on her face. It was impossible to tell what she was thinking.

"You should go too," she murmured to him. There was an awkward and anti-climactic silence. Everyone stared uncomfortably at Akio, so different from any Akio we'd ever known. He still knelt, knuckling back angry tears at our feet.

"Where?" he finally snarled, no moaned.

"You're free to choose," I told him. "But stay away from us."

I turned and started walking away. Anthy followed but peered back over her shoulder.

Behind me I heard the car engine roar into life. It was my turn to glance back, understandably nervous about being run down. Akio was behind the wheel with Touga in the passenger's seat. Shiori and Kozue huddled in the back.

Akio glared through the ruins of the windshield at us.

"You don't know what will happen!" he shouted, his voice gaining a little of its old power. "You don't know how the world works! You'll see, give it time, and you'll see…"

"Lame," I muttered. Anthy gave a start next to me.

As though he heard, Akio sneered. Then he floored the accelerator, yanked the gearshift, and spun the wheel.

We watched aghast as the red convertible (looking rather the worse for wear) roared across the arena, before flying over the edge and into the dawn-lit sky.

"Shiori!" screamed Juri sprinting to the roof's edge.

"No!" cried Miki, running after her.

I was hot on their heels. Together we hung over the turret-esque wall, gawking as the red convertible landed safely (how?!) and sped off into the desert, disappearing inside a cloud of dust.

"Crazy…" muttered Saionji.

"No kidding," I said, eyes goggling. "I thought this was the real world."

"Kozue…" whimpered Miki. Juri said nothing, placing her hand on Miki's shoulder instead. Tsuwabuki took Nanami's hand and surprisingly she let him, as they stared mournfully after her brother. Wakaba burst into tears and flung herself at Saionji. He stood unresponsive, glaring into the sun, but he didn't push her away. Finally, awkwardly, he patted her on the head.

I felt Anthy's arms slip around my waist from behind, her soft lips brush my neck. I placed my arms over hers, and shivered, and stared at the dust-obscured road leading away from this god-forsaken tower. It creeped me out that we would have to drive down it to get back to our homes and lives.

The same path my erstwhile prince had taken.

* * *

Two days later I was back in Anthy's apartment, alone with her at last, kneeling at the low table sipping tea. What with the furor, and drive home, and general chaos following the Duel called Couronnement, it was our first chance to really talk.

We were silent.

I had so many questions for Anthy, questions I didn't even know if she could or would answer. Questions that I didn't want to ask her, just as much as I did. So I licked my dry lips and drank more tea.

She smiled at me sympathetically and passed me a cookie. I nibbled on it, watching her pick one herself and hold it aloft in deft fingers. Her tongue darted out and licked the sugar from its surface. A surge of heat rushed through me and I looked away, then darted a glance at her through my eyelashes. She offered me a tiny amused smile, but the heat in her lidded gaze made me blush.

I swallowed my cookie with some difficulty.

"W…what happened to you up there?" I managed finally. "When you walked into the fog…and wouldn't answer…"

Now it was Anthy's turn to look down. There was a long moment of silence, so long that I almost retracted the question.

"I…forgot," she said finally, so quietly I almost couldn't hear her. Her hands knotted together on the table. Her shoulders hunched inward. "It was like it was…the past, like it was how it has always been."

I stared at her and bit my lip. Everything about her posture suggested pain: it was horrifying for me to stop and think what Anthy's life (lifetimes?) must have been like. I wasn't really able to dwell properly on it. If I did my vision went hazy and fury twisted my guts.

"The wheel of fate," I murmured, not knowing why I said it. Her eyes snapped to mine and we stared at each other for a timeless instant.

"The once and future prince," she said, and there was something in her voice.

"Is that a quote?" I asked.

She shrugged and smiled obliquely. We sipped our tea. I wondered whether to ask about the past that she wouldn't talk about and that I couldn't think about. I wondered so long that she beat me to the next question.

"Is Dios…with you?" she asked, framing the words carefully.

It was my turn to shrug.

"I think he's with Akio-san now. Mostly anyway. I think he woke up."

"You woke him up," she accused gently.

"Yeah," I said apologetically, and placed my hand over her tensed ones. "I'm sorry, Anthy. I couldn't kill him."

"No," she murmured. "I understand. It would be like…" She paused and looked at me intently. "…Killing yourself."

I didn't understand. So I did the next best thing – lifted her hand and placed a kiss on it. Then I turned it over to press a kiss to her palm.

"Is this what we're going to do in ten years?" she asked playfully. I grinned at her.

"For sure," I promised. "We're safe now. We're free. We can live out our lives together, between tea and cookies." I licked a stray cookie crumb from her finger and then paused uncertainly.

"I wonder what a normal life will be like."

Anthy had the audacity to giggle.

"I doubt it will be normal," she purred, leaning forward to press a kiss to my forehead. "With Tenjou Utena as the hero of the story."

"I'm not the hero," I protested, pressing her hand to my cheek and holding it there. "I'm just a normal girl really."

"Like me?" she asked innocently, her thumb sliding over my cheekbone.

I smirked.

"Hey!" I protested. "I was kinda confused when I said that. Maybe even a little blind."

She arched an eyebrow at me.

"But now I see," I whispered, leaning forward over the table, over the distance between us…just a little more…a little closer…

"What do you see?" she whispered back, leaning to meet me halfway.

"You," I said, savoring her answering smile.

And we kissed.

FIN

TBC in the Sequel: Thorns Wither

_In the meantime, there are Author's Notes for this story for those who are interested in such things, contained in the next chapter._


	23. Author's Notes

**Roses Grow**

_by sharnii_

Author's Notes

It's been my immense pleasure writing _Roses Grow_, being such a besotted fan of _Revolutionary Girl Utena_ (the anime), as well as an appreciative fan of _Adolescence of Utena_ (the movie) and both manga series.

If you look closely you'll find references to all three genres in my fanfiction, as many readers noticed. As is fairly obvious, Utena/Anthy is my favorite relationship in the fandom, and I enjoy shipping them in whatever incarnation can be made believable – as friends, as lovers, even as enemies. However I enjoy all the characters of the fandom and most of the relationships (including conflicting relationships such as Utena/Akio verse Utena/Touga, or Anthy/Akio verse Anthy/anybody-handy), and I admire the way the anime presents the human heart as being a very complicated thing.

Nothing is easy in the anime, everything is angst, symbolism holds the story up and drags the story back down, love is the kind of love that makes you ache and cry and try to believe. Nothing has ever inspired me to the degree that _Revolutionary Girl Utena_ has, and after the closing of episode 39 I felt compelled to further an ending that was so bittersweet my belly curls just thinking about it.

There had to be more for Utena/Anthy. There had to be more than Utena fearing she had failed while swords rained down, and Anthy looking for Utena in the credits, but never finding her in view of the viewers.

I had to have more to survive!

That's why I wrote _Roses Grow_. Sheer survival instinct. Although it's almost 70 000 words in length it hasn't sated my own inner compulsion to explore and further Utena and Anthy as characters (and their remarkable relationship), not to mention Akio, Touga, Saionji, Juri, Miki and all the rest. There's so much I want to say about them, places I want to take them that just weren't possible in the flow of this piece. Thus I'm now writing a sequel from Anthy's point of view: _Thorns Wither_. I eventually aim to write a third part to the _Roses Grow_ series as well, and hopefully then everything I have to express will be out there on virtual paper.

I should say that I very much enjoy interacting with readers, and am very appreciate of the comments I've received while writing, especially from readers who left multiple comments. Thank you so much! It made writing the story so much more fulfilling – I love the sense of sharing in Utena/Anthy's possible future with other fans. Also I've been asked many questions about this fanfiction, the most common of which I'll now answer in these Author's Notes, for those who are interested. If you've made it this far, I'm guessing that's you. Before I begin though, a note to all artists out there: YES, I adore fanart and any that you are inspired to draw is most welcome. I'll post it in all the places I end up posting the series and drool over it when I'm not writing. I want to see the pictures in my mind re-interpreted in other people's minds, flowing out through their pencils and paints.

Finally any readers are encouraged to email me at **sharniichan at aim dot com** with comments, constructive criticism, and questions. I like to hear fellow-fan's thoughts, I'm a learning writer and appreciate helpful criticism, and I'm a very curious person thus willing to answer questions. Keep in mind that all my answers here are just my opinion about things – no worthier than your opinion, and liable to change in my other stories. I like to explore things from every angle: this is only one version of how post-Ohtori could be.

* * *

FAQ (added to on 4 October 2009)

**Q: What are the swords?**

**A:** In the real world: words of hatred, cruel words, words that make you want to stop believing in yourself, to just give up and not go on (like Anthy's words to Utena about how she can't be her prince because she's a girl).

The swords also have a physical component: they cause pain, so much pain that you lose the ability to function. Or at least to think clearly.

In the world of Ohtori the swords are the murder weapons that killed Anthy, and the altar that she sacrificed herself upon. They make up her eternal punishment for daring to act on love (as they are Utena's punishment for the same thing in the real world). They're also cruel words, lying words, and they're also physically debilitating. In the final duels Anthy is re-sacrificed upon them for Akio's empowerment and amusement, and for the final victor's torment. But in a very real way she has been sacrificed upon them all along, every average school day, without anyone being any the wiser.

The swords of the black rose duelists and the various other heart-swords are somewhat about words too and pain between people. More than words they're the relationship issues between the various duelists: the love gone wrong that inspires them to duel. So for instance when Shiori wields Juri's sword, it's the unrequited love Juri has for her, and her own appalled reaction to it. That inspires her to duel, because she can't contemplate the world being the way it is, with Juri as the special one (and wanting her, which Shiori just can't face), and her being so un-special in her own self-concept.

**Q: What is ChuChu?**

**A:** Um.

Hehe let me try that again. ChuChu is Anthy's pet monkey (who some say is a mouse) who is really not any species that can be pinned down exactly (rather like Anthy herself…).

He is Anthy's longtime pet, but also her best (read only) friend. This is because he is the only one who stays with her from victor to victor, the only tiny spot of comfort in her life in the face of the atrocities she bears (and commits).

He also reflects her emotions. She is a doll without a heart, but often ChuChu expresses what she should be feeling at any given time – watch him closely in the anime. Anthy might be dry-eyed when she's been hurt, but ChuChu will be sobbing. Or Anthy might be passive under Saionji's advances, but ChuChu will be stabbing Saionji's shoe with a fork.

ChuChu is connected intimately to Anthy: they can communicate without words, and she can understand his language. He is her familiar, a creature who aids her with her magicks (being the archetypal witch and all) and whose first loyalty is to her. His second loyalty is to food. Eh heh heh.

Utena sees ChuChu as Anthy's pet and 'friend' but is only vaguely aware of all the rest. She is very fond of him though, being naturally kind and drawn to animals. She claimed she was dueling for his sake when she was too embarrassed to admit it was for Anthy's (and too self-blind to boot). She spoils him, and teases him, and doesn't give the question of what he is any thought, unlike the viewers/readers.

**Q: Is Anthy a witch?**

**A:** Sure. Inasmuch as she is also a victim, she has become a witch, encompassing the magic of the rose bride, but having power from the very start and her mysterious origins. It is the witch who takes out her brother's vengeance on the unsuspecting students of Ohtori, usually at his bequest. However she plays her own tricks when the mood crosses her, and some of her tricks are played on Akio himself.

**Q: Just what are Anthy and Akio anyway?**

**A: **I think of them as demi-gods of a sort, archetypes of the idea/myth of the prince, and the idea of the ideal-wife/witch. Whatever they are it's way too complicated for me to understand, and the anime gives all sorts of hints that lead in all sorts of confusing and enticing directions. But it's way fun to play with!

**Q: What are your views of Utena and Anthy's relationship, and their other relationships in the anime?**

**A: **I do think Utena and Anthy were portrayed in the anime as soulmates, although in a entirely friendship-based way. Theirs was an extremely sensual friendship, although given Utena's outlook on life, there was nothing sexual about it. However given enough time after the anime credits, I feel the most natural development of their relationship would be one that led all the way to lovers (verrrrrrry gradually as in _Roses Grow_).Of course the manga portrays them as very much only friends, and the movie portrays them as love interests. Obviously it's possible to ship and interrupt this couple many ways (don't you love it!), and I've got to say that I'm a fan of all possible takes.

Having said that in my opinion the anime presents Touga and Akio as Utena's love interests (although the love in her friendship with Anthy eventually wins the day). Utena is in love with her mysterious prince from the get go. She almost falls in love with Touga (thinking him to be her prince), and falls tragically in love with Akio (who is revealed to be the anti-prince). (She's also in love with the princess she saw impaled (Anthy), but doesn't remember that at all.)

In a sense Utena has her love for the prince in common with Anthy, for their life directions are both motivated by love of Dios. For Anthy: sisterly love, which is twisted into something sexual just as the prince is twisted into a devil. For Utena: romantic love, which pales in comparison to the friendship love that motivates her to emulate Dios and save Anthy.

And in another sense Anthy is actually Utena's inspiration to be a prince: she saw a princess who needed saving and made a vow to grow up to be the kind of person who could save her. A noble person. Noble like a prince, like Dios, but not like any Dios that she had every actually met (because he was no longer noble when she met him). So although she was inspired by the idea of a prince, in real actuality Anthy's plight inspired her.

But then of course she forgot…

And that brilliant concept is the background story of the anime.

As for Anthy, I believe the anime presents her brother as her love interest, in that everything she did she did for Dios. And everything she does, she does for his new incarnation Akio, although she hates as well as loves him. As the anime progresses she starts to care about Utena, inasmuch as she is able to care about anyone, while dead in her coffin and constantly betrayed and betraying. But her moments of affection, suicidal regret, and dazed wonder don't develop into love until the moment when she meets Utena for the first time in the flesh, as she really is. That is the moment when Utena opens the coffin and shocks the bejesus out of everyone, Anthy included!

I guess that says that love involves an element of understanding another person, and trying to actually get to know them as they are. _Roses Grow_ is about enjoying Utena and Anthy (two remarkably different people) get to know each other even more, even while they can't ever fully know each other, and there is a lot of mystery and tension between them. But loving someone is more than understanding, it's also about accepting them for who they are, even when you can't fully understand. And so _Roses Grow_ is about that too.

**Q: What is the power of Dios?**

**A:** For the sake of this story it's the power to bring world revolution. Utena revolutionizes Ohtori (yes, successfully) in the anime by freeing people from the dueling game, or at least showing them they can be freed. So she revolutionizes the rose bride's world by caring about her as a person (as opposed to a prize) and waking her up. She revolutionizes Akio's world by defeating him (a fact which he refuses to accept in the anime, even when Anthy points it out to him and leaves). She revolutionizes Juri and Miki's worlds by getting them to have hope (evidenced as they play squash), and startles Touga and Saionji into wonder on the steps where she tells them she is choosing to be a fool.

In the ending credits of the anime we see various ways Ohtori has changed (become free-er) because of Utena's sacrifice, as various students act in new and life-changing ways. Relationships seem healed or on the way to healing. And of course Anthy packs up and leaves Ohtori, searching for our heroine in a brand new world!

Utena doesn't know that she has this power during the anime - her final words at the end of the last duel are an apology to Anthy for failing her. That is why we have Anthy rescuing Utena from her despair during _Roses Grow_, teaching her the hope that Utena actually taught her first. Utena regains herself, picks up the princely pieces, and proceeds to finish revolutionizing Saionji's world, keeps impacting Juri and Miki's, and helps Anthy grow as a person. Most noticeably though our heroine uses her power (the power to free people from the traps they build themselves) to free Akio himself. She frees him by reminding him that he is actually Dios (a corrupt and fallen Dios, but Dios all the same), and that he was originally motivated to be a prince.

Thus Akio receives what he wanted all along: the power of Dios (well its effect anyway). Yet it's not what he wanted at all, not what he thought the power would be. The change is uncomfortable and frightening, forcing him to face up to what he's done, and the black despair that drove him to renounce love in the first place (despair over Anthy's fate).

How will he react to his reunion with Dios? Only time will tell...

The Utena of this story wields a power that is more than the power to free people, it is also the power to be the prince who saves all the girls in the world. That's the deal with her being able to travel between worlds/realities, being able to draw the sword without help, being able to heal with Akio and Anthy's assistance (under very unusual circumstances), and who knows what else. She's more than the little girl who dreamed of being a prince, that she used to be. She IS the prince.

But can she accept that about herself? And what does that mean for her, considering that Dios was some sort or otherworldly being and Utena is very much human? Not to mention she bears the swords too, which is unheard of for the prince... Only time will tell...

**Q: What is the deal with Utena's dream that Anthy invades?**

**A:** It's a dream of the past, when they were at school together. Utena is her past self in the dream, but she knows that she's dreaming, so she's thinking with her present self at the same time. Anthy has used magic to enter her dream because she thinks she may discover what Utena is hiding from her (which is actually what Utena is also hiding from herself at that point).

Because Anthy is secretly inside the dream she attempts to play the part of her past self (the rose bride). But Utena notices little things about her (things that have changed in present Anthy) that eventually give away her identity, and lead to their argument.

**Q: Where has Utena been for 5 years?!**

**A:** She's been trapped by the million swords of hatred, suffering their punishment in Anthy's stead. We find this out when Utena and Anthy enter Utena's dream together by mutual consent. More than entering a dream, they enter the actual reality.

Oh, are you confused? Heh eh er...letmesee...how to explain...

In the anime dreams were often more 'real' than what was meant to be reality. For instance Utena remembers the truth about Anthy and her own quest to be a prince in a dream. Reality at Ohtori was barely ever real anyway - Akio reveals that the dueling arena and a heck of a lot of what happened was just a giant projector and one giant mindfuck. The point is that reality is fluid in the anime, and I've tried to keep that outlook in the story, real world or no real world.

So...the reality of what is happening is that Utena is falling through the sky, pinioned by the swords to a rock that used to be part of the castle of eternity (just like Anthy suffered the swords all the time although you couldn't see it).

...And at the same time she's in the real world, trying desperately to block out that particular memory. And she's rather different, lacking her former bravado, and avoiding facing up to the truth of what is happening (understandably).

...Which happened in the past before Anthy found her.

...Since the story begins when Anthy rescues her (roughly 5 years after Ohtori).

So the reality of Utena being lost to the swords (and not knowing where the heck she was or even what she was) is over in the story, because it happens before the story begins. At the same time it happens within the story when Utena and Anthy enter Utena's dream (the past) and Anthy manages to save Utena by waking her up from her stupor (thanks to Utena's own help via Dios).

So...Anthy saved Utena from the swords (waking her up in the hospital), but neither Anthy or Utena remembered that happening because although it happened in the past...it actually hasn't happened in the present until they enter Utena's dream/past/reality in Chapter 17: Revolution.

/wipes sweat from brow

Geez that's hard to explain. Time travel always is!

**Q: What is the castle of eternity?**

**A:** Just another manifestation/symbol of eternity (of which there are so many in this fandom). It's the seat of Dios' power, holding the power of miracles up as a sort of destination to aim at (eg. Saionji wants to go there), and is also the home of Dios' grave (lovely). In my story Utena wins the right to go there by gaining the power of Dios. The castle is the home of the prince after all!

Simultaneously she's trapped there (pinned to the throne), her access to her power shortened-out by the sword which represents Anthy's dismissive words --you cannot be my prince-- (that curtail Utena's belief in herself). Until Anthy saves her by pulling out the 'sword' and taking back the words as it were.

I wonder if they'll go back there...

Any more questions? Feel free to ask: my FAQ can be added to.

Stay tuned for the Sequel: _Thorns Wither_


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